Preverbal Flash"backs" ?

[mumfie]

Hello!
I have experienced a preverbal trauma+ retraumatized several times. I can't remeber the trauma, but it is botthering me so much i daily life in so many ways (for over 20 years). I am fobic to everything that has to do with this. Sometimes when i get triggered by different things related to the trauma + stressed period, i get these pictures inside my head. These pictures are related to the trigger, example an ariticle in newspaper ect. These flashes are so f***** scary and i feel im loosing control. Is this a kind of flashback, or what is this? I soon going to an therapist, and they think i have PTSD.

 

[Born to Run]

To me it sounds like emotional flashbacks in which you feel and see the old situation. I am very sorry you are so scared. If you do not remember your trauma, like I did not either, a very good method is somatic experiencing, as your body remembers everything related to our past trauma's. Take care.

 

[mumfie]

Thanks a lot for answer! When i get anxiety attacks and/or the "emotinal flashbacks", i also get physical "pain" special places on my body! When i get really triggered, I all most throw up :S

I have had this all my life, and now im hopefully getting help. I'm new to psychiatry.... For at least 15 years i thought things like this was normal.

I shall google somatic experiencing :) Thank you!

 

[Born to Run]

Yes, Peter Levine is the author of books on somatic experiencing: Waking the Tiger, In an Unspoken Voice.
I am glad for you that you found this site, it may be very helpful for you. Take care.

 

[mumfie]

Thank you, i will check this out :) :) :)

 

[The Albatross]

If you can not "remember" the offending trauma I'd take a hard look at compulsive obsessing... over thinking.

 

[mumfie]

okey, thanks. Can you describe how over thinking feels like? (or guide me to a website that describe this very concrete)

For me its like 1-2 pictures pr second when its at it's worst, feeling i'm gooing out of my mind, cant see whats in front of me when its happening. But its weird that its not a memory but something i construct at the time i get the trigger. :S so sick of this!

 

[Chava]

I have a good deal of pre-verbal trauma. I go into understanding it almost not at all, except for when I'm recognizing my body memories or current states of immobilization as having no context in the present (includes really dreadful powerless, mutism, frozenness, feeling submerged, and panic). Little flashes of images don't mean much because I don't let myself latch onto them. But they are very few for me. If very bothersome for you, yes bring the issue up with your therapist. With my body memories of early trauma, what I needed to do was find a way out that fit with that trauma context. I couldn't force myself to run around the block or something. I had to activate some inner soothing, which is limited at that level (but for me it is possible through sound, for example).

If you feel like you are losing control, it's most important to work on grounding skills right away, and reorienting to present reality. What the memory or flashback means might be less important, but that might work itself out in time. Grounding and finding a way to feel more "in control" is the important part and hopefully your therapist can work with you to find resources that will work for you. I understand it's scary to not understand what is happening...just more helpful, personally (but also validated by several lead trauma experts), to find the grounding or way back to control....without worrying solely about meaning or understanding it...if that makes sense.

 

[mumfie]

Chava:
Thanks for your answer :) I understand a BIT of what you just wrote (i'm new to this). What triggers your body memories?

Activating some inner sooting with sounds? Is it like you are consentrating about the sound like in grounding?

 

[Anarchy]

For years I used to get extreme physical feelings, tight throat, extreme to the point of painful blush response and what I now know to be dissociation, at the mere hint of what I now recognise to be one of my early traumas, at approximately 6 months old.

The limbic system of our brains is active and is learning from 6 months from conception, even when we have no conscious memory, our limbic brain does remember.

Up until surprisingly recently (1980s) the received wisdom that doctors applied, was that babies couldn't experience pain, so no pain control was used during surgery!

Please take your time in exploring your experiences

For some background on my experience, check the "botched" thread.

 

[mumfie]

I red the "botched" thread, i'll type you a private message....

 

[Chava]

@mumfie ...yes, for me, sounds are grounding (and something I can access and use to internally regulate no matter what state I'm in)