Phobias

[intrasearching]

How many of you have developed phobias along with your PTSD? Because of some of my trauma, I have a severe phobia of mental illness. I have worried almost every day of my life that I am/will become schizophrenic, bipolar, borderline etc. I have been in therapy since early childhood and have been told by several different professionals that I have nothing but PTSD and "anxiety". Nevertheless, my hyper-vigilance and my racing, obsessive thoughts make me feel crazy all the time. I know too much about mental illness so I can instantly pick up on any perception/feeling/thought that even vaguely resembles a symptom of some illness I fear. My significant other (s/o) knows me better than anyone and she confirms for me every day that "all is well" and "nothing has changed" externally yet I cannot let go of the fear. I guess it's just my hyper-vigilance worrying about something because otherwise there really isn't anything to be on guard about (?).

Is it common for PTSD sufferers to develop phobias? What are some that you experience? How do you cope?

I did accept today (thanks to my s/o's coaching) that my fear is exactly because I am so in-tune with reality and immediately recognize when some potential thought or feeling would be counter to it.

It's tiresome to be so persistently transfixed on this anxiety, as I am sure many of you understand.

 

[Hashi]

Hi intrasearching,

I'm no expert, but I wonder if what you're describing is obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) rather than a phobia? Although there are some things in common, there are differences.

With a phobia you usually wouldn't think about it unless something very specific occurred, whereas with OCD it's frequently in your thoughts - eg if I have a phobia about snakes then I might not give that a thought unless I was actually in the reptile house at the zoo, but if I had OCD about snakes I might be thinking about them frequently, wherever I was. Also, it sounds like your significant other's reassurance might be something of a ritual that you depend on to dampen the anxiety a little, which is also typical of OCD.

The reason I'm suggesting it might be OCD rather than a phobia is not to be nit-picky or to try to diagnose you - obviously, you would need to see a qualified professional for that. It's just to suggest that self-help approaches could be different. There are some threads here on the forum about OCD in particular, and I wondered if they might be helpful, if you did a search for them and looked at whether that resonated with you?

 

[intrasearching]

I typically think the same thing and have actually purchased books on managing and understanding OCD. However, both of the psychologists I have worked with this year said I only have PTSD and "anxiety". I asked them specifically about OCD and the first one said "maybe a bit" and later said that I should not concern myself with diagnoses. The second one was more straightforward and said that I do not have OCD (I gave her the full story of my issues, believe me) but that I merely have obsessive thoughts and "anxiety".

But I do know that fear of schizophrenia is common enough with OCD that it is listed as a symptom on a UK OCD website. I would claim to have "pure O" but I do also use the internet as a compulsion, spending at least 20 minutes (usually more if I have my way - like hours) researching mental illnesses and trying to convince myself that I am not "crazy".

My biological aunt has OCD. It would make sense that I have at least a mild case. I worry every single day about being a bad person, having schizophrenia, bipolar, or borderline, about losing control and becoming violent, etc. It all feels so real that I can't convince myself it's just anxiety. Anxiety is a very tricky issue - it can have many flavors and can be very sneaky/convincing.

Anyway, maybe I will one day speak with a professional who recognizes OCD, but thus far they just say I have PTSD and "anxiety".

Thank you for the response; I really appreciate the opportunity to speak with others online about these issues.

 

[Hashi]

I'm not going to argue against a diagnosis. I would say that I use the term OCD here on the forum because it's understood but I personally don't make much distinction between anxiety generally and OCD. I use the same kind of approaches whether it's a constant, obsessive anxiety with compulsive actions or a sudden compelling anxiety about a particular thing that I feel out of control of. In both cases, I have to do general things like deep relaxation exercises every day, and specific things like work to stop ruminating on the thoughts, calming myself, turning my attention to something else etc.

If you're looking at self help, then anything that helps is valuable, regardless of the label that it comes with.

Just out of interest, did either therapist feel it was a phobia? And what did they recommend for dealing with the issue?

 

[intrasearching]

Neither of them actually said anything definitive about it... :facepalm:

One uses EMDR to help me overcome all my PTSD stuff, etc. The other just said that I need to figure out how to stop worrying about it because there was a time when I worried less and I could "go back to that".

Also, I agree with what you say -- the label doesn't matter beyond finding the right treatment. I really need to accept that deep down.