Childhood Opening A Can Of Worms?

[SinkorSwim]

So I went to see the therapist yesterday and she tells me Katie there must be something more that happened. I don't understand why your anxiety could be so bad. Then I thought about it more I lived on a street with a boy probably 5 years older than me I was either 6 or 7 at the time. He didn't live next door but in the house after that. I was a tom boy and we would play cars on his deck and drive little match box cars around on the deck railings. One day the boy and another two boys that lived kiddie corner to him in the back yard convinced me to go down the basement. The next thing I know the two of them were holding me down under a white sheet and one was touching me inappropriately down there. His dad came down and yelled at the three boys. I don't remember what happened next. I just remember then being in first grade trying to tie my shoe in a classroom and I had a funny feeling in my underwear. Now I know it was an orgasm. I don't recall if the dad told my parents or if my parents somehow found out but at one point they wouldn't let me go to his house anymore. About a year later we moved and I found out about 5 years later that the father had sex with the daughter and ended up marrying his daughter. He was now listed as a sex offender. I'm not sure what happened to the boy. I thought it wasn't a big deal but now I am kind of realizing it could maybe be part of my anxiety. I don't like being touched or hugged and yes I am married and have had sex with my husband. So that's why I don't think that's an issue, but he has to force me to hug him. Which is weird. He is the only other person I have told this story to and he doesn't think that it's contributing to my anxiety. I don't know because even though we have sex it's not often and I often get really anxious beforehand. I have a really weird relationship with my dad and my husband as well. Should I tell my therapist this story?

 

[Sideways]

I'm not big on the concept of T's saying things like, "There must be more". Because you know, there are millions of people in this world who develop anxiety just because. Dumb friggin luck. Brain gets sick, just like our ofher organs.

But if you trust your T, when you're ready, I think you should share this. If you feel like it's not a big deal, or you think it shouldn't be a big deal, or your brain is trying to minimise it by telling you things like, "I've got a husband and a sex life. See? See how much this is NOT a big deal?" They're all really normal thoughts to have about trauma. Sometimes it's because our brain has been able to process the trauma and it really is no longer a big deal. But sometimes it's the safest way to cope initially: admitting it's a big deal could go all sorts of painful places, you know?

It may well be this is contributing to your anxiety, as well as the issues with intimacy you've described. Talking with your T about it, yeah it may open a can of worms. But it's a chance to deal with it. It won't necessarily be easy, but maybe this is an opportunity to start healing those issues you mentioned. And you don't need to do it really fast an intensely - work with your T at a pace you can handle.

 

[shimmerz]

I'm not big on the concept of T's saying things like, "There must be more".

I completely agree with this statement. T's should not at all be prompting you to 'look' for situations that you have forgotten about. Bad, bad practice.

 

[Friday]

Your therapist confuses me.

Ummmm... You have PTSD? Isn't that enough?

Is this the same clinic that expects people to be "done" in 5-6 sessions? And is unhappy with you at coming once a month as too frequent?

 

[PointlessExistence]

I think we're forgetting that the therapist was actually right in this case. There was more. I'm all for them challenging us. If they're wrong, or if it seems like they're making light of the already-recognized trauma by searching for more, I can see how that can be troubling. But maybe some of them (like this one) are good at knowing when there's more. I'd even wonder if there is even more than what you remembered yesterday. The father who saved you from the assault is a man who raped and married his own daughter. Who knows what you could've been subjected to by such a wretch and/or by his son.

Whether there was more, or whether there was just what you know now, it's really an eye-opener. Beyond the sexual aspect, you were tricked by someone you trusted. You were outnumbered. You were restrained and covered so you couldn't see. Then there's the orgasm during the same period of time. An orgasm at such an age can be a red flag, even more so do to the innocuous circumstances by which it happened. These are things to be explored. I applaud your therapist.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't think it's good practice fur a T to tell their client there "must" be something more. There may or may not be, and it's fine for a T to suspect there might be more to it but to say there "must" be puts the client in the position of having to come up with something more, it minimises the material the client has already brought and pushes a process they may not be ready for. We develop defences for a very good reason and I'd expect a T to work with that at the edge of the client's awareness - not force the work.

If you feel safe enough to talk about it, it may be worth talking about. It might be contributing to your anxiety but it might not be. I'm not sure I agree that orgasm at a young age indicates anything more sinister than you describe research tells us now that really quite young children will have sexual feelings and responses so again, it may be something or nothing.

Trust your gut feeling, if it feels right to talk about it, do. If it doesn't, don't. A good T will be able to help you learn strategies to cope with anxiety without necessarily needing to know the cause, which is important because sometimes we just don't know.

 

[EveHarrington]

Your husband isn't a therapist so essentially he has no knowledge in this area. He has no idea if that incident affected you or not. Many things affect us in paradoxical or seemingly unrelated ways. My advice is to stop listening to people like your husband who may be well intentioned but at the end of the day don't really have a clue.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Thank you everyone. It helped me to listen to all your points of view and I did end up calling my therapist. We will see how it goes from here on out.

 

[SinkorSwim]

I talked with my therapist on the phone and confronted her about the interigation she told me that's not what she meant and apologized profusely. She also told me thanks for letting her know I was upset. We set up and appointment for next week to discuss the other stuff I couldn't tell her on the phone.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Just got back from my therapist appointment and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thanks for the advice I was able to get up the courage to tell my therapist and now we are working on everything in layers.

 

[Ronin]

I'm not big on the concept of T's saying things like, "There must be more". Because you know, there are millions of people in this world who develop anxiety just because. Dumb friggin luck. Brain gets sick, just like our ofher organs.

All of this. A severity of reactions to something & disorders really don't have to correspond to the initial trigger, or trauma.

They're not a matching thing. Shit happens, people react, brains get sick, it's not always having a 'more'. It's bad enough.