Relationship Pollyanna

[Sighs]

@Purplemunchkin - thanks for your kind words.

I'm still here. (On the forum and in the relationship.)

I got home, grabbed some stuff and went to leave. He followed me and we talked. It seems that despite the fact that I TOLD him in words of one syllable in the past that calling me by my mother's name infuriates me he did not understand the extent of it. (I don't talk much about my childhood - here or anywhere else - because I don't wish to disrespect people who suffered childhood abuse. An alcoholic father with untreated combat PTSD and a manipulative bi-polar mother who made it clear that my brother was her favourite child may not be abusive, but it sure isn't healthy either!.)

When I told him why I was just leaving rather than talking to him about it (ie: my original post here) he looked genuinely shocked. I don't think he has ANY recollection of saying those things. Sigh!

 

[anthony]

Seemed to be working well. We were getting along so much better. Til this morning.

Reading that, you seem to think that watching some videos and trying change will just happen overnight, in a week, a month even? This is something that will take a good year or more to change, with stability.

He pretty much deliberately said the one thing he knows is absolutely guaranteed to make me explode.

That is him, not you... and if he knows it's the one thing that makes you explode, you have to ask him why do it? If that is it, and the only thing, then it should simply be off limits. If you say that one thing extends to a whole bunch of things, then that is more likely you being sensitive, but based on what you have said, if that is the only thing he can say to make you explode, then you need to reinforce that it isn't funny, cannot be used in humour and it's off the table for joking or otherwise use.

Don't beat yourself up though for his failure... you don't own his problems.

 

[Sighs]

ou seem to think that watching some videos and trying change will just happen overnight, in a week, a month even?

I didn't expect things to change overnight - I felt more like - wow - we can't even manage to make the effort for a whole week.

I'm pretty sure its thoroughly re-inforced now. Apparently telling him in a calm way that it makes me very angry and asking him not to do it didn't get through to him. Yelling at him at the top of my voice with spit flying everywhere - which I've never done to him before and hope never to do again - seems to have got the message through.

 

[anthony]

Yelling at him at the top of my voice with spit flying everywhere

LOL... we males are daft at times, for sure. I guess we're not as serious as women are most of the time, and tend to kid about way more than women do... so when something upsets a woman, we don't "get it" without some brute force. :cautious::eek::shifty::banghead: (insert big boot)

 

[Sighs]

@anthony - have you read Damon Young's piece 'Men Just Don't Trust Women"? Small excerpt below:

But you know what I don't really trust? What I've never actually trusted with any women I've been with? Her feelings.

If she approaches me pissed about something, my first reaction is "What's wrong?"

My typical second reaction? Before she even gets the opportunity to tell me what's wrong? "She's probably overreacting."

My typical third reaction? After she expresses what's wrong? "Ok. I hear what you're saying, and I'll help. But whatever you're upset about probably really isn't that serious."

;)

 

[Neverthesame]

Have you thought about becoming a tightrope walker?

Haha. I think that's probably the best way I have ever heard that phrased.

 

[Sighs]

@Purplemunchkin - what do you think?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Nice ink!

 

[Purplemunchkin]

Excellent, and I love that font :tup:

 

[Deleted member 27524]

I can't wait to get my ink next week! Looks good! The font and that phrase go nicely I agree!