Ptsd from narcissistic abuse

[EveHarrington]

@EveHarrington

PTSD isn't a prestigious piece of real estate that deserves th...

You can speak from (forum) experience after you've been here more than 5 days. No, as a 5 day member you haven't seen people here who claim PTSD from a bad breakup. I've been here for a lot longer so I have seen these kinds of posts. They are easy enough to find through a search. But it's not fair of you to think these kinds of claims don't happen when you've only seen 5 days worth of posts.

You're a medical professional here to push your agenda? <ignored> I'm here for peer to peer support. I can go out and pay for professional advice. That's not what I want here.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm seeing them shut down serious emotional distress

This is a peer support site for PTSD!

THIS
IS
NOT
THE
DUMPING GROUND
FOR
ALL
DISTRESS!

MODs have every right to say "this does not fit criteria A, our guide to what trauma can and cannot lead to PTSD, and you maybe better served on a site that's specific for your issues. We are not doing them any good to pretend they could have PTSD when it is clear that if their stated info is their only trauma they can't possibly have PTSD per the diagnosic criteria we have today. Again, that is like sitting at a car mechanic and insisting they fix your PC. Isn't going to happen because that is not what they do there!

 

[FragileGlass]

These are very valid points, but there is a difference between you (and other mental health responder...

That's my point. PTSD is a subset of issues and deserves better inclusivity here in the forum. Moderators haven't signed on for suicide prevention, but are shutting people down without alternative sources and referrals to suitable web sites. It doesn't have to be personalized, canned responses are fine.

In my specific region where I work, suicidal thoughts are high in the youth community and largely due to social media bullying and online bullying in general. Those 'my relationship ended' posts more than likely are young, dealing with Facebook comment crisis that truly damage their self esteem. I do take this to heart because anyone who claims they have PTSD, I take seriously at all times to ensure stressors aren't activated.

These PTSD criteria arguments are truly counterintuitive as we still have much to learn about PTSD as a whole.

 

[Sideways]

PTSD isn't a prestigious piece of real estate that deserves this kind of protection

I think you might be misinterpreting the motivation behind telling people “that doesn’t cause ptsd...”.

It’s not about minimising. It’s not about how ptsd is some kind of special achievement for the elite. It’s not about keeping people out of our private club.

Telling someone “that doesn’t cause ptsd...” when they haven’t been through a Crit A trauma, is about supporting people to find the correct diagnosis for their suffering. How is “get the correct diagnosis” minimising anything??

Encouraging the myth, that if you’re suffering from trauma, you must have ptsd? Is as dangerous as it is plain unhelpful.

So, again, there is a big difference between minimising someone’s trauma (“You aren’t suffering”) and encouraging people to find the correct diagnosis (“You don’t have ptsd”).

We aren’t first responders here. This isn’t an ER. We are a group of people suffering a serious mental illness. There’s a lot of projecting going on in this thread, and it’s not helpful.

 

[Neverthesame]

because it doesn't fall in line of the web site guidelines.

Not the website guidelines, the current DSM. Nobody here wrote it.

Often times people come to forums as last resort or beginning their journey.

That's right. A person who is suffering emotionally comes here looking for advice/sympathy/information about why they are feeling so badly in their soul.

Emotional abuse. What does it mean?
It means someone very important to this person was very cruel to them. They're reaching out for help because they don't know what to do and need someone to give a f*ck about them.
Why then, would it be acceptable to lie to this person and try to steer them away from the care they seek?
I won't be cruel to someone in that way just to protect their immediate feelings, it's wrong.

You are quite right, trying to sort out your mental health, is indeed a journey. Why on earth would I want to give someone who is suffering like I am, bad directions?

You want to know what being cruel and uncaring towards one of the misguided souls looks like?

"Welcome! It doesn't matter that you don't fit the diagnostic criteria for PTSD. Feel free to make yourself at home and stagnate your recovery, hanging about with a bunch of people who don't give enough of a shit about you, to even bother being honest with you."

That's what being mean and cruel looks like.

I'll tell you, there is a real cost to this kind of behaviour because people minimize base on these strict guidelines.

Being honest and caring enough to risk having having someone tell you off, for only wanting to help, is not minimising.

Lying to someone who is suffering to protect them from feeling "put out". That is minimising.
You can't really care about someone's suffering, if you're willing to go out of your way to prolong it for them.

Isn't the lack of people giving a flying f*ck about them, the reason they are suffering in the first place?

 

[FragileGlass]

You can speak from (forum) experience after you've been here more than 5 days. No, as a 5 day mem...

I'm here as I do suffer from PTSD and Operational Stress. But technically my biggest stressors don't meet the forums guidelines, the reason I am so passionate about not shutting people down is because of the suicides I have dealt with. The two events that damaged me most were patients I had daily interaction with up till their eventual suicide. No, I didn't see them do it, no I didn't see their bodies after the fact.

I'm an easy qualifier for PTSD support because of the industry i serve. No one questions it. However I do serve people who don't get the easy pass i am afforded at times.

In a sense watching a moderator shut someone down triggers my emotions events and the ensuing damage of two people who got shut down and ultimately paid for it with their life.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@FragileGlass Those are YOUR triggers though. The world doesn’t revolve around helping you to ease your triggers. You have to find a way to cope with your triggers so that you don’t react to them. Exposure Threapy is just one way. Those that took their lives isn’t on you either. They had choices that they made.

 

[FragileGlass]

Judging by the response

@FragileGlass Those are YOUR triggers though. The world doesn’t revolve around he...

At no point did I expect anyone to revolve around my triggers. I was merely explaining the passion behind my concerns and the trigger behind it.

I am starting to see why I haven't seen many First Responder or Law Enforcement here in this forum though. It's hard to suffer and try to stop protecting others simultaneously. As well there does seem to be an exclusivity among a handful of posters.

 

[mumstheword]

I understand what you were trying to say, @mumstheword a while back.
You were sayi...

No I wasn't saying it was the same as rape. I was saying that sleeping with a narcissist, which is pretty much akin to saying sleeping with a sociopath, someone with zero compassion, empathy and regard for you, over time, can cause a huge amount of damage. Mine kept me in a very bad state and I was close to death from long-term extreme stress and exhaustion when I left. I absolutely know that I wouldn't be alive today, if I stayed. Only thing is, I had PTSD when I entered the relationship. I was a homeless teenager, thousands of km away from my damaging parents He even boasted to me, during the early days, how he had wanted a homeless "street kid" for a girlfriend, that he could "mold", he was twice my age.

I'm saying that sex with a sexual predator is violating, because of the nature of the callous manipulative, preying on the vulnerable and then using their sexual hooks they get into you, causes an extreme amount of damage on a very deep level.

People here have definately minimized it, because they haven't experienced it.

It makes you a zombie so that you don't even have a mind to say no to the sex with. That's what they want from you. To take your will away from you.

 

[Scarlet13]

Yes, we agree. I could tell you were not saying your relationship was the same as rape.
I could tell that.
You have been through a lot.
Sometimes it is hard to know what is worse, the emotional or the physical abuse.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@FragileGlass I understand your passion and your concerns, I do. The thing is though that you can’t let it take over. You have to be first and you are your priority when it comes to healing. It’s like being on a plane and they tell you to put your mask on first and then help others. You can’t help someone when you’re gasping for air. You are compassionate, I hear that, I just wonder if it gets in the way of helping you, when you are so devoted to helping others?!?!?!

Your triggers are yours and finding good coping skills will help you so that you won’t be triggered as much as you are.

The is something else too. Sympathy doesn’t help anyone, it keeps them stagnant in their growth on healing, we use sympathy very very cautiously....

I’ve been here for over 10yrs and you wouldn’t believe the stories that people come here with and self diagnosing themselves. It’s nuts....

 

[DharmaGirl]

How is finding out the person you've given your body to, thinking they cared about you, and then finding out they have zero regard for you, that different to rape?

This is what you said. This is what I responded to. I wasn't responding to your years of abuse with that man, and what you suffered was horrific, but to the stand alone statement you made. In your quote, you say "given your body to". That is quite different than being kidnapped and physically carried to a room and being raped, worrying if he was going to kill you when he was done. Again, referring only to the stand alone statement. Your abuse with that man was unconscionable, and NOT comparable to buying shoes, but I wasn't referring to that. I wasn't trying to discount any of your trauma, which is amazing that you survived.