Relationship One Year Anniversary, And Moving In Together!

[Wastinglight]

Next week is the first anniversary of our relationship! We've been talking on and off about when I will move in permanently and he has always said it will happen after our anniversary (I've been living at his house for months but I still pay rent on my own place). He's now asked me to move in with him - in the most off-hand, roundabout way you could possibly imagine, but I've come to expect that!

I'm really happy that we're finally moving in together, but I also kinda wish that he would act more excited about it. Honestly, I can't remember the last time he expressed enthusiasm for anything really! Even when something really positive is happening - when I make a remark about how awesome such-and-such is, he immediately points out something negative about it. And don't even mention the topic of sex. I can't remember the last time we fooled around. He is always so tired and drained, and has been sick lately as well, so I'm not going to hold my breath on that front.

I guess I need to be be realistic about what to expect in the next few weeks. When I look at it from his point of view, the prospect of us moving in together (ie. actually making a tangible COMMITMENT to me) must seem pretty daunting. In addition to his PTSD, panic disorder and agoraphobia issues, he has never lived with a girlfriend before, he has never had a relationship that lasted more than 12 months before, and he was single and lived alone for 10 years before he met me. I have to remind myself that the very fact that he is committing to me on this level is HUGE!

So, YAY! We are moving forward with our relationship. I suspect our anniversary is not going to be a romantic affair, but when he is struggling with his symptoms, it's probably hard to focus on lovey-dovey stuff. I have my girlfriends and my family for support (and his family as well, to some extent), so I think we are going to be okay.

But in the back of my head, I can't help but worry that he's going to have a meltdown at the last minute and back out of the whole thing. God I hope not. We've both worked so hard to make this relationship work....

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Well, yay!

Of course he's going to worry, and so are you. Nobody, in any relationship knows what the future holds. But here and now you want to be together, so make the most of that.

As for the potential meltdown, you just have to manage it as best you can. Would he cope better if you move your stuff over gradually, or all in one go? Would he be happier knowing your place is gone ASAP, and if you kept it for a little while longer?

And with the romance; is that him, his PTSD, or a mix? My hubby is quite romantic at times, but my ex (no PTSD in sight) was possibly the least romantic man on the planet.

For me, I think half of the battle is trying to work out what is him (i.e. when he's being an ar$e) and what is the PTSD (he's stressed and reacting badly) so I can react appropriately. But on the other hand not knowing him 'before' means I accept him for who he is now, and I don't keep comparing him to what he used to be like.

You'll figure it out, I'm sure x

 

[Sweetpea76]

My vet and I have been talking about moving in together too... we aren't to the point of taking the plunge yet, but we did decide that we would set aside an "airbag". We would set up a savings account with enough money to cover deposit and a few months rent on an apartment "just in case" there was a problem... and never touch it. That way there would always be a potential out if either of us needed it.

It's not that we are planning on needing one once we move in together, but it will be there, like an insurance policy taking some of the stress out of it. Like an airbag... you never want to use it, but it's great to have one if the shit hits the fan. ;)

That whole idea makes my vet feel a lot more at ease... maybe something like that would help ease your guy too.