Dom Violence Poisonous Marriage

[aut555]

Great, this sounds like a step forward, and this will help you in the long run. Then you can start working on plan A and B should you need it. This will help you also. If you could get out and get involved in something but l know that is hard having lived in that weather. Haha. But maybe go sauna, that is relaxing and good for your body. Sending you support.

 

[DeeDee000]

Great, this sounds like a step forward, and this will help you in the long run. Then you can start worki...

Thanks for supporting.

 

[aut555]

Thanks for supporting.

No problem, l am glad to support. Left 18 year abusive marriage as a older female. It can be tough. Grab all the support you can. I lived in Vantaa as exchange student in Finland. Beautiful country when l was there.

 

[DeeDee000]

No problem, l am glad to support. Left 18 year abusive marriage as a older female. It can be tough. Grab...

It is a beautiful country indeed and quiet. Very hard to make friends. People are so self centered.

 

[aut555]

If you do make a Finnish friend, some are very nice. I learned piano and French at a high school. The school let me talk to classrooms of high students completely on my own with no censorship. At that time, there was little to no crime. I am guessing it has changed.

 

[DeeDee000]

If you do make a Finnish friend, some are very nice. I learned piano and French at a high school. The sc...

Some people are nice , kind and calm. My only Finnish friend here is my mother-in-law. She doesn't know English so I text with her in Finnish. Can be challenging sometimes but Google translate is saving me every time even it's not the best translation, my morher-in-law understands.

 

[aut555]

Met my soon to be ex (final divorce stage right now) in Hawaii. Lived there for sometime. Was married 18 years. You have a tough choice coming up. But it sounds like no children? Which is a little bit easier if you don't stay. Anyways, l am at this site alot as l am waiting to finish divorce. He has dragged this out a year and half (about $).

 

[DeeDee000]

Met my soon to be ex (final divorce stage right now) in Hawaii. Lived there for sometime. Was married 18...

I just turned 30. I don't have children, and probably won't have.
It must not be easy to divorce after so long marriage. I believe earthly life it's a continuous challenge for our self development and growth, I guess it's making us stronger.

 

[Friday]

I just wanna scream and hide in a hole. I'm blaming myself for being so weak and accepting this situation just because I don't know how to be independent.

Independence is a learned thing. Not something we're born knowing how to do.

Not knowing how to be independent? Is something you can change.

Can you make a list of the things you would need to do to be on your own, and mark the ones you don't know how to do, or are very bad at? (Everyone is bad at something!). Then you have goals you can work toward :D In either learning how to do them, or finding ways to have help doing them, or in hiring someone else to do them for you! (Myself, I almost always have an accountant, because I'm bad at paying bills. Other people hire mechanics. Or house cleaners. Or premade food they just have to heat up. There are classes one can take to learn things, but other things, no matter how well we know how to do them, it saves time and money to have someone else do them for us.)

 

[aut555]

Not so bad, you are still young. I am 50 plus ish. Lol. When l went just into marriage, l didn't have that much going on. Just work everyday. So we married, and l have a daughter who is in college. Due to the bad ,bad, bad abuse, l may have passed on this relationship. Now l have been in a horrible divorce. I could have passed on this life experience, except to tell you, your path may not get easier. Are you contemplating divorce or just trying to get through?

 

[DeeDee000]

Not so bad, you are still young. I am 50 plus ish. Lol. When l went just into marriage, l didn't have t...

Until not so long ago I was in denying phase. Then it was the shocking waking up. Now I am trying to get used with the idea that things won't change much in the future and I am seriously starting to think about my life in a new way. I have always felt that I still live in a child like world. It's the only place I can go with my mind and be happy. I know I should be more mature, but my inner child is always present and dreaming of a world free of pain and full of love.

 

[aut555]

I understand that. We come to marriage with open hearts, and it is quite shocking to deal with the raw reality of what you really have. To be innocent and accepting isn't bad, it just doesn't serve you as well as being realistic and dealing with what you must work through. I was childlike in my belief system, but l now think differently. Thinking about your life in a new way is encouraging, and tells me you are accepting responsibility for your choices. I had to accept that l placed myself into this abuse and l now must climb out of the pile of manure that l stepped in. Basically accepting responsibility. When l finally did this, l was able to move forward and let go of the horrible amount of anger l had towards this individual. By the way, Finnish is extremely difficult to learn, l ended up studying French there.