Does eating disorder come from ptsd.... i been good but recently i eat so much it feels like my...
I wouldn't say the eating disorder comes from the PTSD but that both are consequences of the trauma I suffered and ways I used to cope with the emotions and experiences I went through, and I think this is generally pretty common.
For me, as again is very common, one of the ways I used to cope was to try and blame myself for the things which were happening to me, and if I was not going to let them matter I had to not let anything matter and would not allow myself food or anything else which I should have deserved. It was also complicated for me by the fact that one of my main abuses was also the person who provided food for us as a household in a situation where we were otherwise neglected and did not have things provided for us. Working through these issues I know is a big part of my journey, but those parts where those processes were so much a protection from allowing myself to feel the pain of the injustice which was happening, still do find it very hard, and understandablly it is not something which can just simply be let go of and worked through quickly.
Though my response is very much depriving and punishing myself and not letting myelf have anything, I know there are also parts of me where I am screaming out and feel like I have such a massive massive emptiness and need, but because as a child I did actually go to someone at one point about the abuse and though he should have been someone who would have protected me, he was actually even worse and treated me in a very bad way, and this also fuels and adds to the part of me where I do not feel safe enough to allow those small child needs and emotions to come up at all, and I still am very very scared of all the emotions and the things which I feel when I do allow those child parts to come up more.
I do have other friends though who also experienced a traumatic chidhood and suffer from PTSD, and one in particular also feels this massive emptiness and need, and with her eating she has gone the other way to me and, like it sounds as if you do, she eats and eats and eats, constantly trying to fill this need and emptiness inside her, but it is just never never satisfied and she has found it very hard and at times gone through phases of spending lots and lots to to try and satisfy it too. I have been really trying to encouage her to allow herself to feel the things which she is feeing and craving and give the child part in her the time and space and energy which she needs, and instead of trying to feed and feed something which is never going to fufill the needs which that child part so legitimately has, to give herself time and comfort and actually allow that child to cry and grieve and feel comforted, as this is really what she was craving so much, and is much more likely to gradually satisfy and ease that massive scream and emptiness which she has inside.
She is gradually able to do that more, and there are many practical ways she can do this, and she has allowed herself to buy a soft doll which she can cuddle and has been colouring again as she used to find she enjoyed doing safely as a child, and just remembering and giving time and listening to that child part when those cravings do come up has really been helping her, though it is obviously a long journey and a lot of may different things to work through with it to begin to change the natural way in which she learnt quite sensibly to respond to her situation.
I do not know if this all makes sense to you at all or if it helps you, but do hope it has been able to help give you a bit of insight too, and I am sending hugs to that empty part within you if she can feel safe enough to accept it.
Helen
