PTSD and Extra Sensitive

[YoungAndAngry]

My thoughts exactly!

Anything I say about a person that isn't around...
I know I will have no problem repeating to their face.

Stupid two-faced people!

 

[Nam]

Isn't it weird that we just don't have time for that crap? You know, all the back stabbing. We find no satisfaction in it like some do. And, I can no longer be tactful, for some reason. Especially if someone asked me a question and I gave an honest answer. I just wish I could do it with more finesse. I've been called many names because of my bluntness, but some admire it. Well, there is no guessing where I stand and usually, the way I say it, is exactly the way I feel. I guess there's good in that.

My former workplace has over 50 women working in it and only one guy. There is a lot, I mean A LOT, of talk that goes on. It gets to the point where you have to be strategic! Avoid certain people, or when certain people are together, try to join them so that they can't talk about you. I think I might have been a tad bit paranoid, but I just wish they had the same motto as you guys: If you can't say it to their face, don't say it at all!

 

[nml]

Odd this is brought up. I went back to work for the company i was laid off from as there have been cut backs. Well they called me to come to work in the "Home Office"....The very one who "warned" me of anohter person, was the very person I knew to watch my back with. There were 3 women who are total martyrs and no one does as much as they do as far as they are concerned. i was hired to take the extra load off....went fine for a couple weeks and before I knew it I had so much to do I couldnt keep up!!! Needless to say I became the talk of the office after messing up a couple times...there was never "good job" heard but if you make a mistake....you are considered mud. Im so glad to be out of there I took a restaraunt job!

Right now I am anxious as i had charged on my creidt card an airline ticket for the end of september....I got the bill today and the charge is not on there. I attempted to pull up my itinerary online, not there...the travel agent is off today who set up my flight. Whcih I was already pissed because the therapist I am with now is inthe same office as the previous who pretty much dropped me after she knew my insurance was going to be gone. Well, I received a bill from her where I was charged for a session at the beginnng of last month and I havent seen this woman in months!!!! I had made a payment on my previous balance the day after its dated for that session.....as if I dont owe her enough money because I hadnt met my deductible either. WTF???

I had gotten use to having our needs met with not much extra but we didnt want for much and now I am over my head after I worked so hard to learn how to live within my means. I just dont EVEN know what to do....I thought these days were over with struggling financially. So I go into work today a freakin basket case....its been building up over the past few days, I could feel it after being snappy and irritable, catching myself grinding my teeth. My jaw muscles actually get sore from the tension.

I better go get my kids off to their destination and get back to get ready for work and some quiet time.

Thanks for listening. Sorry if I triggered anyone with my negativity. I am putting it all in Gods hands and apparently I need to look for a part time job to work with this full time one. How many hours are in a day?

 

[nml]

I just get tired of doing this by myself and nothing I do is happening in a simple way these days.

 

[piglet]

I can no longer be tactful, for some reason. Especially if someone asked me a question and I gave an honest answer. I just wish I could do it with more finesse. I've been called many names because of my bluntness, but some admire it. Well, there is no guessing where I stand and usually, the way I say it, is exactly the way I feel. I guess there's good in that.

This was mentioned to me in a performance review last week! I must try to be more aware of how I come across to colleagues. I don't waste time wrapping things up in cotton wool- just say it like it is. Upsets the more sensitive types a little! Never was good at office politics....

I feel for you with the financial situation. I have potential big trouble ahead. I'd never manage full-time at the moment, let alone an extra job on top. Make sure you get that quiet time in as it's going to be more important than ever. I hope things get better for you and the ex-therapist gets off your back!

 

[purdyamos]

I too have the hyper-sensitivity thing. Your brain turned up the monitors when it was in survival mode, and now you have this extra skill. To me it's one of the compensations of my childhood trauma. I would not use the term 'psychic' in terms of it being paranormal, because it's simply normal senses but with a far greater acuity and capacity for information gathering. I can tell a lot from people, spot hidden clues. I often amaze people by what I notice and pick up. I think this is an example of a PTSD effect we can view as a strength, even a gift. I'm just sorry you're picking up bitching.

See if you can find a situation where your enhanced hearing becomes a bonus. For instance, we can appreciate the sounds of the natural world much better than most!

I'm in solidarity with the no-B.S. truthtellers, too.

 

[Farmer]

What get's me is 20 people will give compliments and I ignore them but I will pick up the one negative clue or comment. :wall:

 

[piglet]

Compliments are not necessary for survival in the immediate future. Negative ones might be. That's my reasoning about selective hearing.

 

[Anonymous1]

Same here...

Once again you all affirm what I've been experiencing. It is to me a most embarrassing symptom. I don't want to hear everything and I have tried the earplugs, then the silence is SO loud! Working in a cubicle environment is the pits.

So much for auditory - or hypercussis (sp?) (thanks for the new vocab). Does anyone else out there experience obsessive visual monitoring? I must always know what's going on around me, and 360 degrees if possible. Watching, again for any signs of potential danger of abuse I guess.

It's exhausting and leads often to zoning out and just plain staring, sometimes cognizant sometimes oblivious to it.

 

[Nam]

Does anyone else out there experience obsessive visual monitoring? I must always know what's going on around me, and 360 degrees if possible. Watching, again for any signs of potential danger of abuse I guess.

It's exhausting and leads often to zoning out and just plain staring, sometimes cognizant sometimes oblivious to it.

OH my word!! That was me! When I first read the three sixty visual....I thought automatically to my experience and how I would dissociate...and then you said zoning out, another way of saying dissociation! Weird! Yep, that was me. It would be overwhelming to get from my car to the store because I couldn't see behind me and in front of me at the same time. So instead, I looked like a fool running into the store looking back several times with my heart pounding in my stomach. I also had a thing with the dark. I had to make sure the light was on BEFORE I stepped into a room. I would not enter a place that was dark. Driving in the dark was also hard. It is borderline paranoia, but when you think about our traumas, it makes total sense to be hypersensitive. We know bad things happen. We know what it feels like and in order for it to never happen again, we are cautious. Luckily, over time, these symptoms do wane and for me, almost disappear.

The dissociation would happen if I was forced to be in the dark or forced to do something that was scaring me and my choice was either to dissociate or go absolutely loony. I chose to dissociate. It does work for a time....and it doesn't draw as much attention as going loony. I was able to work in surgeries doing this. I just did it, but with absolutely no emotion what so ever...

There is light. Imagine life not being afraid of a dark corner, or of strangers. Imagine able to feel happiness, just pure love and contentment. Imagine laughing so hard that your stomach hurt and looking back at your past in awe because you made it out alive and well.....

 

[Anonymous1]

Visual

Thanks, Nam, for responding with your experience. I'm really just starting to come to terms with this on a deeper level. It seems to come back when I least expect it and there is an underlying paranoia, pervasive.

Do you still experience this? I have to admit sometimes dissociating does feel very good, insulating. Hmmm. Do you 'unlearn' this?

 

[bella]

Me Too

I have that too, its called hypervigilence. It's a symptom of the PTSD. My therapist told me that because of what happened, we have a heightened sense of awareness to protect ourselves. I can hear most of every converstation and I catch myself when I'm talking to people or doing something looking around because I need to know whats going on around me. Don't worry......apparently it's normal for us PTSD people. :crazy-eye