Sufferer Ptsd, Anxiety, Depression...

[MommaRose]

Hey all. Always hate introductions, but they can be so helpful sometimes. So I'm a stay at home mom of 3 wonderful little kiddos. I'm incredibly lucky because they understand that I have anxiety and depression as much as is possible for someone their ages (well, aside from the baby, that's not an age that can grasp it ha). They don't know about the PTSD though because how can you explain sexual assault to someone so young?

It just makes every day so much harder. I've had this for a decade now and only recently been diagnosed. This year has been so hard, the worst I can recall. My husband actually took a day off of work not too long ago to stay home with me after an extremely vivid nightmare that left me extremely suicidal. If he hadn't I'd have definitely checked myself into the hospital.

It's something I'm trying to be open about with those around me because I know the anxiety at the very least runs in the family and I don't want my kids suffering through a significant portion of their lives untreated like I did because of stigmas. I also hate that feeling alone thing. By being open I've found so many people around me who have some of their own mental health struggles and they said it is amazing hearing they're not alone.

But I also want to bury it and hide it and just function. To be able to move on. I know that doesn't work because if it did, you'd think a decade would be enough time to work. I hate feeling so exhausted at the idea of things like making the kids meals for the day, doing very basic cleaning, hell getting out of bed and brushing my teeth. This all sucks so much and it causes me so much sadness and, to an extent, hate.

Thankfully though I've at least got a good support system around. My therapist is amazing, my Dr works endlessly with me as far as meds go, my husband and friends and grandparents and kids are amazing. I know I wouldn't be here without them.

 

[Silver.]

Thankyou for sharing your story. I only have one daughter, but I completely can relate to only being able to share some things with your children, it is a help that they can understand some of what you are going through. The day to day things can get hard, and we push forward, for our children. It is great that you have your husband, friends and a therapist to support you! There are a lot of great threads and a lot of great people here, I am sure you will find the help you are seeking here, sometimes it's nice to know that we are not alone in what we are going through. Again, thank you for sharing x

 

[Sunny6]

Welcome, MommaRose! Despite how hard this year has been for you I'm so glad you're still here and being brave enough to get through each day. You've struggled with all of this on your own for years but you're no longer alone. It's great that you have a support system now. Stay brave, friend <3

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, Momma Rose!:hug: Hugs (if acceptable)
I am SO SORRY that you are having such MIGHTY struggles! But, I am thankful that you have found this AWESOME forum, that is a great place to receive comfort, understanding, empathy, a lack of judgement, and unconditional support!

I, too, had the struggles which really peaked when I had my children. They required such care 24/7, and lots of times you just don't have it to give. Thankfully, on your worst day, your husband came home, and allowed you to recover somewhat. You have a good support system, and that is making a HUGE difference, and will continue to help as you find your way to healing. You CAN get to the point where the pain can be "tucked away" into a place of your heart and mind, that it won't come out and interrupt, and create havoc in your days! As long as you don't give up, you WILL get to a better place!

I struggled with depression from the time I was 14, and still have the struggle, but with support it doesn't "attack" me, unless I have too many
stressors hit me all at once. The swirling thoughts that we can't control, I, along with my BFF, learned to call it "running around in our heads without adult supervision." A humorous way to describe the horrid way our thoughts can take over.

My very worst time, was after the birth of my second child, who was born with very severe brain damage. She was like a "rag doll" who could't focus on my face, or anywhere actually. We thought she might be blind, and deaf, but thankfully neither was true. She vomited every feeding for her first year, even though I was able to breast fed her. She had seizures, and couldn't keep her meds down either. NOTHING I did went right, which was the opposite from her brother, who excelled in every way.

We couldn't/didn't bond, and I began hating myself, life, and everything and everyone around me. Thankfully, my son was my bright star, that kept me "somewhat" sane. I began to have thoughts and "visions" that no mother should EVER have, and had NO support around me. One day, after an especially vivid picture and feeling in my mind, I called my husband home, and told him he HAD to take me back home to live that very day. I feared that I would throw my daughter up against the wall. It was absolutely the scariest moments I have EVER had. Home was about 5 hours away, with my BFF, parents, and friends. I knew I HAD to have a place to "run" to. He did take us back, and then went and brought our belongings back within a few days. I had heard several stories about mothers of handicapped children had killed them, and I ABSOLUTELY was terrified of myself for my children.

There is SO much more to my story, but I wanted to "let you in" to my horror to let you know that with the right support: supportive husband, therapist, meds, family, and LOVE, you WILL GET BETTER! It's a long road, and you may need meds for quite a while, and therapy to learn to "manage" your sadness, anger, memories, and nightmares, but healing IS POSSIBLE as long as you JUST DON'T QUIT!

I need to head out to a therapy session with a therapist that my church provides, but felt I should reach out and encourage you before I left. You are brave and loving, it is obvious in your writing. Hang in there, and do your best to LOVE YOURSELF, which is REALLY hard right now. Eat well, sleep when you need to, and ask for help when you need it. Maybe someone can bring in some meals that you only have to warm up, and even just come for you to have another adult there which can help A LOT! If you can get away to a movie, by yourself, and be distracted from your duties for a couple hours can REALLY help!

Blessings and prayers sent your way!
AKJ

P.S. I hope this isn't too scattered, or triggering!:hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this spot helps you. It's extremely valuable as a result of the mass measure of individuals who feel comparative and understand eachother. There is a great deal of counsel and backing to be found here :) I trust this stunning group helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and taking in a lot of support along the way. Hugs in the event that you accept :hug:

 

[intothelight]

@MommaRose Welcome!:)

It is tough to meet the needs of children, especially when PTSD symptoms are spiking. Use all of the support that is available to you and keep putting your healing first, for in the long run that is what is best for your family. I hope you find this site helpful to your healing.:yuck: