PTSD And Shame

[Nicolette]

I was talking to someone with a fair amount of PTSD knowledge and he believes that "Shame" forms a big part of why a Sufferer acts as they do. As in the isolation is caused by the 'shame' of the illness, or the inability to socialise normally and the inability to function normally.

He said that "he believes shame (especially for men) is the biggest hurdle for a Sufferer to overcome". This makes sense to me as the isolation is the result of something...... the cause could/can be/is related to 'shame'?!

I am interested to hear your thoughts.

 

[becvan]

Hmm perhaps with some? I have no issues with shame. I worked through that years ago, when it finally sunk in that this wasn't my fault, that what was done to me wasn't my fault. Why should I be shamed by another's actions? I don't think so.. LOL

For me, the isolation is two things. The first is the fact that I do have a hard time interacting "normally." It's exhausting. I can only take so much of it before my symptoms kick into high gear. I have to concentrate really hard to interact. The second is my safety. My whole world revolves around being safe. It's very hard to keep some semblance of safety in social situations. People move quickly, make jerky movements, get loud, there are a ton of distractions, I can't keep my back protected..etc.. This sends me into overdrive. Again it causes increased symptoms and then I need time to settle down.

There is also the fact that I really don't like most people nor do I trust them. I don't want to socialize with most of humanity. Why would I want to be around people I neither like nor trust?

I could see shame playing a part in some cases, but it certainly doesn't in mine. I am what I am, I act how I act and I didn't cause it. Some other jerk offs did. Either accept me with all my flaws or get lost..

bec

 

[anthony]

Yer... I have no shame over anything I have done or experienced. I do choose not to talk about it with people typically, because from a veterans viewpoint, usually people just want to know the blood and gore, the newsworthy stuff... which any veteran will usually tell you that that pisses them off.

 

[kers]

Shame is a huge part of my PTSD. I was ashamed when I was abused and that feeling persists today when I think about or talk about what happened to me. It also manifests in my reaction to the PTSD; I am ashamed of my symptoms, the way I feel and act in relation to memories, triggers, and my own self-perception. I would say rougly two-thirds of every therapy session is spent feeling or discussing shame.

Shame is paralyzing for me. It makes it hard to talk, to connect with other people. Thus it leads to isolation. For example, after seeing my abuser this recent holiday, I spent the next week in my house, alone. I was miserable but I couldn't bear to contact friends because I felt like they wouldn't want to talk or see me like that. Seeing him triggered the old shame, and then I became ashamed of feeling that way.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think possibly the presence of shame as a motivating factor for isolation may be more prevalent when traumas have involved sexual abuse/ assault(s).

 

[SpringRain]

Not an easy thread this one. I'd have to say that yes, I have a lot of shame connected to my PTSD. Not so much that I have a PTSD diagnosis, but what it means / has meant to me: I've felt broken, weak, insane ... the list could go on. All ways in which I have viewed myself in a very negative way which has continued to hurt me. And when I've felt like this I've worked very hard to isolate myself. The interesting thing is that I have nothing but respect and admiration for people dealing with PTSD - but I have had trouble "tolerating" it in myself. There are a lot of issues and reasons behind this that I am now beginning to work through, but yes, I feel, and have felt, a lot of shame. In T I am trying to learn to say "sorry" less.

Rain

 

[tude]

I can see where this could be true in my life. Like Kers, the shame of the diagnosis or symptoms of PTSD has caused me to isolate, become withdrawn, and depressed. When I feel excessive guilt and/or remorse regarding what I didn't do or could not do.... makes it difficult to be around people. I think, "if people knew, they would be disgusted with me." Shame has also served a useful purpose to protect me from feeling that guilt/ remorse. As such, it has been an obstacle to my healing and recovery.

Good grief, this response was difficult to think about and share.

 

[midi]

Shame resulting from symptoms is a definite yes, especially with sexual/physical traumas sustained as a child - my parents punished me for behaviours that stemmed from the abuse. Being called crazy/evil repeatedly made me ashamed of who I was right up until a few years ago. Nobody wants to be around an insane outcast.

 

[growingpains]

I have carried a lot of guilt and shame around with me most of my life. How do you get over the fact that your "creators" tried to destroy you and brainwashed you into being victimized over and over again? It was only when I was triggered last that I thought about it and decided enough is enough. I had no control, I was only a child. Even when I was an adult and was stalked/abused, I tried my best to protect myself, and got the authorities involved when necessary. But I still feel ashamed after I calm down when I have triggered and isolated. I cannot stand for an example when other women stroke my clothing, or touch me in any way even if it seems like they are trying to comfort me. It feels like my boundaries have been violated and I never gave them permission to touch, if someone goes through my things without asking it is even worse. Then my sense of safety is really infringed upon. But after-wards when I am calm and have lower stress levels again I feel ashamed that stress took over my body and I had no control. For me this is the biggest source of shame.

 

[dust]

Shame is a huge part of my PTSD. I was ashamed when I was abused and that feeling persists today when I think about or talk about what happened to me. It also manifests in my reaction to the PTSD; I am ashamed of my symptoms, the way I feel and act in relation to memories, triggers, and my own self-perception.

I really relate to this quote by kers, although I don't spend a lot of time talking about it in therapy as we are still working on flashbacks/triggers etc. In bad moments, I feel ashamed about my childhood, I feel ashamed about my breakdown, unworthy of my job... the list goes on. It is the most pernicious feeling which does cause me to feel so different, that I self isolate.

 

[Deleted member 541]

The shame that I carry around is for my actions, and behaviors that I have done because of undiagnosed PTSD. For years I was out of control, and did many things I now regret, and I am ashamed of.....I don't think I will ever fully get over what I have done, and the shame I have for what I have done.....

 

[Grainne]

I'm with She Cat - I'm not ashamed of my childhood as I had no choice in the matter but I AM ashamed of the way I behaved before I was diagnosed. I did go for help eventually, but I also hurt alot of people along the way.