Problems with T... again!

[grit]

Hi sietz

Thank you for responding to my comments. I am sort of processing similar experience as you. so I really appreciated your thoughts and comments. I have been going through a bit myself with my therapist lately.

I realize that sometimes therapists are human with just as much limitations as us maybe sometimes even narrower especially if they do not have acute childhood traumas. My therapist made comments that to me sounded as if he was trying to protect himself from me and was giving me subtle message as "go back to the cocoon of trauma and do not bring your shit here" sort of way. Now do I believe that or should I clarify and risk pushing him away further or is this a junction where I need to change in order to move forward on something (develop a new structure or strength I did not have) or should I get scared and start to protect him and stifle or censor myself? Why is this therapist burdening me with his own feelings when I suffered so much always being concerned by others feelings and hid mine so deep enough to dissociate? but the minute I find falling into his trap, is a minute I wasted healing myself.


What other relationship in the world would I ever have this sort of processing? Therapy is a weird thing. I am coming to terms that ultimately a therapist failing us is what heals us because that forces us to parent ourselves and build that structure that our real parents failed but this time we can see logically and emotionally as an adult and can go oooh I get it. you do not really love me like my real mother or father or whatever and you never will but thanks for making me come to that point on my own and I appreciate that all along (even as a baby even though we did not know then), I can love my self and take care of my needs...but needed this long gutwrenching journey to get it deep in my heart.

Of course that is the ultimate goal of therapy and how and when we reach that is a life time even for those not in therapy even for the therapists themselves.

It is hard Sietz. It is probably one of the most expensive, gut wrenching and unpredictable relationship ever and it supposed to help us heal. It is no different than the real parenting. They try to do their best and some went out of their way to do their worst.

If you truly struggling with this person, it could be you get another bad hand in therapist and you should trust your own nature given wisdom to move on but tell her clearly why you are moving away from her so i a small place maybe she will change her ways for the next client like us maybe not but at least you sent your own good karma for another sufferers who will come after you to this person.

All the best to you.

Therapy sucks often just as most parents but at the end, we all learn how to fly just to have our own lives.

 

[Still Standing]

Hey @Sietz! I just got caught up with this thread. First, I am sorry for your disappointment with your therapist. As a whole, It is hard to trust a stranger. 3 months seems like a short time to get adjusted to the personality of one who is to be so involved in one's personal life. After all, in those three months, you have only known her for X amount of days which do not truly total 12 weeks. It takes time to work through all the communication quirks. Sometimes this can be done and sometimes, it just can't. It sounds like in your case, the personality and work style of the therapist is more of a deterrent than a help.

If you have decided to discontinue therapy with her, are you able or interested in seeing someone else? Would it be possible to find someone who works with military and their families? This type of Psych doc or therapist would be more familiar with PTSD and might be a better fit for you. Just a thought.

I was naive and didn't know what I was getting myself into when I stepped into my T's office the first day. In order to side-step the uncomfortable issue of trusting this stranger, I had decided, no matter what, I was going to trust him. Period. So, after our initial greetings, I blurted out, "I trust you." "I promise not to hide from you, too." This all said before I had sat down. The pysch doc looked at me with surprise and said, "But you don't know me." "You can't trust someone until you know them." I answered him by saying that I had to decided to trust him or else I would have never walked through his doors, nor would I have even made an appointment with him. I knew I needed help and I knew if I did not choose to trust this guy, I would walk away after the first appointment and go back into hiding and maybe not come out again.

Now do I like the guy. Sorta. He does not always understand me and I have to correct him. And that bugs me. But, I figure he has to learn how I think and that comes by hits and misses in our communications with each other. It has been a year now that I have seen him. And I would say, I am finally to a point where we finally are working as a team. And by happenchance, he is retired military and specializes in PTSD and military families. It just happened to be exactly what I needed in a therapist. He does not coddle me or touch me. He is focused but enjoys a good laugh. It is just enough that I feel comfortable but not enough to want to be friends in the outside world.

If I were to look for another therapist, I would seek out another who is associated with the military. So, for me it was dumb luck that I got someone I could work with. But, he is the first therapist out of three others I have had. in years before, that I could work with....but, to be fair, two others, I was forced to see, as a kid. The third, was when I was in my adult "bag lady" days and was suicidal. This therapist was so "new agey" that she was more concerned with my aura than me. When she wanted me to play in her sandbox, I was outta there!

Anyway, you know it takes time to adjust to someone. If you feel you have put enough time in with this person and it does not feel right. Stop. Search out someone else. There is someone out there who would be a good fit for you. But, if you feel that stopping therapy altogether is what you need at this point, do it. You will know when it is time to try again. And you have this forum, as a resource in the meantime. It is not worth the time to struggle with a personality or working style of a therapist when it causes more strife than resolve to your issues. If she is not clicking with you, stop, and regroup.