Childhood Promiscuity As An Adult Questions

[Brenton]

How many, of those here, sexually abused in childhood became very promiscuous adults:

1. To deal with the pain?
2. Because being someone's sex object makes you feel normal?
3. Because being loved makes you feel weird or uncomfortable?

 

[Sideways]

This is an area that I'm not ready to tackle therapeutically, but on behalf of myself, I'd like to say something...

So I'm just going to say "Yes".

 

[Lucycat]

For me - no the complete opposite. Not a promiscuous adult and pretty sexually naive (even after 30 years of marriage)

 

[Chimera]

I was. Sexual, sensual, generous, greedy.
Now I am 7 years celibate, broken beyond hope.
Pretty certain I'm not going to recover from my ex, ever. Never.

 

[mary1979]

I have a different times in my life gone both ways.

In my very early years of PTSD the thought of sexual relations with anyone, even my long term partner made me feel repulsed.
I just couldn't open myself up to such vulnerability.

Once I had tackled the particular triggers involved I reached a point where I could tolerate it, but still felt quite disconnected from the act itself.

Then in later years, oh my god, did I swing heavily the other way.
Something switched in me somewhere along the road and I began to use sex manipulatively, as a tool to 'punish' perceived slights by my partners and also to make myself feel wanted, I misinterpreted sex, as love, desire as a validation that I was good enough and one night stands became a gauge I used to measure my self worth.
Often I also used to sex to get what I wanted from people..

I think both are fairly common responses to sexual abuse.

 

[Stickler]

Before I got many memories back I tried trading sex for attention.
Later on I remembered trading compliance with abuse for dad's attention.

As of last year I am getting recall of being rented out by dad.
This includes two parties so far.
It's very stunning to realize I'd probably been with over 20 adult men by the time I was 9.
I think that puts my lifetime number of both involuntary and voluntary sex partners up over 75. Why? Even before I got memories back, access to my body did not matter, I did not matter, my body did not matter. I just wanted to be touched and held. I was willing to give sex for this.

Worse?
I am generally attracted to everyone I like...which means monogamy=friendlessness. I have to avoid temptation.
This is no longer a big deal as I have two friends; one's a gay man and the other is dying of cancer.

I feel like a broken thing.

 

[Sideways]

@Stickler - if that post was half as hard to write as it is to read, then I really desperately want you to know that it is so incredibly helpful to me that you contributed that.

Where your "body didn't matter", my body "doesn't belong to me". I'm struggling a lot with my own special version of self-harm at the moment, and being reminded that none of the thoughts I'm having about myself are unique is helpful in ways I can't begin to describe.

The thoughts we have about sex and our bodies are just another toxic consequence of our abuse. They aren't real. If you can get past it, I can get past it, and that's what I need to keep repeating to myself until I can rebuild some semblance of self-esteem.

Short version: thank you so much for sharing that. I wouldn't have had the courage to do that, even though it is nothing either of us should be the least bit ashamed of.

 

[Brenton]

Before I got many memories back I tried trading sex for attention.
Later on I remembered trading compli...

I'm really sorry to hear that, that happened to you.