Perpetuating Chaos

[clare]

I was wondering if CPTSD and "danger seeking" or creating chaos in our lives may be connected. Does desensitization warp our minds so much that what is bad is not only "normal" for us but subconsciously pursued? Any thoughts?

 

[adrian_newbridge]

Oh yes it does, I've done things I know I would never normally hve done before which have been dangerous to me and my way of life. The worst one? Just messed up my marriage and walked out for someone else. Seemed to do it on auto pilot, now everything has gone wrong for those who cared for me. What have I done and what made me do it? I just lost my sense of danger and responsibility.

 

[Tinyflame]

I believe that when one is accustomed to crises there can always be the temptation to "create" one because that is what one is familiar (and thus "comfortable" with, unfortunately.

Add in hypervigilance, suicidal ideation, inability to sleep, reckless behaviour, poor self worth/ esteem, etc, and it doesn't always result in exactly the most rational and self-caring decisions, not for me, anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Have you been stable before? Its boring as HECK! Of course I perpetuate drama and chaos in my life. Its where I am most comfortable because it is all I have ever known. My therapist tells me that I have to sit with my extremely uncomfortable feelings of being "stable" (i.e. without the anxiety) until feeling "stable" becomes second nature to me. Its taking me a while to get used to not being "wired" all the time, but I'm slowly getting there. I have to constantly resist the urge to create anxiety provoking chaos in my life...it is an uphill battle to say the least!

 

[suzie q]

What a great thread...I think both my husband and myself are addicted to chaos.

For a lot of years growing up, my husband lived in total family chaos. The loudest got heard, the quickest got food, one child blamed for anothers actions, etc... After we both began our healing processes individually, he learned that he actually created chaos to feel alive and in control. He said it was like a free buzz. I created chaos to get my husband to listen to me or pay attention to me. We both were junkies. Of course, I was always anxious and shakey and he was always tired and confused.

When we identified our need to create chaos and why, therapy helped us communicate in a healthy way and deal with each situation as it naturally came in life. We still have our occasional slips, but now have the tools to identify and address. We are by no means healed from this addiction, but we now can see the monster.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I believe that if you grow up in a dysfunctional home, then THAT becomes your *normal*........You don't know how to be/live/act/react/function other than in a dysfunctional way. If it isn't there, then you create it. It just becomes so ingrained in us from childhood, and that this, was how we survived, that we act and do the same things as adults.

Recognizing that behavior as wrong, if half of the battle.......CHANGING that behavior/thought patterns/actions/reactions, is the other half, and the hardest to do......But, it can be done.....

From my experience, I watched other people and how they behaved themselves in all kinds of situations. I studied other peoples behaviors sort of, and would think of how I would handle the situation, and my way, was soooooo different from theirs. I knew then, that I had to change.

It was the hardest thing I did while in therapy. It was draining, completely draining. I soon learned that I could spot myself falling back into *old* ways really quickly, and could stop it.... During this time I called it Old behavior/New behavior or the *bitch vs Wendy....