Other Peace???

[hogananjiggs]

So I survived satanic ritual abuse. It happened beetween 5 and 7 yes old.
Right now I wish I didn't survive I'm haunted every day. My shame button is the size of a dinner table I would so love peace so I could be useful to my wife and kids.
I'm working and it's difficult alot and I'm so tired at the end of the day.
I have a bad memory I stutter and talk slow in alot of situations, horribly graphic dreams and I'm pretty sure I will go to hell.
I am in therapy but it's s l o w.
I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks

 

[Virtues]

I'm sorry that happened to you, but I'm glad you found your way to this forum for support. For what it's worth I don't think you're going to hell for what happened to you when you were 5 to 7 years old. I deeply saddens me to hear that you feel this way. I will be praying for you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm pretty sure I will go to hell.

Ive said that more times than I can count.

I grew up in a cult. I dont much like calling it SRA just cuz of the 80s and all the SRA "disproving" stuff or whatever (mostly what you get when you google SRA) so I just call it a weird religon insane cult where we did horrific stuff.

But anyway, just thought Id tell ya that you arent alone in your struggles...at all!

 

[Stickler]

I am still in the process of recovering memories of being sexually abused, *mostly* by my father, *mostly* between the ages of 6 and 8, and rented to various parties ( so far as I currently know ) between the ages of 6-8 as well.

I seem to have dissociative identities. There are other people of sorts in my head.

This is not Satanic ritual abuse, admittedly. But I ought to be able to kind of understand some of what you've been through. Particularly the shame.
...I keep having to fight that off...first for myself...then for each alter I connect with. It was not me or my alters' fault. Or yours. We were too small to fight them off. They could have killed us, in my case they came close by accident, twice.

They probably pulled rather nasty psychological tricks to make you think you were to blame, beyond the universal tendency of any kid to blame themselves for everything bad adults do to said kid.

Child sex abusers ( well, abusers of all stripes ) blame their victims.
Cults and programmers do it in a formal, planned, controlled way, rather than the instinctual and casual way most abusers do it.
...More work to unsnarl the tangles from. But do-able. I believe in you.

 

[Stickler]

...ack! Browser fart... :wacky:

 

[void]

So I survived satanic ritual abuse. It happened beetween 5 and 7 yes old.
Right now I wish I didn'...

@hogananjiggs

You are welcome here.:hug:
Others here have been subjected to cult abuse as you can see.

You believe you will go to Hell because they told you that.
They lied.
They said that to cause fear and to control your mind.

Do you have DID?
Are you receiving help?

 

[Sideways]

You will not go to hell for what happened.

You were an innocent child, who deserved to be loved and cared for, and you deserve love and compassion still.

 

[Changing4Best]

I feel for you. However, what happened to us at ages 5-7, even if we willingly took part in it, is not our fault. Whoever involved you in that sort of thing, did so with you before your "age of accountability" which would at the youngest be considered to be in your teens, in my opinion. At age 5-7, we are not capable of understanding what is right and wrong. Our minds and lives are being shaped by those around us, especially those we depend upon at that age. No one can expect a child of that age to understand that something like that is wrong. So don't blame yourself. Be kind to yourself, OK?

 

[hogananjiggs]

@hogananjiggs

You are welcome here.:hug:
Others here have been subjected to cult abuse...

Hi Void
Yes I'm am getting help got my appointment Thursday. I dissociate quite alot I'm working thru all of it but it's hard.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You are not going to hell and I think you are doing amazingly well for what is going on in your life and what issues you have to come to terms with. I am so relieved that you are getting help. You are innocent and were controlled and badly abused by adults who knew what they were doing to you. They were trying to brainwash you and break your spirit. Sick adults that were so sadistic! I am glad you made this thread. Just a bunch of sick and depraved adults. I hope for the day when Your rightious anger will turn back on them and hand all of their willful actions back to them. If there is a hell they will be the ones going to it.:hug:

 

[hogananjiggs]

Thank you all !

 

[void]

@hogananjiggs

I'm glad you have professional help, and we'll be glad to help in some way if we can as well.:hug:
Unraveling the web of lies is very difficult.

Always ask yourself, "Why was I told this/taught this?"
"Was it to control me? Was it to cause fear and obedience?"

May you find peace.:hug: