Pausing/quitting therapy

[ladee]

And the other side to the 'what if's' is, what if something shifts and it's not such a struggle anymore?

I do understand what you are saying Rumors, and if you need to take a break, then give yourself permission to do this.

Not knowing your story, I don't know what you do struggle with every day. And this IS hard. Especially if we feel we are struggling. And saying you T will get tired of wanting to help you is projection. The only way you will get that answer is to talk with her about this. The worst that can happen is she says yes, I'm getting tired of working with you. The best that can happen is that she has spent so much time with you that she understands as well as you do how hard this is, and is in it for however long it takes.


You are going to have to take some risks either way. Either by taking a break or quitting therapy. Or talking with your T. It's what I call 'picking your pain'. The discomfort of talking with her,or the discomfort of taking a break without knowing the facts and consequences.

If you can't say it to her, write it down and hand it to her. If she allows emails, send her an email. Not everything has to be hard. We can give ourselves permission to take a less stressful route to our answers.

I am wishing you well Rumors. You do deserve to have a life that is less tragic and upsetting. And it is disheartening to discover it is up to us either way. We didn't ask to be in this position, and it's very upsetting that it was never our fault to begin with, and yet we are stuck having to clean up the mess.

I remember being so angry and feeling so hopeless when I got to the place you are in. That's why I say I do hear you and I do understand what you are feeling. And what I did was give myself a break. But I also set a deadline or a goal if you like.

But it was after talking with my T so she understood that I just needed a break. She was very understanding and also said if I needed to go back to her before my few months was up, just let her know.

That needing to go back was not a sign of failure or that I was too sick to ever get better. It was a sign that I wanted to live and that I wanted to try one more time.

It's a hard place you are in right now. But it also doesn't have to be the end. It can be a new beginning after taking a break. Possibly you would feel more focused on what you needed after a break.

Either way, I'm rooting for you. Either way, it's your choice. Not because you are hopeless, but because you are so very tired.

If you are on meds, maybe that needs to be revisited. Possibly some adjustments need to be made to help you thru this time of feeling stuck.

It's normal on this journey to look up and ask ourselves, what's the point to all this? Very normal.

But you are not hopeless, it only feels that way, and oftentimes, feelings are not facts. It's just where we are at the time on our journey.

Sending you a basket full of HOPE. And some Spring flowers to lighten your mood.

 

[Friday]

What if this is as good as it gets?

Then you figure out how to make exactly what you have right now... amazing.

Recovering from anything is always a 2 step process... step one is trying to get better than you are, right now. Step two is taking the end result -whatever it is- and working with it to build a life you love and adore.

Skipping the 2nd step? People do that... but I’m not sure why. Sitting at home, sad and alone in a wheelchair, because that’s the best you have after a car accident, and there are no more therapies, or surgeries, or exercises... vs... building a life you love and adore in sports, arts, mechanics, academics, outdoors, social, solo, whatever.

Doesn’t mean grieving what you’d hoped for isn’t warranted... but there’s a time to put away grief, and start working toward new horizons. The best purpose sulking has, in my experience, is the awareness that sulking isn’t any fun. It’s a boring way to spend the rest of my life.

What if I fail at getting any better than I am right now?

Interesting that this is a different fear than not getting what you wanted... specifically failing to get what you wanted.

What if I don't get any better than I am right now and she gives up? I would rather quit first...

I can think of half a dozen reasons why this might be the case... but you’d get more traction at looking at why it IS the case... and if it is better to leave it in place, or work on it.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm not ghosting her at all. I just didn't give her the whole reason why... I just want to feel normal for a while... not like I am fighting an uphill battle all the time..

There is nothing wrong with the truth as you have described it.....sounds like she has been quite helpful...and you've relied on her.......j I just think being honest is very important because many of us have learned not to just be real, not be plain blunt honest. I find out in the end, things are less messy when I'm honest.

....and I didn't say you ghosted her.....nor were you really clear. I said if you did....ghost her......it could be hurtful....therapists are not emotionless folks.....She's been your therapist 9 years.....saying goodbye, rather than ghosting or just leaving for a vacation but knowing you never plan to return is a healthier way, (IMHO) of dealing with another human being.

 

[whiteraven]

I am afraid I just won't ever get better than I am right now. I have been at it for quite a while....

Oh wow. This is me! I've been going to therapy decades longer than you and I usually think I am stuck and not making any progress. I really have had to stand back and look at then, then at now. I have made huge strides and I bet you have, too.

I think taking breaks is a great idea. I'm on one now. One of the things I notice is that when I'm doing weekly therapy, I'm pretty focused most of the time on that. It feels a little like I'm not *living* when I'm in therapy. I still need him, but it's helped me realize I can manage pretty well on my own.

 

[Mach123]

I posted here by accident sorry, wrong thread.

 

[pink318]

So, I have been in therapy a long time...9 years in October. My first therapist moved and I started seeing a partner. She has been awesome and is very likable and I have a tremendous amount of respect. I enjoy my time talking with her as we discuss different things other than trauma. She has helped me a ton, but at the end of the day I am just doubting that anything will ever be "normal" and I kind of feel like I am on a one way ticket to failure. My therapist has invested so much time and energy in to trying to help and fact is I kind of live with an abnormal daily life. I feel like I am at a crossroads of quitting bc I can't quite get over the hump and I feel like I should be over this by now. I kind of implied that I needed a break, but I kind of want to quit bc I just don't think I have the energy to do this anymore.

Hello,
I have a sister who was diagnosed with anxiety and she refused counselling. One of the reasons she refused counselling is because she’s a very quiet type of person. She will not open up her feelings to anyone. I was thinking that it’s impossible for her to overcome her anxiety without professional help. I reach out to her. I send her messages daily and we talk about anything just to let her know that she’s not alone. It’s a big help and I can see that her mood is improving.

I’m telling you my sister’s story to encourage you not to quit. If you have someone you can trust, you can talk to that person and share your feelings. You have mentioned in one of your replies that you have made progress so please stay strong. Instead of quitting therapy, maybe you can try to do something that you will enjoy. Do you have a support group? It will help you not to feel alone. You will be encouraged and learn from others’ life experiences. You might also consider writing down your emotions in your journal. I hope this helps. Take care of yourself. Keep sharing. God bless.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Hello,
I have a sister who was diagnosed with anxiety and she refused counselling. One of the reasons she refused counselling is because she’s a very quiet type of person. She will not open up her feelings to anyone. I was thinking that it’s impossible for her to overcome her anxiety without professional help. I reach out to her. I send her messages daily and we talk about anything just to let her know that she’s not alone. It’s a big help and I can see that her mood is improving.

I’m telling you my sister’s story to encourage you not to quit. If you have someone you can trust, you can talk to that person and share your feelings. You have mentioned in one of your replies that you have made progress so please stay strong. Instead of quitting therapy, maybe you can try to do something that you will enjoy. Do you have a support group? It will help you not to feel alone. You will be encouraged and learn from others’ life experiences. You might also consider writing down your emotions in your journal. I hope this helps. Take care of yourself. Keep sharing. God bless.

I knew no one when I left the dysfunctional ones.....and life was so hard because there were many things I didn't get or understand.... I started out taking one art class....just a few people and I was lucky, everyone was so positive about my work....people weren't critical....You are quite right, being connected with people is in my opinion, the only way to overcome anxiety/fears......and realize all the false fears tha.t held me back.....I believe being open to learning new things, something you've always wanted to do, can help to gain confidence and improve self-esteem.

 

[Rumors]

Thank you all for your replies. I have some questions to ask when I have time to sit down and go through it all. I am kind of stopping the trauma work for now. I feel like I have been run over by a train. I hate that, but it makes me unable to handle working on bad stuff. I still live with the daily intrusiveness of my thoughts, memories, nightmares. My husband isn't even on the support list, nor can I tell him bc he would use it against me at some point. Plus, he can't keep his mouth shut and would tell people. I wish coronavirus weren't prevalent bc I would probably take a trip...

 

[TruthSeeker]

Thank you all for your replies. I have some questions to ask when I have time to sit down and go through it all. I am kind of stopping the trauma work for now. I feel like I have been run over by a train. I hate that, but it makes me unable to handle working on bad stuff. I still live with the daily intrusiveness of my thoughts, memories, nightmares. My husband isn't even on the support list, nor can I tell him bc he would use it against me at some point. Plus, he can't keep his mouth shut and would tell people. I wish coronavirus weren't prevalent bc I would probably take a trip...

My biggest go to...destresser is a day or two, away from home, out in nature........but I'm stuck for now. It's starting to really eat at me.
A day trip....always keeps me good for about a week!

 

[Digz]

I underwent therapy for years too. I did find that I got to a point where I had learned a lot of strategies for self-management and although I knew I was never going to be completely 'well', I decided to step out of therapy and see how I went. My therapist was good, but to some degree I got to a point where I felt like maybe focusing on the present and future might be less disruptive. For me, it worked really well for lots of years. I think I actually learned a lot about myself and relying on myself a bit more was good for my strength. I am now unfortunately back in therapy after a new, nasty flashback I'm having trouble with, but somehow I feel much stronger and more effective in therapy than I think I did before. I can't explain why and I don't necessarily think it would be the same for everyone, but a break or stopping therapy for a period of time worked well for me.

 

[Rumors]

Just a short update... worked on a couple things this week. I have felt this sense of immense exhaustion lately like I just couldn't take on anything else and started that shut down mode. I take on too much personally, at work, with therapy, etc. I learned a boundary. I was able to say I needed a break and the world didn't come to an end. Actually, after the initial "holy shit" feeling left, it was empowering. My therapist didn't get mad, she didn't dump me, I didn't implode, I was able to work through some feelings using my rationale skills. I did talk with her, we worked on some stuff, I was able to tell her that I needed to not delve in to a certain subject. It was ok. I feel better. I have to work on my health some...having some issues and that makes me insane.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I paused my therapy in the 1990’s, never went back, then in 2003 I packed up and left town, and went 15 years before I went back into therapy.