Overwhelming Desire

[VikVikViktorious]

i have an overwhelming need to wean myself off setraline. Been on 4 months, very gradually made may up to 75 mg daily. Worked very well (after the initial disorientation).
My T strongly urges against this and my P says probably another 6 months on them atleast.
I trust them. They want the best for me. I feel so ready.

 

[Justmehere]

Why do you have the urge? What's the reason?

 

[VikVikViktorious]

I guess I feel that as long as I'm taking meds the more I'm in this recovery. I want to be done with it - I want to make that decision and start weaning myself in the name of progress.
I just get this feeling that the anxiety won't return. It won't be as constant. I've worked through the endless cycle of worry fear and guilt in my brain.
I'm ready to eat well and exercise. And spend time with friends again. I feel I can't do that while taking meds for the sexual abuse 15 years ago that they don't even know about. The shame is real.

 

[Enaila]

Follow the advise of your therapist. There is nothing wrong in having to take a maintenance medicine. Many people start to feel better and decide they don't need their meds. It often isn't until relationships have been screwed over or old habits and patterns return before they realize they should have kept taking it.

Why would you want to stop something which is helping you feel healthier? My father decided he was "too much of a man to keep taking meds" for his depression and bipolar. He now lives alone after attacking my mother and is too unpredictable and quick to anger for anyone else to be around.

Give it time and listen to your therapist who should know more about it than you. Just my two cents worth.

 

[Enaila]

By the way....you can still eat well and exercise while taking sertraline. Get back to doing your evening runs! Enjoy those cool evenings.....as long as the smoke isn't bad where you are..

 

[Justmehere]

I've worked through the endless cycle of worry fear and guilt in my brain.
I'm ready to eat well and exercise. And spend time with friends again. I feel I can't do that while taking meds for the sexual abuse 15 years ago that they don't even know about. The shame is real.

You say you have worked through the cycle of fear and guilt, but then you describe not being with friends because of a medication. Because of shame of the trauma.

You have done amazing work. Don't stop now and sabatoge yourself in this way.

Lots of people take meds for a lot of reasons. It's not because you are bad or shameful or failing at recovery. It's actually a sign of strength and courage to take care of you and do what you need to function at your best.

I suggest staying on the medication and focus on getting your social network and eating habits back first, and working through the shame that you feel. Then once you are engaged in social connections and eating and exceeding well, when that is in place, then it might be time to ask the therapist and doctor about lowering and stopping the medication.

 

[VikVikViktorious]

That's the thing... I want to return to my old habits. It's all I know.

Thanks for the responses. This is a tough time- for months all I wanted to do was be able to think clearly. Now that I can, I have no idea what I want.

To me, being a responsible adult means not having any more fun ever. My all or nothing mentality is gonna kill me!

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe coming off meds is part of your recovery journey? Maybe you need a way to show yourself that yes you need meds a bit longer or no you don't. But------be aware that if you do go off meds and you realize that you need them again, that sometimes the second go round is far less successful. Sometimes you need to try something new and sometimes finding something new that actually works can take a bit of trial and error. But either way, this is your journey. I've personally come off meds so many times it isn't even funny. I finally stayed on until I had gone through a bit of therapy and learned a lot of skills. No matter what path you take, it's not wrong-----it's your path, your decision. :hug:

 

[VikVikViktorious]

Yeah. I took 50 today as opposed to 75. Trying not to focus on that, but every little feeling I get, my mind instantly attributes to the lowered dose. Even tho doc told me I could technically miss a whole day without adverse effect.

Lots of trial and error will be had... I'm a stubborn man...