Peoples Misunderstanding Of Ptsd

[Anna]

I recently shared with someone about my illness.

Anyhow, we were having a conversation when they mentioned about someone they know looking at unpleasant nasty pictures, they told me they told this person not to look at the pictures in question, then callously made the comment "that is how you can get PTSD".

I was so shocked, I did not say anything back... I did not ever disclose to this person how I became ill, but I did mention that I nearly died and suffered physical damage.

I was quite angry and thinking about it, even though I get on with this person, sometimes the comments they make I find quite callous and typical of someone who has no understanding of PTSD.

They also once made a comment about suicide, stating in their view only people who were weak, etc etc...
I was also blown away by this comment. I am feeling quite sick about it.

Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?

I like this person, and get on with them very well, but they make stupid comments, mainly about mental illness. I kind of presume it is because they have no idea how it feels and completly misunderstand it. I feel stupid telling them now about my illness. I wish I hadn't.

 

[Tanishq]

Anna, I understand what you are saying and sharing here. I would feel stupid,too.

Someone did say that if you don't study you go in poverty and die with cracked mind. It feared me that moment, but later I thought it is better to let them go and never pay attention to them when they are speaking such things.

You know some people think they understand everything and are free to speak anything whatever comes in their mind or mouth. In fact, they should shut up and need to train themselves to think 10 times before they speak something.

I am sorry, you are regretting that you shared some of your personal things. Now you know, next time when they are saying just do ok ok and move on. This can help you to learn move on from things which upset you.

 

[Loner]

People learn better social skills when they get negative social feedback. Give them a look like "wow are you really that freaking stupid' Sounds mean but thats how people learn. They sound kind of immature.

 

[intothelight]

I don't know if anyone can understand this disorder unless they "have been there and done that". I don't even try to explain it or share unless someone is genuinely interested or concerned. If people are not willing to listen with an open heart and mind, then I figure it is just a waste of energy and time.

 

[Eleanor]

Lots of people suffer from diarehea of the mouth, that is, producing words without benefit of a thought process. Perhaps this is your friend's disability?

PTSD is genuinely hard to understand for those without direct knowledge. And most people don't bother to educate themselves about even the stuff that is actually important for THEM to understand for THEIR lives. Honestly - I am regularly brought up short by the stunning and uncontested ignorance of my otherwise brilliant and charming students at a selective university. Example: a whole class full of seniors (who have been in college for four years!) didn't realize that one could defer admissions to a college for a year. ?!?!?!?

I'd be a little more indirect than Loner - I guess I'd make some comment like "yeah, and I guess you can get pregnant from sharing toothbrushes too" - ok maybe a bit to indirect. How about "If you keep making that face your face will get stuck like that."? But something along those lines. I agree with Loner that correction is in order.

Query: Why should another person's ignorance have any impact on your own view of your personal integrity/judgment? Ignorance does not necessarily translate to lack of compassion. I had a sort-of boss once who talked like the worst sort of ignorant racist - and whose best friend at work was a trash talking african american guy. Go figure. Sometimes the words really don't mean what you think they mean.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Anna,

I think Eleanor made some good points.

Personally I am not able to cope with responses like that and so don't say anything to anyone. But rationally I know that ignorance and compassion are two different things. That someone can be a good friend in certain respects even though they are lucky enough to be naive and ignorant when it comes to mental health and trauma.

I think some people are capable of being educated and others are not.

I agree responding in a way that is educational is helpful. Allowing yourself to look shocked for example and repeating the "from looking at photos?!!!!!"

I wish my self was strong enough to be able to fob off things like this but it isn't so I think you are brave trying.

 

[HealingandDealing]

I completely understand this. I think that part of the misunderstanding is partly the media's fault. PTSD is presented to people as only from post-war and makes you act violently. They don't show the emotional turmoil, or any other cause of PTSD. One time I told a friend I had PTSD, and they said "How? You've never been to war. Maybe you have something else." and another time I told someone and they said "Do you kill people and forget about it?" I struggle with that I want to educate them and change their perception, but sometimes all I have the strength for is to walk away

I would be honest with the friend and tell them how it makes you feel. If they are any type of friend they will understand and try and change.

HealingAndDealing

 

[Loner]

There was another thread that brought up some of these same points a while ago. I think its was called 'how to you tell someone you have ptsd' or something like that.

I remember posting in it to say that perhaps you dont need to tell people you have PTSD. If you mention your diagnosis first, that will make people feel uncomfortable because they won't understand it, but if you tell them what you've been through that caused the diagnosis, they will understand better and might even be able to empathize.

For example, if I tell people I have ptsd they might be put off by it, but if I say, the first time my father beat me I was barely old enough to talk and had little understanding of what was going on besides the fear I felt of him, I think most people would be more supportive and empathetic.

Most people have some basic intuitive understanding of human psychology but cannot relate that to the textbook language of modern clinical psychology. Think how many movies you've seen where something bad happened to someone and they closed themselves off as a result. Thats either ptsd or acute stress disorder, but labeling it as such is confusing to the average person. Just stick with the intuitive and emotional understandings of things I think.

 

[Abstract]

I am afraid I think its very possible to get unhelpful comments in response to telling what happened too. And for me I think that would be worse.

 

[Lucycat]

Ignorance of PTSD is everywhere.

My boss was a Psychiatric Nurse.

When I was off sick following a suicide attempt, I went to see her about my return to work. That was the first time that I told her I had PTSD. Her reaction - yes but it is because your job is not challenging enough that you got depressed and wanted to end it all!!!

My PTSD is nothing to do with my job. I would not have told her my diagnosis if I thought she would not understand. I guess in those moments I learned why she is no longer practicing psychiatry!!

 

[xena21]

I think people hear what they want to hear when it comes to mental illness. Sometimes it's hard for people to relate or it's uncomfortable to talk about anything connected to it. When they hear terminology like PTSD or Major Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), etc they associate things to what they can handle easily. A lot of people know this terminology from news stories or things they hear repeatedly.

they mentioned about someone they know looking at unpleasant nasty pictures, they told me they told this person not to look at the pictures in question, then callously made the comment "that is how you can get PTSD".

This person has no idea what PTSD really was, but fit this terminology into a scenario that he thought was accurate based on what he had heard before. So many people do this every day. It sucks to the people that suffer from these things, but so many people throw around these phrases and correlations between things that aren't true that it they constantly grow.

In my experience, I have dealt with the comments about suicide as a weakness and PTSD, but the one I hear the most that is bothersome is about OCD. I think it's because people don't realize house devastating an illness it can be, and with the way the media has portrayed it and made it seem "funny" with the hand washing and things like that, people use it as common language. For example, people say all the time they are "bit OCD" or something to that effect. I want to ask them if they take medication for that and if it takes them hours to get into bed. Does it make them contemplate killing themselves and do they not leave the house for days on end or see another person for fear of being contaminated by anything or hurting them?

People have no idea what they say that can be hurtful, but they really don't mean it personally. It's just the ignorance of it can be very painful.

 

[safenow]

I guess I'd make some comment like "yeah, and I guess you can get pregnant from sharing toothbrushes too" -

I loved this response, Eleanor. Thank you for the chuckle. There are times that shock value is called for when people say ignorant stuff regarding PTSD or even Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD).

I knew a women for about six years, and during that time, I explained to her why I hybernate every year at Thanksgiving. I told her to not knock or come over on that day. I told her not to call me even. I explained to her in detail that I tend to cry all day, and I fracture. My little come out, and I'm a mess, so I don't care to see anyone or have anyone see me in that condition. All my other friends learned the first year they knew me. But not this woman.

Point of fact, she got upset because I refused to see her. She kept saying, "But I'm your friend." I finally had to drop her because she kept trying to throw a guilt trip on me. Still to this day, I wonder why she couldn't get it, that when a child is kidnapped, you don't just "get over it". To my way of thinking, if she had been a "friend" she would have allowed me that day, then come over the next day to ask how I was doing. But perhaps I ask too much of people.

Some people never get it.