General Please help! he says he feels on the verge of nervous breakdown, what to do?

[Never_falter2]

Backstory: In the last weeks my vet disappeared for several times, by disappeared I do not really mean he really went away, but he went to his room to paint a picture (without telling a soul), disappeared for hours in the bathroom and was having a bath (which he did not tell anybody about and we were waiting for him). A few days later he complained about the children’s table manners and his own table manners are lousy. I discussed this with him. I told him I was really unhappy with this behaviour.

Then he told me he felt on the verge of nervous breakdown und was afraid that soon he would feel as bad as he did years ago and he felt suicidal years ago but never acted on it. He said he was really unhappy with the behaviour of the civvies in his workplace and that basically their behaviour brought them to the verge of nervous breakdown, because they want to discuss everything and he starts to be afraid of having to lead them because he feels he does not have the qualification. I am not sure why but that makes him feel like he is having a nervous breakdown soon and might hurt himself.

What to do? I do not have anybody to discuss this with. I wonder if I should tell his family or his therapist.

He never really had a real nervous breakdown, just a mini nervous breakdown (like trembling). What can I do?

This morning he acted normal, cheerful even, he kissed me and the kids and waved us goodbye.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I wonder if I should tell his family or his therapist

NO! He told you something in confidence. Now keep it confident. Encourage him to tell his therspist himself but don't go behind his back and offer any info he tells you to anyone else. That's just gonna killl all trust he has in you. If he's actively sucidal or even if he's not make it clear to him that if he becomes actively suicidal you'll call 911. Warn him of that first. But otherwise, keep what he says you to yourself.

Also, give him the space he's seeking. If you do that I'm positive he'll step off the ledge of "nervous breakdown". It sounds like his stress cup is overfilling a lot and he's seeking some quiet alone to time to relieve that.

 

[Gs172003]

What @lostforgottensoul said.

 

[ILoveLife]

I agree with the above posters and will like to add that he's not running away, he's practicing self care. And self care is awesome and crucial in times of stress.

 

[Sweetleaf]

NO! He told you something in confidence. Now keep it confident. Encourage him to tell his therspist himself but don't go behind his back and offer any info he tells you to anyone else. That's just gonna killl all trust he has in you.

This. Biiig time.

Also like everything everyone above said.

 

[Dergrosse]

Until you become concerned that he is a danger to himself or someone else you should keep it to yourself. Be happy he shared that with you, if you break trust now you could lose it, potentially forever.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep... give him a little space. There really isn't much else you can do. I wouldn't be too critical of his behavior right now either, unless he is being over the top rude.

 

[Suzetig]

but he went to his room to paint a picture (without telling a soul), disappeared for hours in the bathroom and was having a bath (which he did not tell anybody about and we were waiting for him).

I honestly don’t see why this is an issue tbh - I accept that it’s an issue for you but wanting some time and space in my own home feels perfectly reasonable. If folk were waiting for him while he was in the bath, did he know that and did they look for him so he knew? He sounds like he’s really struggling and you sound a bit impatient with him.

I’d echo others who are saying give him room. I’m assuming he’s the one with PTSD - which will absolutely make him need more space and support than usual.

 

[Justmehere]

You are very focused on working out what’s going on with him. He’s got PTSD. Feeling on the edge of a nervous breakdown is kind of how I existed every day as a PTSD sufferer for a few years. I still end up there sometimes.

He’s in therapy and that’s great. If he is expressing that he is worried he will harm himself, then you could gently encourage him to talk to his therapist about what will help him be safe. But don’t nag or push. If you are concerned he is an immediate imminent danger to himself, that he is at real risk to hurt himself RIGHT NOW, call a crisis line and share with them your concerns and they can talk you through what to do. Don’t contact his family. Don’t contact to his therapist unless he gives you permission and is really ok with it.

Otherwise, give him some space... and then focus on you and your own stress levels. You seem quite irritated with him. What are you doing to take good self care for you? What do you do to unwind?

 

[Fadeaway]

I just want to add to all the great advice here, that you don't schedule any appointments or obligations for him. Try not to put your self in a situation where you are waiting on him to go somewhere.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yes... if I was waiting on my vet when he was shut up somewhere decompressing I'd be waiting until the cows came home. Him knowing I was downstairs waiting would make him hole up longer because he'd be stressed he had an obligation or expectation.

 

[LuckiLee]

Get him to his therapist.

I think the majority of my guys' stress comes from working with civilians. He's military. Efficient. Punctual. Follows all the rules. Etc.
Civilians. Not so much.

Keep his issues to yourself and get him to his T!!