Supporter Partner Of Beautiful Man Dx With Ptsd

[Katherinenotme]

Over the past four years I've often found my self seeking out the words of suffers and supporters, on sites like this one, in an attempt understand to some degree how he experiences the world and how I can best support the two of us. My partner attends f/n appts with both a Psychologist and Psychiatrist and has done so for the past 7 years.

When my partner is well (minimal stressors) we connect strongly in regards to those fundamental must haves e.g. political views, moral and ethical values, shared goals and aspirations and we both posses a decidedly 'kooky' sense of humour. When he is unwell - well, let me say that physically i'm unharmed however I'm heartbroken to come to realisation that I have become his illness - no longer am I the independent and self confident woman I once was - i'm no longer me.

Not unlike most PTSD sufferers, my partner needs to feel that he is in control of his immediate environment to help manage his symptoms. As i'm a very immediate presence in his environment, I also need to be controlled - or so it feels. My 'trigger' to actually posting is due to the most recent bout of explosive anger towards me regarding a back injury I have managed (very well) for 25 years. Recently my back condition has declined and I experience some difficulties with mobility. These could very easily be managed with some re-arrangement in the house. I asked permission to install a hand held shower head, an 'up side down' fridge and an armchair - fortunately we are financially secure. Fairly unobtrusive changes, I felt. The response to this request has been explained to me in no uncertain terms - OUT OF THE QUESTION.

I feel so crushed by this (hardly unexpected) response as I've spent years supporting and advocating on behalf of my partner. I foolishly hoped that permission to make these changes would be 'recognition' for my unwavering support and some small understanding that I also have health needs that I must manage responsibly. I cant understand the level of outrage elicited by my request.

I'm forbidden to discuss his PTSD with anybody - including my GP. Fortunately (in this circumstance) my partner is computer illiterate. I could really do with some supportive words from others both sufferers and supporters.

K

 

[Seagreen]

Hello and welcome. Im sure you will find lots of support and understanding here. I have a long term injury too. Your health and well being should be a priority to both you and your partner. I would be upset in your position too.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome... It's hard to be ill or injured when somebody else is the official patient in the relationship. You are not asking for anything out of the scope of reason, and you are not wrong to be crushed by his lack of empathy. It sucks to not have the same courtesies you give your partner extended back towards you.

 

[Nighthawk]

Welcome to the forum:)

 

[intothelight]

@Katherinenotme Welcome to the forum!

There is an entire section for supporter where you will find information and most importantly support for yourself. For what it is worth, your husbands response sounded like a knee jerk reaction and it would probably be good (if possible) to discuss his reaction with him. Was his response based in fear of your health condition declining? It isn't helpful to you, but sometimes understanding where these reactions come from can help both parties.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial.

 

[Friday]

Welcome.

Sometimes, @Katherinenotme, we PTSD people can be incredibly selfish assholes. What looks like a normal 1+1=2 (back injury + moving furniture = helpful) or 2+2=4 (I've helped you, you help me = fair) just gets lost in the shuffle. And we need things broken down Barney style. In short words and concepts. And then it's like a bolt of lightning. Oh!!! Of course!!! But the link doesn't happen on its own. It needs spelling out. A bit literal minded, many of us.

My hopes, is that this is what is going on.

 

[InlovewithaPTSDvet]

Hi Katherine, I've experienced similar from my PTSD vet husband.

Have you read the stranger in my bed by Debbie sprague. It's on amazon and kindle. It helped me a great deal and may do you too. It's a positive slant on dealing with living with a partner with PTSD. Give it a go!

Take good care of yourself x