General Phone Call Issues

[sisu]

I have to say for the most part my boyfriend who has PTSD and I get along very well. He is able to communicate what he is feeling/thinking/etc. and we are able to talk about it or work through it. It did take a few years to reach this level of trust, but it has helped our relationship immensely that he is able to talk about his thoughts and feelings. We talk on the phone a few times every day (normally) and we see each other a few times per week. We are both single parents and have busy kids - so we spend as much time together as we can.

One thing I have noticed that is kind of annoying is the amount of phone calls when I am away - out of town. For example, when I was on vacation with my kids and he was at home with his kids - he called me multiple times a day. If I didn't answer he called me back until I did. He was bored and missed me so he called a lot (at times every 2 hours) - I tried to answer his calls most of the time but there were times that I just couldn't. I didn't want him to worry about me and stress about not being able to get a hold of me.

So....flip this around. He is now on vacation with his kids. I'm home with my kids. I miss him, but I'm at work all day so I don't have time to call multiple times. But I do call him - and he doesn't answer. (okay, cool...he is busy on his vacation)....but, why can't he consider that I miss him and just want to say hello. I called him 8 hours ago and still haven't heard back from him. I'm sure he will call me later, but....it's annoying.

So am I being stupid? Is he being selfish? Am I expecting too much? I never say anything to him or get upset with him when this happens ~ but maybe I should.

As I am writing this out I have realized that the week his kids were gone on vacation with their mother he called them all the time too. I wonder if it's some sort of protection thing with him? He needs to have all his "people" in the spots they are supposed to be in - my home, his kids home, etc. When we are out in the world we aren't safe. BUT if he is out there with that person he can protect them. Hmmmm. He does have PTSD from combat.

Any ideas? AND any ideas on how to handle this? (just suck it up and know that is how it is....)

I probably shouldn't even be complaining about this minor annoyance - he is a great boyfriend and I do love him a lot.

Sisu

 

[Deleted member 14228]

Not trying to be rude in the least.

But...

honestly this is such a non-issue. I don't think it really relates to the PTSD.

He's a great guy and you're annoyed that it takes him 8 hours to call you back when he's on vacation. Most of us, ptsd'd or not, would love to have only this problem.

 

[sisu]

He is a great guy and YES this is PTSD related - he has combat PTSD and feels the need to keep everyone he loves safe. When we are away from him he worries....

Which is also why I stated that in my last sentence ~ I do GET that this is a minor issue. And my annoyance obviously wasn't communicated properly in my post - I'm sorry for that.

I just want to be able to go away with my kids and enjoy the quality time with them without having him check in on me non-stop. If I don't answer his calls or am unable to answer at that moment, he will continue to call until he gets a hold of me. On the other end of the phone he is worrying about whether or not I am okay when he can't reach me. I tried to compare his vacation with his kids where he doesn't call me non-stop because he IS enjoying quality time with his kids. I am not annoyed that he doesn't call me back right away - I was just trying to explain that I don't get the same luxury on my vacations. I called him, left a message and he returned my call when he was able. No big deal. I did not call him nonstop until I got a hold of him.

So...to try this again....How do I get him to relax and know that I am okay when I am away from him? Or can I with his combat PTSD? I want to talk to him when I am away - just not non-stop. I want to be able to enjoy my vacation and have quality time with my kids without causing him stress and worry.

 

[sisu]

And Luminosity - not trying to be rude in the least, but you have PTSD and this thread is the supporters section. If you don't have constructive advice for me, please don't post on my threads. As a supporter who tries so very hard to be supportive and tries so very hard to learn all that I can for the man I love, why is it when I feel something in my heart it should be dubbed a "non-issue". Lots of "non-issues" can turn into major issues if they are not handled or discussed. I am allowed to be happy and comfortable in my relationship, even though my man has combat PTSD. And he is allowed to be happy and comfortable too.