In therapy...topics and conversation flowing as usual. I could feel myself "go," in and out of dissociating. Spacing out in between sentences. I'm supposed to tell my T when this happens, but I feel prideful at times and want to solve problems on my own.
Then, not sure what happened to trigger this, but I remember T talking and none of it made sense. I was gone--fixated on a desk or chair, or something. This isn't the first time this has happened, of course.
Okay, so what made it different this time was, after supposedly several minutes, I came to, but I was unable to move. I wanted to scream for help. I was paralyzed but my brain was aware. Then, after a couple of minutes, I gained the strength to ask for help from T, my eyes were tightly shut, and I was only able to move my arms and clinched fists slowly. Then, without warning the repressed sadness came forward and I exploded in sobs. My T seemed pleased with this part, I usually detach from my feelings but, I was still confused upon awakening, and I barely remember what he said to me before I left. I shivered all the way home and for hours afterwards. WHAT THE?!?
Then, not sure what happened to trigger this, but I remember T talking and none of it made sense. I was gone--fixated on a desk or chair, or something. This isn't the first time this has happened, of course.
Okay, so what made it different this time was, after supposedly several minutes, I came to, but I was unable to move. I wanted to scream for help. I was paralyzed but my brain was aware. Then, after a couple of minutes, I gained the strength to ask for help from T, my eyes were tightly shut, and I was only able to move my arms and clinched fists slowly. Then, without warning the repressed sadness came forward and I exploded in sobs. My T seemed pleased with this part, I usually detach from my feelings but, I was still confused upon awakening, and I barely remember what he said to me before I left. I shivered all the way home and for hours afterwards. WHAT THE?!?
