Sufferer Pleased To Meet You

[CDKLaw]

Hello new friends,
I suffer from CPTSD. I have been in therapy for four years and my behaviour has much improved. Unfortunately, my anxiety and terror is increasing as life goes on. I have recently become a professional actor and have had to leave one of my first jobs due to symptoms. I love being another character, feeling free as I perform but I am starting to see how difficult the other components around acting are for me - living with other actors, being around people I dislike, noise, being trapped to name but a few. I also recently got married and I am very unhappy in my relationship. My wife is a doctor but does not know much about my condition and can be psychologically abusive. I feel terrible. I can't work properly. I can't stay at home comfortably. I can't leave. I even feel like my therapy is not helping as I am not attending much due to cost. My nightmares are still terrible.
Apart from that, I am a pretty joyful and bouyant individual. I love learning and playing. Nice to meet you all.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum, glad you found us :). Sorry to hear you don't feel supported. But that has now changed. You have it here. First I would say, read the stress cup explanation and maybe get your wife to read it also. The more your wife knows and understands what your experiencing, the easier it will be for both of you. I hope you look around both parts of the forum, suffers and supporters. You can learn a lot from both sides. Sending :hug:'s if you except.

 

[hodge]

Welcome, @CDKLaw. Lots of us here are pretty good at listening and giving support. Glad you found us.

 

[CDKLaw]

Thank you very much for the warm welcome.

 

[eowynofrohan]

Hello and welcome!
I am applying to costume design school at the moment, so I understand how stressful the theatre environment can be. On top of CPTSD and your relationship, I am sure it is quite hard.
I hope you find support here!

 

[CDKLaw]

That is great. Good luck with the application. Ironically, I don't like being around many people because they affect my mood unless I am performing to people. I only like kind, gentle, cerebral people and they can be few and far between in actors. There is so much nastiness and petty jealousy. I find it intolerable. But I need to find a way to cope as I love acting and I need the money. Indeed, I need to prove that I am not weak but I am terrified. I am supposed to go back to work soon. Then I've got another job to go away for. It will be 6 weeks away from home living with actors and I don't know what to do.

 

[Powder]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sure if you keep coming back here regularly and being vulnerable and open, and getting some good feedback, like I did, you'll be soon feeling so much more confident you can handle your PTSD.

As in life, so the forum. If anyone is abusive, you can Mute them on their profile and not have to see them here. This is a safe place for you, and everyone, thanks to the truly brilliant staff that do a great job monitoring the forum for us.

There are some great articles here, too. You might find them helpful. As is the Relationships part of the forum.
Reading other's posts has shown me what is my PTSD and what is really real because I have seen patterns that repeat for all of us, and I know now when it's my "PTSD" taking over, as well as steps I can take to get through that and back to living.

So you have at least this. If your wife begins criticizing you, know that you can say that you will not hear it, and you can go elsewhere and log in here and find out all sorts of good advice and support.

 

[CDKLaw]

Thank you very much, Muse. It does make me feel a little less alone that I have found this site. I appreciate your words

 

[heyheyhey]

Hi CDKLaw, welcome to the forum :)! I hope you find lots of support and kindness here. Everyone is so wise and caring :).

I would like to suggest maybe looking into somatic experiencing, it's a therapy that works on regulating the nervous system. I haven't had much luck finding someone near me in the UK, but I have been seeing someone via Skype who specialises in PTSD, it has been very helpful for me. I have only had two sessions, but they have been very impressive and I think to even feel a shift from just two sessions is awesome...counselling hasn't really done much for me, apart from been a wonderful support and given me some hope and some good mirroring - but I wouldn't say i have seen any big shifts towards healing. I really recommend looking into it.

Acting sounds awesome! Glad you have that :), hope you can keep it up or at least go back to it when you are feeling slightly better ^_^!

 

[CDKLaw]

Thank you hey, hey, hey. My therapist has suggested some kind of a trauma therapy but we haven't been seeing each other too regularly so I plan to start next year. I don't like the sound of it though. It's sounds scary but life at the moment feels that way too

 

[heyheyhey]

I know the feeling!! I get scared about trying new treatments, but want to say - make sure it feels 'right', feeling a bit nervous or apprehensive can be normal but if you really feel adverse to it, don't feel like you have to do it. I researched a few things myself, after deciding I didn't want to go one route and having a slightly bad reaction to another kind of trauma therapy...I think we all have to trust what feels right and comfortable to us but not be scared out of doing anything at the same time!

Sorry, hope this isn't patronising in anyway :)!!

Also just wanted to say that I was in a similar place a month or so ago, and it does get better :) and I really hope you feel better soon. Best wishes!

 

[CDKLaw]

Not patronising at all! Thank you for your kind words and advice. I appreciate it very much. It's so nice to finally speak to people who understand.