Physical Numbness?...

[Maggiemay]

I suffer with a lot of somatisiation as a result of my CPTSD, including non-epileptic seizures, blackouts, sinus tachycardia, acid reflux, myoclonic jerks, among others. But, what I find hard is the physical numbness I experience.

I've read a lot about numbness in terms of emotional numbing, but my body will literally go numb. I'm lying in bed as we speak as the lower half of my body has 'gone to sleep' and I can no longer feel it. In these moments it gets very cold to touch, when I check out it is in fact still there... urgh! It doesn't just happen when lying down, it also can when I'm walking which freaks me out as I can't feel my feet coming into the ground - one of these days I'll break a bone or something...

I don't know what's causing it, whether it be some physical ailment (eg MS which runs in the family), a reaction to past abuse & sort of body memory, or depersonalisation which I suffer from.

Am I alone with this? Or do others struggle too? I just want some answers...

 

[safenow]

Hi Maggiemay,

I too have that type of problem. However, I"ve had the diagnoses of MS for several years. In fact, over a couple of decades. sigh. Recently it got even worse, as I have many allergies which flared up due to people tossing chemicals into our trash dumpster area where I live.

The only thing I can suggest is trying to cut down on as much stress as you can. I know, that is not easy. But once you eliminate high levels of stress those symptoms will go away. I found that acceptance of various things we have no control over eliminates most of my stress.

Good luck,

safenow.

 

[Maggiemay]

*big huggles *

Thanks for responding safenow ;)

I know what you mean about stress. Things should be better right now as I have a week off work, but no... *sigh * Although I've got myself into a state over my failed attempt at EMDR yesterday...

If it was something like MS it would make sense of not only the numbness, but the twitching, the dizziness & also my shakiness at the most random moments. But I know when I see my GP he'll just say it's all psychosomatic.

I got the myoclonus checked out 6years ago, to make sure it wasn't epilepsy. Nothing came up on the EEG or MRI, although the EMG picked it up as being localised.

I just hate it all... I wish my body reacted normally..

 

[safenow]

Have you ever been kissed by a butterfly? They flutter their wings against your bare skin. It is their way of showing you they care. If that doesn't scare you, I'm sending you a butterfly kiss right now.

I wish my body reacted normally as well. The only problem you will find, is that it is acting normal for you. Sigh. Just as mine acts normal for me, which is different than it is for other people.

Can you imagine how horrible it would have been to be born with strong abnormalities? Especially when we have no one who cared enough to care for us growing up? I might be different than most people, but at least I care. You know what I mean?

I'm glad to hear that you don't have epilepsy. I have a couple of dear friends who have that, and bless their hearts. One has maybe 100 seizures a day. Can you imagine those type of struggles daily? It really puts my struggles into prospective.

safenow

 

[Maggiemay]

Ahhh... Thanks :)

A butterfly kiss is a lovely concept! ;) As long as it lands somewhere I can see it and not on bare skin all will be fine (stupid fear of touch! ).

This sure is 'normal' for me, but since peeling back the layers of my numerous traumas a year ago my body hasn't settled and reacts acutely to stress and anxiety.

*huggles * Yeah, I think I get what you mean. :) I'm moving into teaching in special education in Sept - very lucky compared to the kiddies there.

My little sister has epilepsy. She used to fit a lot as a child - it was very scary to witness. She's now an adult and symptom free, but currently pregnant so there's a possibility it could return. Wow! 100 fits a day! I sure couldn't cope with that! I haven't had a seizure in a while, thank goodness! But myoclonus is almost constant.

But at least I am still aware of my surroundings and can still function ;)

Xxx

 

[circe47]

I have been diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy too. So far, docs aren't sure of the cause. Sugars test fine as well as all other body systems. I think my neuropathy is due to the mild spinal injuries suffered from violence and a major car crash in '02 that resulted in severe whiplash and herniated cervical disc. If you have had any type of violent assault that cause a whiplash type of injury (like being forcefully shoved), could be the problem now.

 

[Maggiemay]

Thanks for the heads up. I've only ever had mild whiplash though, and that was after this 1st started so sadly not the cause... I just want to know, in black and white what it is. I shouldn't have to put up with it but I don't have much choice as no one will take it seriously...

 

[circe47]

Could be lots of things. I am sorry to hear that they aren't taking you seriously. Mine don't seem to be either. Half of what I tell them goes into their notes, and the other half is misconstrued and makes me look like a hypochondriac or engaging in drug seeking behavior. I love it when they put in notes that I am "very dramatic" and "moan and groan with every movement"- and then the labs, x-rays and other tests come back positive for arthritis, neuropathy, and anemia. Seriously? When someone has had spinal injury for the last ten years it is going to produce pain. No doctor's seem to get this, and refuse to treat me properly as if I am a drug addict when I come into their office and have been articulate, educated in my research, and know exactly what is going on in my body and mind.

I think most docs are retarded these days. I hate to offend anyone, but most don't know their butts from a hole in the ground. I even get doctors who actually TELL ME that I DON'T have certain symptoms- as if they have the supernatural ability to crawl inside of my mind and body to know exactly what I think and feel. I think the world is crazy- when I'm supposed to be the crazy one.

 

[Maggiemay]

*hugs *

Sorry you've had such rubbish care. I too am anemic, and iron tablets make me ill - Grrrrrrr! I've asked GP several times for neurology referral, even T says I need one as she feels my issues aren't solely psychological, but to no avail.. I'm going to mention it all when I next see him & see what he does, probably nothing...

 

[circe47]

I guess this is just where the standard of care is headed. It is funny that a doctor will make a patient wait an hour to be seen- yet will charge you if you miss your appointment or are later than 10 minutes. Rather presumptuous in my opinion. I don't care it they earn $300 an hour, their time is no more valuable than mine is to me. Used to be that if you complained about having to wait, the doctor made sure you didn't have to wait in the future. I used to work for a doctor.....so I know of what I speak. Now, they don't give a rat's butt about the patient or anything else other than the bottom line....the dollar.

I resent being treated like a druggie. I used to earn a huge salary with all the bennies and now have been reduced to disability and low standard of care. If I was properly insured or paying cash, I am sure I'd get the royal treatment. I have had doctors look down their nose at me as if I have always been on the dole. There could be nothing further than the truth. I have worked since before I even left high school and paid into the system my whole life until a few years ago.

Now I live with pain because doctors don't want to give me adequate meds for my pain conditions because of my anxiety meds for PTSD. I understand their rationale, but it doesn't help me with pain. However, I am almost fifty years old and this isn't my first parade. I have taken these types of meds before for injuries and am perfectly capable of handling myself while on them.

Ten years ago my treating provider for my whiplash gave me 90 xanax, 90 somas, and 180 lortabs a month. That is insane- but okay. I am still here- so I guess I am able to handle myself on meds. Never once had a problem with work, social, or family life other than I was living with an abusive jerk. In fact, during those years is when my career and income rose exponentially. Dysfunctional.....probably. Appropriate to survival....definitely.

Good luck with your docs...Maggie. I hope things get better, but sadly, I have been told they are only going to get worse. At least, here in the states anyway.

 

[Maggiemay]

*huggles *

It's shocking how health professionals are so judgmental. I've got a diagnosis of BPD alongside CPTSD. The treatment I've received because of this label is horrific. I'm an attention seeker, manipulative etc etc.

 

[circe47]

Ha.....Borderline gets danced around in my case as well. I am not very happy when I hear this Dx applied to me. I usually end up never going back. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I guess because of the attention seeking, manipulative, fear of abandonment aspects and subsequent stigma.

It is true that I need a certain amount of attention- but only in regards that I HATE being interrupted when speaking and tend to behave negatively when this happens, i.e. drawing all eyes on me as I explode in anger. This is a very noticeable "disrespect" that happens to me constantly by it seems like everyone I have conversation with. Because I'm smarter and more empathic than most in my life have given me credit for- I am extremely sensitive about being taken seriously and getting the respect for what I have to say. Other than being interrupted or being thought of as stupid or uninformed- I pretty much keep to myself and DON'T want any extra attention or have to be a social butterfly who can't do anything by myself.

I have NOT gone to extremes for fear of abandonment. On the contrary- I have always been the one to walk away from relationships. I claim unfailing loyalty and my optimistic nature for positive change for staying far too long in relationships being abused.

I don't think I'm particularly manipulative. I am pretty straightforward about when I am angry, sad, mad, glad or otherwise. I don't pretend feelings or behave in ways designed to cause a reaction in another. If someone does something to piss me off- like interrupt me- I jump on their azz for doing so. I don't go around crying about not getting my needs met, or indulge in self-pitying behavior so that others will feel bad for me and ask me "ooohhh...poor thing.....what's wrong?" On the other hand, I will not allow others to minimize my experiences and let them know in no uncertain terms if I am feeling invalidated by their comments or actions. I have experienced chronic violence, plain and simple. You can either relate- or not. If you don't- please don't tell me what I should be doing/thinking/feeling to "get over it" at YOUR pace because it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. If others get upset or feel guilty about my straight forwardness- then they should feel that way for being disrespectful.

I personally think that at least in my world, I am one of the very few who is thinking properly. I am generous and care about others. I feel sad when others are suffering- and happy when things are going good. I don't lie, cheat, steal or gossip about others behind their backs. I don't hit, slap, or disrespect children or animals- or anybody else for that matter. I don't interrupt when others are speaking. I always try to be helpful when someone else is in need and I have the resources to help. I am not pretentious or materialistic. I love animals and nature- and cry when I see something poignant or bitter sweet. I always try to put myself into another's shoes and understand their perspective. If this isn't a healthy personality- then I am truly insane........I guess.

Sorry, I just don't see BPD when it comes to myself. Dissociative personality? Definitely possible.