Sufferer Ptsd Flashbacks, Feeling Lonely, And Coping

[Calmwinds]

Hi

I am new to this group and wanted to give a quick intro.

I am suffering from PTSD from many different traumas and have recently been experiencing flashbacks.
At age 5, I walked into the bathroom to find my sister (then 14) had attempted suicide. I remember the moment and feeling and the ambulance coming to take her away. Thankfully she survived. Though she did attempt suicide several more times as we grew up. Around age 9, my parents divorced and I felt like I was pushed around both houses and constantly hearing my parents fight and talk bad about one another to me. As I grew older and began dating, my two serious relationships were with emotionally abusive, manipulative and narcissistic men. My last serious boyfriend (5 years ago) stole money from me, constantly lied, dated other women, killed my dog (on accident...sure). I am traumatized to say the least. After my last relationship, I somewhat isolated myself from dating and family events in order to focus on me and to try to get my life together.

I recently started a new job, and have been experiencing flashbacks and fears of change. In my last relationship, I began two new jobs. On the first days of both jobs, I came home to unstabling events. Job 1, my then BF broke up with me for no reason. Job 2, I came home to find my dog had passed away. I later realized that the narcissistic ex purposely did these things to ruin any positive experiences of beginning a new job and to always make sure sweet misery followed any happiness I had.

I am currently in a very positive and supportive relationship and before starting new job, I felt incredibly anxious that something would go wrong when I started my new job. I voiced my fears and anxiety to my BF and I'm lucky and grateful he tries his best to help me cope. Nothing has changed between us, things continue to progress beautifully, but underneath it all I still feel very anxious. I fear that things are going to go hay-wire and my constants in life are going to crazy. I fear abandonment and I tend to isolate myself in fear of getting too close to someone in case they leave or try to harm me. These feelings are completely irrational when I think in logical terms, but I do not know how to stop them or cope with them. I feel isolated in the sense that I have no one to speak to as my friends don't understand PTSD or flashbacks, or ways to help cope.

I would appreciate chatting with you if you are willing to share your coping methods, or other experiences in getting through rough patches. Thank you for reading.

 

[Leah123]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your traumas and current struggles. I have trouble with change too, but am lucky to work from home online, so I can work through and not reveal the worst of my symptoms when they arise.

Here's a link to a helpful document on managing though: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/copi...hen-you-dont-have-much-time-or-privacy.23637/

I imagine others will have additional input, but hopefully that will give you something concrete to help you feel a little more in control during this stressful period.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Calmwinds,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

Unfortunately, even good changes produce stress, which can cause symptoms to increase. With therapy and hard work, symptoms can be managed and over time even eliminated. You might want to check out the Self Help section for some ideas to assist you in dealing with what you are experiencing right now.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing.

Debbie

 

[Dark Horse]

Hi Calmwinds

Wow. What a turd that narcissist ex of yours is. Killing a dog as a way of increasing your trauma :( Your story is a good reminder that fascist/sadists still exist and they prey on people with PTSD and other vulnerable people. They are social vampires but are able to come out at any time of the day or night...groan.

As far as change goes, it is predictable in that it will occur but unpredictable in how it manifests itself. I try to convince myself that change is a good thing because I want to change from a situation where PTSD is winning to one where I am. This is an example of change that I would welcome! And even in situations where things seem to be all black look for the silver lining, as cliche as that may sound. My traumas have given me great gifts too. Personally, I feel that the price paid for these gifts was way too high but there it is.
Some gifts, like diamonds, are expensive to get and most people cannot afford it.

I suggest that you talk, write, draw, sing...about your troubles. PTSD is a chronic disorder that needs first to treated then managed for the rest of your life. This means that you will need to develop a working relationship with mental health practitioners where you live. And you will need to talk about PTSD for the rest of your life in one way or another. My second ex-wife called me a 'f*cking running monologue' - which to me translated into divorce. I could not live with a partner who thought that I should either get over it or shut up about it.

All the best in your battle to regain control of your feelings and thoughts and life. It is a battle worth waging even though you did not start it.