Other half looking up escorts

[LucyLou]

I've been with my other half for 10 years. We've had issues....a few issues but still together. I've recently found out that he's been looking up prostitutes/ escorts in our local area and looking into thai massage places (are all thai massage places dodgy?) I have no other proof that he's actually done anything but this doesn't look good, does it?! Strange thing is, I don't even feel angry....I don't really feel anything about it. I do think we're only together because we have 3 children together. I don't know where to go from here because I know if I brought it up, he'd be angry/defensive etc

 

[Friday]

(are all thai massage places dodgy?

Nope! Thai massage is like Swedish Massage. Completely legit, and an awesome modality. BUT?All kinds of SE Asian “massage” parlors are fronts for underage sex trafficking… the whole “you have to work off your debt” -as fees for passage are changed once they arrive in the west, and papers withheld- and the young &/or pretty are forced into prostitution, whilst the older & uglier work in sweatshops or maid service, unless there’s a niche market (pregnant women, and amputees, are nearly all forced into prostitution, for example).

Strange thing is, I don't even feel angry....I don't really feel anything about it. I do think we're only together because we have 3 children together.

The last few years of our marriage, I just charged my then-husband 10k and a clean std test, per affair. 100k, annually, if he wanted a mistress. As those were rough estimates on what he was spending on them, whilst my kid and I were living on a string. He’d put someone else’s kids through private school (25k per year), and be going away on thousand a dollar a night trips, and leasing condos and shit… all on our JOINT accounts, IDFK how much he was spending from his personal accounts. And then trying to feed me a line that $600 was “too expensive” for the months groceries, home repairs, school fees, clothes, haircuts, gas, mechanic, all the everything aside from the mortgage… when he’d drop 10x that on a weekend fling? I. Don’t. Think. So. I wasn’t asking for parity. I was asking for the amount at which I would no longer be pissed off at what he was spending on others. And for a clean bill of health, before I’d sleep with him, because duh.

Shrug. At a certain point? One just becomes practical. The hurt? Happened a long time ago. And has been scarred over too many times to have much feeling left.

That said? There’s also the delayed-reaction PTSD disassociation thing. Where a crisis has happened, so everything goes smooth & calm, until the crisis is “over” and kaBOOM! not just now, but all of Pandora’s box comes roiling out in a monster flood.

Whether you’re in practical-land or delayed-reaction-land? I’m sorry it’s come to this.

 

[Rose White]

All kinds of SE Asian “massage” parlors are fronts for underage sex trafficking

Ugh—there are so many in my town. Three on a single block right near my home. If they stay open late into the night is that a clue that they are shady or do legit places offer massages at 11 at night? (Sounds like a dumb question, but I am embarrassingly naive sometimes.)

There’s also the delayed-reaction PTSD disassociation thing.

This is one of the most aggravating aspects. The dawning awareness days or weeks later that something bad happened and especially that I didn’t stand up for myself or a loved one but rather collapsed/froze/fawned. Not a good feeling.

@LucyLou I get that you feel trapped because of the kids. I suppose as long as he isn’t harming you and you feel safe enough you can sort of bear it in order to get by until the kids are old enough that you can begin the separation process. I have three kids with my ex—I left after 15 years when my youngest was 8. It’s never easy but it is possible.