Post-op issue or CPT triggered body memories?

[FauxLiz]

I am laying here awake in the middle of the night because I am having these horrible stabbing pains and cramping in the vaginal and what would be uterine areas. Bad enough that they woke me up an hour and a half ago and my pain meds haven’t relieved the pain. Unfortunately, right before I went to sleep I was working on my current CPT assignment of writing out the detailed account of one of my many sexual assaults and even pre-op I had experienced painful body memories of this trauma but not like these. Since the surgery I had 5 days ago was in this area it makes sense that this could be post-op pain and if it is I do have one opioid pain med left that I could take but if it is just body memories I feel like I should tough it out. Maybe that is a stupid way to look at it but I don’t want to give in to my normal response of running from anything remotely close to bringing on an emotional response and pain meds will just numb those again.

I don’t want to call the doctor in the middle of the night because the only option will be the ER and Covid is not well controlled here and on a weekend night in this metro area it would be not a good place to go if I can avoid it.

 

[Friday]

and pain meds will just numb those again.

I don’t want to call the doctor in the middle of the night because the only option will be the ER

Nope.

Even if just a flashback, the pain med keeps you from having to go to an ER in the middle of the night, with out of control Covid.

Take your medicine. Call your doctor in the morning.

Unless, of course, you have any other symptoms (fever, chills, etc.) that’s on your post op list… in which case, call your doc now, or just go to the ER.

Either way? You’ll be takin pain meds. Either in the comfort of your home, or in the ER. It’s not a question of psych-management, right now. It may be, later, but right now it’s physical, and it’s practical, and it’s your health.

 

[FauxLiz]

Thanks @Friday I don’t want it to be either but it is something and yeah I gave in and took the med. tried heat, ice, the non-opioid pain meds for post op and nothing was helpful not even muscle relaxers. Should have known when it woke me up but was trying hard to do the mind over matter thing.

 

[Muttly]

How are you doing now?

 

[FauxLiz]

I am sitting in a room at the ER. I called my dr this morning and the on call dr called back. He asked a bunch of questions and though he doesn’t think it is anything much he wanted to be sure and told me to go to the ER because either way I needed something stronger than Tylenol and Motrin and since he has never seen me physically he could not legally prescribe me anything. He called ahead to the ER so I only sat in the waiting room for 90 minutes which is good in a metro area if you aren’t “emergent” and was seen by the dr here. I was given pain meds, and now am struggling to find someone that can pick me up since I can’t drive home if they release me and waiting for test results. They are concerned I have developed clots though I have been doing daily injections of anticoagulants. I have a family history of clots ( my mom died from a clot that went to her lung after a surgery) so I am a lot nervous on top of the fact that because of the spotting they needed to do a pelvic, fortunately because of the extensive amount of the surgery they could only do a manual exam but not only was it pain ful but it triggered the hell out of me and I hadn’t had any pain meds yet at that point.

 

[Muttly]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. And I've experienced the need for a ride and not having anyone. It's a hard and lonely feeling. I'd give you a ride if I lived near you. I hope you get some good answers.

 

[FauxLiz]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with that. And I've experienced the need for a ride and not having anyone. It's a hard and lonely feeling. I'd give you a ride if I lived near you. I hope you get some good answers.

@Muttly thank you, I appreciate the offer of a ride and the support. I appreciate the support from everyone here.

I am home, but I don't have any answers and I am leaning more towards all of this being body memories which honestly makes it worse at least for me. Today, has been an all around horrible day. I never did find a ride home, the ER started to get really busy and by the time they discharged me no one was paying attention, it had been 5 hours since they had administered the meds and I just walked out, it was the last thing of the whole event that went some what smoothly. The ER doctor called in pain meds to my pharmacy (only been using for 6 weeks and that is going to change) for me to pick up and when I got there, I was told they didn't have anything in the system. I went out to check the paperwork and make sure I was at the right pharmacy and I was, so I took the paperwork inside to ask them again. This time, I was told there was an issue with the script, they had called, spoken to the doctor and she had cancelled the script. I didn't know what was going on but I wanted to cry but I waited until I got outside. I had my cry, then called the ER, after I got through, and the ER admin figured out I wasn't a patient that she had already spoken too about a different prescription issue she took my information and phone number and told me that the charge nurse would call me back. I didn't want to go home because it was another 30 minutes away now that the college football games in the area were letting out and the freeways were stop and go, and 30 minutes back to the ER if I had to go back I decided I should grab some food as I hadn't eaten all day and it was now 4 pm.

I waited an hour, at that point I called back to the ER, this time the ER admin put me right on the the doctor who informed me that she never spoke to the pharmacy, that because it was a controlled me she couldn't fax it in and didn't know if they would take the order over the phone. She took my number and said she would call me back. Not 5 minutes later she called me back and told me that, no the script had not been cancelled, it had been "delayed" on the pharmacy's end, that they were making her rewrite the script by hand and I would have to come back to the ER to pick it up. She apologized profusely for the inconvenience and I felt sorry for her, I don't know what the heck was going on with the pharmacy but I will deal with that with their corporate offices on Monday. One thing I think was going on is they didn't want to fill the prescription. It wouldn't be the first time I have dealt with pharmacist that are on a power trip and decide that my doctors don't know what they are doing and decide they won't fill my prescriptions because they know better than the doctors what I should be taking. By the time I picked up the paper script it was too late to get it filled at that pharmacy as they were already closed for the day, which I think was their plan.

But wait, it gets better, I fortunately know the area and quickly called another pharmacy and bingo they were open for another 40 minutes and were less than a 10 min drive a way. So I head there hand them my scrip, insurance card, ID and am waiting while they begin the process of inputting everything in they system. Well, my insurance, the great insurance that was the reason I took the crappy supposed to be awesome job that I have says there is no such person as me in their system. I don't exist, funny, not funny. In the 3 1/2 months since I have had this insurance with a third party pharmacy provider I have had more issues getting prescriptions filled, extended delays on PA's for meds I have taken for years, issues getting meds for my son who goes to school out of state because they want him to fill his prescription at a local pharmacy only. I ended up having to pay the cash price for my meds just so I could get them before Monday.

Sorry this was so long and whiny, it has just been a crappy freaking day, I hurt, I feel like crap and I just wish they would have found something because then I wouldn't have to keep wondering if this has all been a result of my body reliving what my brain is reliving in my current trauma work.

 

[mylunareclipse]

Sorry you are having such a hard time with everything. Hope tomorrow is a littler better. Good job figuring everything out. Maybe go a bit slow with the CPT now? Can you explain to T that it’s not a good time with the surgery etc?

 

[whiteraven]

All I can say, @FauxLiz, is I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. It all sounds very familiar - health"care" really needs a complete overhaul!

 

[FauxLiz]

So today has been a rough one. Followed up with the surgeon this morning and they are concerned and have decided to push my return to work out another week so I will be off three weeks instead of two as they don't want me to be sitting in a hard desk chair for 8 hours straight so I am on pseudo bed rest for another 2 weeks. I won't say that is a bad thing as I actually don't like my job and didn't want to go back next week but yeah not so great on my pocketbook.

I had therapy this evening and went over all the events of the weekend along with my CPT homework and we discussed the fact that the two may be related and were we going to fast. He was honest that he has never dealt with this type of situation (I don't know if that means he has never had client admit to physical body memories or whether he has never had one dealing physical body memories during CPT immediately following a surgery that involved the area of the body forcibly used in the trauma). Anyway, so we are going to slow down at least for now and take a detour. From today's session came out something that I was aware of but didn't see as as stuck point in the normal sense, mostly because it was something that until today and this weeks homework I had never told anyone nor written down. I discuss it sort of in this thread. So this week he has asked me to do some writing on this issue which is a sort of mind/body disconnect which goes back to my traumas and my physical and mental reactions. Not looking forward to this week but I guess the only way forward sometimes is back.

 

[Sideways]

dealing physical body memories during CPT immediately following a surgery that involved the area of the body forcibly used in the trauma

You've been through the wringer - physically and psychologically. I'm glad your T has recommended you slow down for a while. Please try and be gentle with yourself, in addition to the pseudo-bedrest.

 

[FauxLiz]

Had my first in person post-op check up today with the surgeon today. It was an okay appointment but honestly after the week I have had I started to break down. I told her about how the appointment with my PCP went earlier this week. I explained that he told me that there was no reason that I should still be having pain which she responded with "so he does reconstructive pelvic surgery on the side" which made me feel a lot better and then I decided to come clean and ask if this was normal, I asked if she had done a psych rotation in med school and she said yes and then commented that she probably had worked in the past in her current practice (urogynecology) with women that have been sexually assaulted so did she think that the ongoing pain that I am experiencing could be caused by pain flashbacks or residual post-op pain. She was really great and understanding and I got really emotional which sucks because, I hate getting emotional, I really don't like it. She said she wished I had mentioned it before the surgery because she could have prepared me because the work done was extensive, but she also said I didn't talk about chronic pelvic pain, which I didn't have and I hadn't mentioned anything before because I had pelvic surgeries before and this wasn't an issue. She is keeping me off work for a bit longer, I honestly don't know how long right now, I am doing the best I can, between the pain and what it is bringing up, she agreed I am not ready to go back to work, she was glad to hear that I am working with a therapist.

I don't know where things are going to go from here, but at least one doctor this week was understanding and empathetic.