Playing Out Sex With Plushies

[Deleted member 28403]

Well, now, this came to my mind, and it's a, at least, very wierd thing to say.

You know how often times, when reading anything about sexual abuse, as it's often steretyped that only girls get abused, that they will often play out sex scenes with dolls or something...

Well, that is sort of third person. It's dolls doing stuff to dolls.

I was sexually abused for a year and a half, at age 6-7. I remember (though I am not sure when) playing out some of the things that were done with my sisters plushie polar bear (it's a really awkward thing to say... wouldn't want her to know that). I mean, it was sorta antophomorphic, it had the cartoony bear posture, where it basically has the posture of a human, and was something like two or three quarters of my size.

I just realized that the things I were doing were in a way that. Though not from third person dolls doing stuff to dolls, but instead, first person, lets say, interaction between me and bear... Mainly with me acting and repeating actions of him on the bear (yeeesh... that isn't a pleasant thought).

Anyone else with similar experiences?

 

[Stickler]

I recently recalled taking a ballpoint pen and giving one of my barbies anatomical correctness with it...pretty violently.
Mind you, I also tore my Barbies' clothes off and ripped their legs off.

Kids do this stuff, trying to get out feelings and make sense of what happened.

 

[claire east]

Well, now, this came to my mind, and it's a, at least, very wierd thing to say.

You know how often time...

I think it would be quiet normal to interact with a play mate shall we say I did go throu a stage like that during my abuse but I also did things to myself I'm ashamed of but I thoult it was normal

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Stickler
I feel sort of, like, not sure what to call it... About it. Uhh, there was plenty of wierd shit that I did because of what happened.

@claire east
I did some wierd things...

 

[7Cs]

I have no memory of sexual abuse but have been told that there was preverbal.
That said, I had overly sexualized behavior at a relatively young age similar to yours. They do bring me shame and I've never told anyone about them other than the time when I was about 8 or 9 and I tried to "seduce" a boy my age (I'm female) and again a slightly younger girl when I was about 13. I've read this can be normal for that age though. I know the other stuff is not at all normal though and I think it is a "symptom" of what I don't remember. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk about those other things like you can.

When my daughter was little I thought she was being sexually abused and I had nightmares about it. I even took her to the doctors once. She was fine.

My son is still little and several years ago I went through the same thing where I was certain things were happening to him. I think somehow from my experience with dd I knew it was my overactive "imagination" but it was such a struggle, I wanted to call child protective services.

 

[Sideways]

When I think about how hard it is to understand, process and communicate what happened, as an adult, with all the knowledge and vocabulary I have, it makes it a lot easier to cut myself a break for the weird weird stuff I put my poor dolls through as a kid...if that helps:)

 

[claire east]

I don't have any worries where my kids are concerned and I know at that age kids experiment but not like I did I wish I never got I'll then I wouldn't have to deal with this

 

[Stickler]

There was plenty of weird shit that I did too...even though I repressed the sexual abuse memories, I was one very disturbed child.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I have memory of what happened to me, and unfotrunately still come across him a couple times a year randomly... @7Cs
I had this stage where I was looking for people older than me for sex, at like, age 13... It was a really wierd stage that I don't like to look back at. The shit that nearly happened, and the shit that did happen... Well, at least it wasn't a long period, just a couple months, and I didn't end up with any STDs

 

[Sideways]

Dolls are one thing, but with other people, it starts getting really awkward. Putting aside the secondary nocturnal enuresis (go ahead and google it if you want, it's embarrassing as hell!), when I was 6, I went through a period where I was trying to get the boys to dry-hump me at school. I know I was 6, and it makes sense, and my T will tell me that's normal, but it's still a source of shame.

And if I'm honest, it's painful because the poor-me part of my brain can't help thinking, "why didn't one of the teachers notice that, and start asking questions?"

There are so many levels that the damage permeates in our brain. I've gotta just keep reminding myself that I was a traumatised child, and I was coping the best way I knew how. And as weird as it was, I'm still around, so actually, that 6 year old kid did pretty good.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Oh, nocturnal enurses is a thing I had as well, but I barely remember now...
A good bit of stuff for me was dealt with by alters...

 

[Sideways]

Man-handling plushies & creating alters - the child's brain is incredibly resourceful at dealing with trauma. Although, my youngest alter is still living in exile. She tries to get a look in at times, but the junk I picked up when I was 12, when I didn't have dolls anymore, is all I can handle. Don't think I'll ever be ready to let the toddler in. Respect to those who are recovering from young childhood trauma, because it's too hard for me with everything else on top.

Can I ask, do you feel a little better about the plushies? I hope this has helped, because we beat ourselves up about so many things that aren't our fault, this stuff doesn't belong in the Self-Loathing Evidence file.