2seetheworld
New Here
hi everyone,
looking for some guidance here.
Currently I am in a relationship with someone who brings out my PTSD.
My partner is loving and kind. He is younger than me and a little immature but is a very diplomatic person. We have been together for two years and although we have been through a lot together, he has stuck with me through all of my panic attacks. All of the times I felt like he would leave me because I’m “crazy” or “unloveable” – he has been there.
However, experiences from his past bring out my PTSD and it has caused such a struggle in our relationship. It’s the underlying factor that has continued to bring issues up, big and small.
First, a little background.
Me: For 5 years I was in an on and off “relationship” with a man who raped me when I lost my virginity and then went on to manipulate, sexually, verbally and emotionally abused me. My self-worth was very low at the time which is why this continued to take place, but that’s another topic for another day. He would sometimes just stop talking to me abruptly, which I came to learn was a tool he used to “keep me around.” There was one specific moment that I feel the most PTSD from. Long story short I finally stood up to him after being submissive for so many years. His response was to run, literally. He got up and left my apartment without any explanation. He was emotionless that night, and just walked out of the door. After he left I had a panic attack that was unlike most I had before. It was the first night I ever wanted to kill myself, and I tried to. I always had a problem with people “leaving” before that, but this was a moment that really drove the nail in. After that I would freak the moment someone would just walk away from me if the mood was tense or if people would emotionally remove themselves.
My partner: He is an only child from a broken home and deals with severe depression. His parents both love him dearly, but he says that this divorce was traumatic on him and the emotions of it all became overbearing for him. We don’t talk about this often, he doesn’t share emotionally and claims to not be an “emotional” person. Since we started dating whenever I would have panic attacks or just become emotional about anything he seemed to remove himself, and disassociate sometimes. This would make me panic even more, and he would disassociate further and it was always just a recipe for disaster.
We both love each other very much and we’re both best friends. He does what he can, but sometimes it seems he can’t do that much. He thinks he might be bad for me, because he brings out my PTSD. Maybe I think I’m bad for him because I bring out those emotionally overbearing fears.
I really don’t want to lose our relationship because in so many ways we have taught each other a great deal. In the past 2 years he has helped me become more independent, financially stable, emotionally stable (to an extent, ha!), confident, I was able to come out to him as bisexual and he whole-heartedly accepted me and just wants me to be who I am. All he wants for me is to see me succeed and continue being a loving and caring person.
I cannot speak for him, but he’s told me that I have made him more patient, emotional and loving of a person. I’ve helped him learn what love feels like – he says he’s never loved anything more than he’s loved me, except his poodle. His dog was a gift given to him during his parents’ divorce that helped him through his depression.
Is it possible this will always be an issue? How can we stop the explosiveness when the hot and cold fronts meet? He has the tendency to put the responsibility to “fix” this issue on me, and getting control of my emotions. When all I want from him to meet me half way and start to truly understand how his emotional detachment plays a huge role in this problem. He says he will go to therapy, but I am not sure he actually wants to. Or thinks it will be ultimately helpful in our situation.
looking for some guidance here.
Currently I am in a relationship with someone who brings out my PTSD.
My partner is loving and kind. He is younger than me and a little immature but is a very diplomatic person. We have been together for two years and although we have been through a lot together, he has stuck with me through all of my panic attacks. All of the times I felt like he would leave me because I’m “crazy” or “unloveable” – he has been there.
However, experiences from his past bring out my PTSD and it has caused such a struggle in our relationship. It’s the underlying factor that has continued to bring issues up, big and small.
First, a little background.
Me: For 5 years I was in an on and off “relationship” with a man who raped me when I lost my virginity and then went on to manipulate, sexually, verbally and emotionally abused me. My self-worth was very low at the time which is why this continued to take place, but that’s another topic for another day. He would sometimes just stop talking to me abruptly, which I came to learn was a tool he used to “keep me around.” There was one specific moment that I feel the most PTSD from. Long story short I finally stood up to him after being submissive for so many years. His response was to run, literally. He got up and left my apartment without any explanation. He was emotionless that night, and just walked out of the door. After he left I had a panic attack that was unlike most I had before. It was the first night I ever wanted to kill myself, and I tried to. I always had a problem with people “leaving” before that, but this was a moment that really drove the nail in. After that I would freak the moment someone would just walk away from me if the mood was tense or if people would emotionally remove themselves.
My partner: He is an only child from a broken home and deals with severe depression. His parents both love him dearly, but he says that this divorce was traumatic on him and the emotions of it all became overbearing for him. We don’t talk about this often, he doesn’t share emotionally and claims to not be an “emotional” person. Since we started dating whenever I would have panic attacks or just become emotional about anything he seemed to remove himself, and disassociate sometimes. This would make me panic even more, and he would disassociate further and it was always just a recipe for disaster.
We both love each other very much and we’re both best friends. He does what he can, but sometimes it seems he can’t do that much. He thinks he might be bad for me, because he brings out my PTSD. Maybe I think I’m bad for him because I bring out those emotionally overbearing fears.
I really don’t want to lose our relationship because in so many ways we have taught each other a great deal. In the past 2 years he has helped me become more independent, financially stable, emotionally stable (to an extent, ha!), confident, I was able to come out to him as bisexual and he whole-heartedly accepted me and just wants me to be who I am. All he wants for me is to see me succeed and continue being a loving and caring person.
I cannot speak for him, but he’s told me that I have made him more patient, emotional and loving of a person. I’ve helped him learn what love feels like – he says he’s never loved anything more than he’s loved me, except his poodle. His dog was a gift given to him during his parents’ divorce that helped him through his depression.
Is it possible this will always be an issue? How can we stop the explosiveness when the hot and cold fronts meet? He has the tendency to put the responsibility to “fix” this issue on me, and getting control of my emotions. When all I want from him to meet me half way and start to truly understand how his emotional detachment plays a huge role in this problem. He says he will go to therapy, but I am not sure he actually wants to. Or thinks it will be ultimately helpful in our situation.
