Police Just Brought Sister To My Door.

[Loveneverfails]

Every single member of my sister's family(all of her children, her ex mother in law, ex brother in law, ex and so on) as well as my mom have witnessed what appears to be a violent, paranoid, delusional state in my sister. Well she reported her ex for rape today and the police brought her to my door in the middle of the night after I had repeatedly told her no to coming and living with me because I have two small children with special needs. The policeman literally glared at me when I told her she couldn't be there, I had to do a doubletake just to be sure that was what he was doing.

But now my sister in this state of mind, knows where I live(something I'd thought I'd managed for 3 years to keep from her). I'm terrified me and my kids are going to now be subjected to what my other sister did, knocking on the door all hours to ask for cigarettes, food and a place to sleep. I'm so confused as to why they would show her where I live. Why if she was as far gone as my mother said, she was able to convince anyone to take her here. I don't feel safe and I don't know what to do. I know she'll be back and I've already said no four times now. I can't deal with her and my children, I barely have enough to care for my children. I've given her thousands of dollars and paid hundreds of dollars worth of bills over the years already. I tried to help her at least half a dozen times to leave that bastard in the first place. I am triggered right now, I can see that, but why in heaven's name would the police bring her HERE? Where me and my children sleep?

 

[Pencil]

I really feel for you. This is so typical of dysfunctional families - the lack of boundaries, the sense of entitlement, the guilt trips, the running around your own head to justify yourself to yourself even when you know you don't have to justify yourself to anybody, the sheer lunacy. I wish I had something sensible to say, but I don't. I had to cut all ties with my family to end the 'illegal immigrant' problem.

 

[Loveneverfails]

It just kills me that I have to keep saying no. I'm so sick of dealing with this. Thing is I DID cut ties. I washed my hands of the entire mess and they keep trying to involve me anyway. And knowing that her 13 year old daughter said she was threatening to hurt herself and others, her knowing where I live makes me feel very unsafe. I don't know what to believe with her anymore because her story keeps changing. She says she's safe one minute and he isn't hurting her or keeping her there, then he is, and now he's raped her apparently but no one knows what she'll say tomorrow.

I feel horrible for not believing her, I always want to believe anyone who claims they've been raped. As a survivor of rape, believing is my first instinct. But I've witnessed first hand her inconsistent claims so I'm just not sure anymore. And to be glared at by the cop, it makes me physically ill to be dealing with all this. I filed a complaint with the police department. It is my feeling that at the very least, I should have been contacted first before someone brought her to my door at 2am expecting me to take her in. And even looking at her, I could see something wasn't right.

She asked me why no one in the family would help her and the thing is, WE ALL HAVE. I've called the cops on her behalf when she claimed he was keeping her there within the last 2 months alone. She told the cops she was fine and sent them off. Her mother in law has let her live in her house rent free and is currently raising her kids because she's in no condition to do it but she called and reported her for kidnapping even though this same woman was given power of attorney over the children and she agreed to it. Obviously she is in dire need of medical attention but they won't give it because she insists she's fine. I'm frightened for her and now I'm frightened for myself and my own children.

 

[Pencil]

There's clearly a lot wrong there. You have to remember that you didn't cause it, you are not responsible for it, and NO MATTER WHAT you do and in what quantity, it will make ZERO difference.

All you can do, and should do is to keep that kind of madness away from your children. I'm sending you ninja vibes.

 

[Loveneverfails]

All you can do, and should do is to keep that kind of madness away from your children

Thank you so much. I needed to 'hear' that really badly.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Loveneverfails,

You are right to protect yourself and your children from the exposure to someone who is unstable. I don't know if she has done anything threatening enough to allow you to get a Protective Order, but having this would give you some protection against the police dropping her off or some legal recourse if she does show up again.

I am sorry you are in this position as it has to be immensely stressful

Debbie

 

[Abstract]

Lovenerfails,

You feel your children will be put in jeopardy and that has to be your first priority. I think if what you fear starts becoming a reality then a restraining order may be the way forward. I know that sounds awful but from what you are saying you have felt threatened enough to keep your wherabouts from her.

I don't think its acceptable that the police broke your privacy like this but I imagine they had no idea if the situation and I am sure she never told them she did not know where you lived. If she did and they took her there regardless then that is concerning.

She may have been raped or may not but maybe you can separate that from the problem you are faced with - protecting your children and yourself. Sometimes people need professional help and there is nothing we can do to change that.

If you do do a restraining order maybe you could write her a letter wishing her well and encouraging her to get professional support.

If she refuses to see or accept that people have tried to help her in the past then there is nothing anyone can do to change her mind.

 

[WillThereBeCake]

Loveneverfails, my jaw dropped when I read this. I can't believe the police did that. She obviously fed them a story that you would want her there and then just pulled a confusion act why she didn't know where you lived. In any case, you have to protect yourself and your children. Get a protection order if you can. Even if you can't, you are under no obligation (legally or emotionally) to answer the door. If she shows up, call the police and report that someone is trying to get into your home. Don't let embarrassment (worried what the neighbors will think) or some sort of guilt cause you to open that door, EVER! Use any and all legal protections available in your area.

I had a similar, but no where near as bad, trigger this week when I received a letter from my mother telling me she wanted to come see me. Now, I cut ties with the whole bunch a decade ago and she doesn't have any phone numbers or emails, etc. for me. I'm sure my address is on the internet somewhere, but I think she just sent that letter to say, "Ha ha, I found you." I was really, really upset, but then I did my grounding exercise and thought about it.

The worst that could happen is that she were to show up at my house. Let her. She pulled a similar stunt to your sis a few years ago when she called my local police department (she lives half way across the country) and told them I'd been kidnapped and was being held hostage in my own home by Al Queda???? I'm thankful she went so over the top, because they knew that was pretty far fetched and just called me to see if there was anything wrong with me. I then briefed them on the whole situation and they have put notes in the file attached to our address that if an emergency is reported by anyone other than us, calling from our home or cell phone numbers (those are on file) to take it with a grain of salt and not to come out here with guns a blazing.

An officer also came to my home, just so they could document that they had checked out my welfare, and he and I went over all the scenarios of what to do if she, or anyone, shows up that is uninvited and not wanted. I have a locked gate and the whole place is fenced, so if they show up, I am just to call and the police will tell them to leave. I am not to open the door or try to reason with these people. If they were to climb the fence, it would be a felony (in my state, not everywhere, so check) and I am also in a Stand Tall state, so I could literally blast the varmits if they physically try to come near me.

I am not hoping it comes to that, but I had to remind myself that I have the right to protect myself and no one can just say they can terrorize me because they are biologically related, or for any reason. I will repeat to not let embarrassment deter you from getting help. I hear so many people say that they didn't want their neighbors or the cops to think they were on some Jerry Springer type show, so they gave in and tried to reason with the person violating their boundaries. This doesn't work, and they will only continue and escalate the actions that worked that time.

And yes, for the few that I've shared other threads with, you've probably figured out that I haven't just spent the last decade avoiding one rapist stalker, but also a whole family tree of them. I also have to add, for those that haven't exchanged with me, that I am not a gun-toting, violent person. I am a gun-toting survivor who will continue to survive.

 

[Pencil]

Al Queda????

This is priceless!! :roflmao:

 

[WillThereBeCake]

I know right? She had added that Al Queda was doing this all over the country and Obama was hiding that fact from the public. Keep in mind, this is the same woman who will swear to this day that the 9/11 attackers were after her personally, because when you want to get at an old, crazy woman in the Midwest, you always head for the East Coast.

LNF, I am not trying to hijack your thread, but do read my story and realize how far these people will go. It's not because they want to love you, it is because it is all about them and you are their target to terrorize. You are doing the right thing for your children. If things get a little crazy, and they see some crazy drama, that is still better than teaching them to cower to bullies and manipulators. I don't know how old they are, but just explain that there are people that need help, that you can help, and those that you can't. Letting her into your home won't help her, and it is very dangerous to you and your kids.

I am really worried for you, but I hear the mama bear in your voice (writing) and I know you can do this.

 

[Pencil]

In what state was your sister when she pitched with the cops? Isn't is possible to get her admitted for observation?

 

[Loveneverfails]

I am really worried for you, but I hear the mama bear in your voice (writing) and I know you can do this.

Don't worry about hijacking, your story is relevant as it validates what I'm afraid will happen. She's already put my mother through quite a bit of hell when she wasn't suffering from her current state of mind. I won't let her in, the only reason I did open it was the cop. But I honestly didn't want to, I think if I hadn't been half asleep I would have asked to speak to him alone and explain the situation. But him being there at 2 am and cops being a trigger for me, all I could do was tell my sister no repeatedly and have them leave. I will do what I have to in order to protect my kids. I'm just very tired of the issues that keep coming up. The only reason my other 2 sisters have stopped this same behavior is because they're in prison. I'm to the point where I just want to scream at someone or anyone for the fact that my family is allowed to continually put me through hell with their toxic behavior.

Isn't is possible to get her admitted for observation?

She didn't fight or threaten the cops. She threatened to harm herself and her ex, her daughter told my mom and her ex told me so I called the cops. When they showed up her daughter lied to protect her and she 'lied' because I'm sure she either felt she needed to or didn't even remember it happened. Her ex didn't want to take the step to have her committed against her will so he refused and said he'd take care of her. The police told me there was nothing else they could do because she seemed rational and present when they spoke to her. But she only just seemed that way tonight. It was obvious she was barely holding on by a thread. But I guess until law enforcement witnesses her erratic behavior, they aren't legally able to do anything.