Wanna preface this by saying that I was born female, but identify as a man. So although this talks about my experiences as a child in which I identified as a girl, I am not a woman and do not want to be referred to as such. Thank you.
Second post in a day woo boy, hoping I'm not overstepping by posting so quickly right after joining. It's been hard to find a forum like this that I can ask questions to other csa victims (Reddit's an option but it's hard for ppl to see posts sometimes), as I have no one in my own life that I can casually ask and it's easier to get comforting insight from people who understand what it feels like to go through all of this.
I feel like there's a lot of discussion about men sexually assaulting or harming girls but I rarely see much about women sexually harming girls (this does not mean that one is worse than the other, both are equally horrid). Of course this is likely because men statistically sexually harm children more often than women, as well as women being stereotyped as "less dangerous".
Because of this, when I first starting getting possible memories, I thoroughly believed it was a man who abused me. I had a slight fear of men when I was young so when all this started I was like "of course it makes sense!" But as time went on I was like. Wait. These memories take place in a restroom. A man cannot casually enter a women's restroom, especially in a school of young children, he'd be in a lot of trouble.
So I had to force myself to open up to the possibility that the abuser was a woman. And as a result my flashbacks and episodes have increased a lot more. It's been much, much harder to accept that a woman might have sexually abused a young girl than a man, as I'm fighting against stereotypes in my brain that women are "kinder" and "would never just hurt a girl like that". Plus it makes me feel gross considering woman hurt me as it reminds me of a lot of hurtful stereotypes about LGBT+ women being predatory to young women. I hear of women sexually harming young boys but never much about women and girls.
And although I'm aware it probably happens, my brain is in intense denial because "why would a specific situation like that happen to you of all people? You're lying to yourself." Of course, this does not mean the person who abused me was 100% not a man, it very well could of been a man. But the increase in derealization and flashbacks due to opening myself up to the possibility of it being a woman is concerning to say the least.
A predator is a predator, regardless of gender.
Anyone else have similar issues with this? Where their abuser was a woman but it was hard to accept it as such due to stereotypes and other issues?
Edit: Also I didn't know what category to put this in, so please let me know if it was more appropriate for somewhere else, very sorry if I put it in the wrong spot!
Second post in a day woo boy, hoping I'm not overstepping by posting so quickly right after joining. It's been hard to find a forum like this that I can ask questions to other csa victims (Reddit's an option but it's hard for ppl to see posts sometimes), as I have no one in my own life that I can casually ask and it's easier to get comforting insight from people who understand what it feels like to go through all of this.
I feel like there's a lot of discussion about men sexually assaulting or harming girls but I rarely see much about women sexually harming girls (this does not mean that one is worse than the other, both are equally horrid). Of course this is likely because men statistically sexually harm children more often than women, as well as women being stereotyped as "less dangerous".
Because of this, when I first starting getting possible memories, I thoroughly believed it was a man who abused me. I had a slight fear of men when I was young so when all this started I was like "of course it makes sense!" But as time went on I was like. Wait. These memories take place in a restroom. A man cannot casually enter a women's restroom, especially in a school of young children, he'd be in a lot of trouble.
So I had to force myself to open up to the possibility that the abuser was a woman. And as a result my flashbacks and episodes have increased a lot more. It's been much, much harder to accept that a woman might have sexually abused a young girl than a man, as I'm fighting against stereotypes in my brain that women are "kinder" and "would never just hurt a girl like that". Plus it makes me feel gross considering woman hurt me as it reminds me of a lot of hurtful stereotypes about LGBT+ women being predatory to young women. I hear of women sexually harming young boys but never much about women and girls.
And although I'm aware it probably happens, my brain is in intense denial because "why would a specific situation like that happen to you of all people? You're lying to yourself." Of course, this does not mean the person who abused me was 100% not a man, it very well could of been a man. But the increase in derealization and flashbacks due to opening myself up to the possibility of it being a woman is concerning to say the least.
A predator is a predator, regardless of gender.
Anyone else have similar issues with this? Where their abuser was a woman but it was hard to accept it as such due to stereotypes and other issues?
Edit: Also I didn't know what category to put this in, so please let me know if it was more appropriate for somewhere else, very sorry if I put it in the wrong spot!