Overcriticism- opposite desired effect can anyone relate?

[WishfulThinking123]

This is something I was just thinking about today. When my parents, x husband, etc... were/are overly critical about something it is even harder to make myself do what they want to avoid future criticism. This isn't because, I am trying to be spiteful or trying to be combative to remain control. Something happens and I really shut down and it is even harder to get the motivation to do what is expected of me. I tried to explain this to my mom once but, she didn't get it and was kind of like if you don't want me to be critical of this or that just do it. I was wondering if anyone else could relate to criticism actually having the opposite desired effect on you? -Not constructive criticism but, seriously negative verbal/non verbal communication.

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe the opposite effect of what your abusive family wants, but rest assured that it's a normal reaction for someone to just shut down when someone is highly critical. I think it's a myth (that those in the business world will back me up on), that you motivate people by being highly critical. Bosses know this is why people quit!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

This is probably not what you meant, but it's this sort of thing that stops me cold. I get angry and obstinate. It only worked on me when I was too small and afraid to let my anger show.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Well oftentimes I have trouble still feeling small and like that vulnerable child inside...I feel emotionally regressed at times and still shut down.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

(((WishfulThinking))) I'm sorry that you're still being hurt. :(

 

[WishfulThinking123]

@Mal Content Thank you, this freeze/shut down response is just becoming stronger and it has started to make me nervous lately because, I am worried that I wont be able to protect myself if needed because I so quickly disassociate/freeze with any kind of conflict. I feel so pathetic and so weak sometimes...

 

[Starmoonbear]

So sorry, Wishful Thinking. I understand, I really do. My job is at risk because of it. Take care of yourself.

 

[Changing4Best]

This is something I was just thinking about today. When my parents, x husband, etc... were/a...

Yes, when folks heavily criticize me, I tend to go right on doing what I have been doing, especially if I feel that what I have been doing is not wrong.

 

[Rani G2]

am trying to be spiteful or trying to be combative to remain control. Something happens and I really shut down and it is even harder to get the motivation to do what is expected of me

Hey Wishfulthinking,

the shutting down happens because a part of you is protecting you or an aspect of your own self maybe? So, it cant be weakness... its a part of survival. I get angry when criticized in a certain way, depends on a lot of factors, but I tend to get very aggressive. I have argued with my boss, colleagues and so on because I feel the need to be strong, unfortunately I say thibgs I regret later.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My abusive parents were so highly critical of me when I was growing up, that now whenever someone does this to me I tend to avoid being with that person if it is possible. It never works on me, because I now get very angry. Being super critical of anyone is no way to get their desired effects from me. It just backfires on them.

I try not to be super critical of anyone. I just think and believe that it is a bad way to treat people.

 

[Rani G2]

It never works on me, because I now get very angry. Being super critical of anyone is no way to get their desired effects from me. It just backfires on them.

Same here Rain!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Rain, @PURUSHA, me too. There's no better way to get me to dig in my heels than that. I stay away from people like that, although I couldn't avoid one co-worker, so I told her that her behaviour was bullying and if she did it once more, I'd file a grievance against her. I was so angry, I think I was shaking.

I try to think about how very miserable these people must be to feel the need to hurt others, but that's only after I've had time to cool down. :(