General Ptsd Sufferers Cant Feel The Love Emotion?

[ButterflyBoof]

@nicolette Pretty name, by the way. Some wise words, and I will take them to heart. I think of your last statement often. That I could have all that with someone without all the grief. So true. It is hard, though, to explain how the dynamics are between two people. Perhaps he is having his cake and eating it, too. But I am letting him. I guess I go back and forth with all of this. I want to be strong, to do what is right. I guess mostly though, if I am to be honest, I am waiting and hoping for him to "come around" (again, something he has promised me will never happen.)

You are so right though. I should concentrate on me, and the rest will follow. He DID eventually find her too shallow to be with, I just wish he could have figured that out before he slept with her. I think he just has to rebel, has to know that he CAN do something, and then after, he becomes bored with it. I don't think this is his PTSD...I think it's HIM. Can I live with it? We will see. I think he and I will always be friends, but I doubt we will be lovers much longer. I am trying to hang in there but it's getting me down more than it's making me happy and I know that isn't right.

Thank you for responding, and for caring. Any and all advice is always appreciated. :p

 

[ButterflyBoof]

PS. SOOOO HARD to leave someone you are in love with. Not to mention, we are in business together. I want to remain his friend, but I also wish I had the guts to leave, if I so choose. Sigh. Life can be complicated.

 

[Archangel]

Maybe I just need an actual definition from a sufferer when they say "emotional flat" numbness" etc.

Let's see how this works. Please forgive any mistakes that I might as this is my first post and I am new to the group.

Have you ever had a really bad toothache, such as an abscess, that required you to go to the dentist? Remember how the intense pain worked on you endlessly? Now, remember how it felt when the dentist numbed you in that area? The relief? What about how you didn't feel the work that he was going in your mouth at that time?

Now, apply that to your partner.

Right off, let me say that he has two emotional strikes against him already. First, he is a male and we are all taught to hide our emotions. The exception may be with homosexual males, but that has not been my experience with them. They are raised the same way that heterosexual males are, but do not accept the macho hype. Those of us who do, unfortunately, already have a tendency to suppress our feelings. Add in military training, and you get a real mess.

The trauma that we experience is much like the toothache. The numbing is our mind's way of coping with it. It's the same basic principle that the doctor uses, only it's more like a form of hypnosis. The pain is still there, only it is blocked by the anesthetic or a hypnotic suggestion so that we do not feel the pain. This way we can continue to do what needs to be done in order to survive, just like the doctor does to fix your tooth. Everything is still working perfectly fine.

As he is operating, in life, he is protected from pain by not feeling. This means that if you leave him, for whatever reason, he will not feel the pain or loss. When my wife died, I really did not feel the loss or recover like I should have. He still feels love for you, but it's masked by anesthetic.

Today Today, AsAs he's operating

 

[ButterflyBoof]

That analogy is wonderful. Thank you for sharing, Archangel. That is what scares me. I don't know about other carers, but I KNOW he won't feel the pain of loss if I leave him. That sometimes is a worse pain/fear than staying, even with all the hurt therein.

I don't want to paint the picture of things being all bad, though. Not by any means. I've never met a more attentive listener, a more caring partner, a more sensual person. But that numbness you speak of keeps it from EVER going to the next, deeper level.

I just CRAVE the romance and sweet things I know I'm missing. Flirting, kisses for no reason, telling me I look good or pretty...he never does those things and I know why, but it's still difficult. But let me tell you. I think, when you love someone like this, that is a true love. Because it isn't easy, but also, I think very worth it. May not sound like it, but I love my guy heart and soul.

 

[Anna]

Right off, let me say that he has two emotional strikes against him already. First, he is a male and we are all taught to hide our emotions.

I agree that society makes men behave this way, but women with PTSD can also experience emotional numbing even though they may not necessarily have these pressures from society.

Also people who have non combat PTSD can experience emotional numbing. The worst about being female is it is not acceptable for a woman to be cold, hard and distant, so once again you have societies "norms" working against you as it also does against men.

I like the way you used the anaesthetic. I have been emotionally numb for almost 4 mths now. It is really beginning to annoy me.

 

[aerolock1969]

Hi Butterfly and Archangel,
Great posts from both of you. Thank you. Yes I have received the grammar warnings too which are frustrating when we are simply trying to have a conversation and we are all feeling tremendous emotions. I think as long as we break our paragraphs often it is ok. Butterfly...I feel so much sympathy for you because I know exactly the level of pain and anxiety you feel. I know how hard it is to walk away from the man you love. Love is a very hard thing to walk away from.

With that said, I hear in your comments that you are not satisfied (and rightfully so!), so regardless of the nice times you have together, if he is anything like my man he will continue to cheat. You deserve alot better, as this will wear your emotional self-esteem down to nothing, and it will likely continue over and over again. If he is still hiding phone and computer, that is a sure sign. You would not believe it, but I have the exact same experience with my Man, and as many times that I ignored it (which meant ignoring MY feelings which is not good), he continued to do it. We even lived under the same roof for 1.5 yrs and he would be texting some other girl in the other room. When caught, he'd lie and put up his defense mechanism which is to tell me I can't tell him what to do & would say he doesn't want a relationship anymore and that he feels trapped. This behavior is irrational and unacceptable.

From what I read about ptsd, some of these sufferers find relaxation in sexual encounters with a stranger because there is no emotions to deal with and they enjoy the sex which takes their mind off the horrors in their mind. Soldiers with ptsd don't usually fair so well in long term relationships because they cannot handle us holding them accountable. You are 1.5 years less into this nightmare than me, and I wish so much good for you in your life. My advice is to get away from this guy at all costs (if you can...I understand the love makes it hard). I totally have the same feelings as you do in regards to his cheating costing me my self-esteem. I feel like a fool, & like you I've asked him how he'd like it if I had guys calling me in front of him and if I had gone & had sex with someone else. He strictly said he would never ever deal with me doing that. Ha! So why is it ok for them but not us? I don't know about you, but I got so caught up in the emotional HELL of all of this that I had a breakdown. I am better now, and the only way honestly was to let him go. It's the hardest thing to do but it's really the only way to get your life and your happiness and self-esteem back. Once you go through the pain of breaking it off, you will feel ALOT of relief. Dont' focus on the good things you have with him while you do this, focus on all the things that you feel are 'odd' and use that to stay away. The odd behavior will never end.

I actually went to my own therapy for the 1st time in my life, and found it incredibly helpful. There is a book about codependents that changed my life and I think you would like it too. Does your man drink alot? Mine does, which only worsens the situation. When you are a good person, it's hard to believe that there are manipulative people out there who will take advantage of your goodness, but there are. Be willing to let him go and be willing to find a man without a mental condition like this who is willing to commit. I can imagine that your ptsd would be constantly triggered by your guy's stressors toward you. I have been going through the same thing as you and decided last week finally to stay away from my fiancee, and although I've cried, I'm also relaxed and relieved for the first time in 2 yrs. My health and producton at work has been suffering due to the stress. It's not worth it! Honestly I have tried everything under the sun to make my man happy and let him forget his ptsd, but it never ever changed, only got worse over time. He finally went to therapy to try to keep us together, but even that didn't change him for the better. Good luck on your decision.

 

[aerolock1969]

Butterfly...one more thing. It might be a blessing that he does not let you 'in' any closer, because my man was wonderful to me until we lived together and got very very close emotionally. Then when his ptsd triggered, I became his target of daily aggression which was the most horrible experience, no words can describe. When you live with someone with uncontrolled ptsd, it is a nightmare. He was beautiful and charming before that, willing to help me with anything in life.

 

[ButterflyBoof]

@LindaFredericks Wow...Your post certainly hit home on several levels. I talked with my man about how he can be so cold, and do the meanest things and not even feel bad about it. Then turn around and be the most thoughtful, compassionate man I've ever met. He did not enjoy this conversation and said it made him feel awful, but that he has been fighting that fight all his life and has no clue how to change.

I told him to maybe bring it up in counseling, etc. He seemed quite reluctant. I actually understand this (though I was very disappointed) because the two things that happened to cause my PTSD are the two things I REFUSE to explore or try and heal. It is just such a deeply rooted pain that I feel like going there would be like cutting off my own arm. He too, is scared to lose this part of him even though he knows they cause him to do things he doesn't want to/shouldn't, and hurt others in the process.

He says he never wants to cheat again, he deeply desires to live in a healthy way, but doesn't know if he is "capable" of maintaining "good" behavior for a long term relationship. He told me flat out he has come to the conclusion that he is not "marriage material" nor is he "relationship material" hence, why he won't give me any kind of title or commitment.

You said: When caught, he'd lie and put up his defense mechanism which is to tell me I can't tell him what to do & would say he doesn't want a relationship anymore and that he feels trapped.

Wow...VERBATIM what my man has told me when I try and hold him to any kind of accountability. Usually this is his FIRST response, but after he has had time and space to calm down, will tell me that he's sorry, he knows he was wrong, and he doesn't want to hurt me.

And you are right. The stress of constant worry over who he is texting/skyping/emailing/calling/seeing has worn me out and caused my own PTSD to escalate. I've had two medication changes (to higher doses as well as adding a new medication for anxiety) since we met, and I am depressed much more often. It seems I can no longer be consistent with my feelings. One day I am happy and think "people who WERE committed to me and said they love me treated me like crap. "Tom" DOESN'T love me or commit to me yet he treats me great." Then the next day I am crying/wanting to break up/suspicious/fill in the blank.

I feel pathetic when I say I hear you about the need to leave him, but at this time, feel unable to do so. I just love him too much.

I know I probably SHOULD...I just don't feel "able" at this time. To answer some questions: no, he doesn't drink at all. No drugs of any kind. Refuses to take anything for depression or anxiety. Goes to a group therapy as well as one on one PTSD counseling once a month. None of it has made any real changes, that I can see. I don't think that he is totally honest even there. I asked him to discuss "us" with his PTSD counselor, and he told him I was a girl he "sees" from time to time. Completely left out that we have regular sex, spend time together every day, I work for him, we spend all our holidays together, etc.

As far as his phone/computer etc. He has gotten SOMEWHAT better about that. When the woman he had the affair with texted him, he showed me their exchange and it was more or less her saying she was upset with him for sleeping with her then dropping off the face of the earth, and him telling her he was sorry but had been up front with her that he did not want a relationship. She has not (according to him) contacted him since then.

I have asked him to cut all ties to her, but he refuses as they are professional colleagues and he is worried she will sully his good name. BIG SIGH on that one.

Maybe I am dense, but I have such a hard time believing that he's not the amazing, kind, loving person I know him to be. He is incredibly close and good to his family, his children. Always he is doing something for someone, and rarely complains. But I DO agree that you are more than likely right that it's a good thing that he won't let me in further.

I would love to be in a relationship with someone with his wonderful qualities, but who also can love me and commit to me. I don't see that happening. I rarely meet anyone of quality, and when I do, I don't seem to be the kind of woman men want to commit to. This happens a lot to me, and I am thinking that (among the fact that I am a single Mom to a young child) my own PTSD has a lot to do with this. I can be needy one day, cold and distant the next. I need a lot of personal space. I have anger issues.

I DO treat my man like a king. I love him dearly and try SO HARD to overcome all my issues and treat him the best I can. But still, I admit to being a person who is broken, who has an ugly past, and most men don't want to deal with that. They call it baggage or drama and want the women who apparently have been through NOTHING in their lives LOL

It has felt so good to express what I sometimes can't say to him, and to get others perspectives. I appreciate more than you know the fact that you care and want to spare me future heartache. However, like I said, I just love him too much to go anywhere at this time. I will certainly keep you posted.

Thank you again. I care about you, too. Let's keep in touch :)

 

[SeekingSerenity]

Here is my 2 cents worth...

My sufferer says she cant feel the emotions of love. I have seen her when she could, and it was beautiful. Then the PTSD hit her solidly, knocked her off her feet, and our relationship did actually end for a while.

I believe that its the stress-cup. A sufferer lives daily with that cup right on the brim, a single drop can cause the overflow. Allowing themselves the liberty of feeling another emotion will and does cause that cup to overflow, because there is just no space in there for it. They therefore avoid the love emotion, because its an emotion that they feel they can do without. However they may show that emotion in other ways, like looking after the person that they actually may want to feel that emotion for. Its sometimes just their way of being able to get that feeling across without the emotions.

When their cups overflow its a terrible time for them. We as sufferers that have never experienced that rawness, that terror, that total inability to have any control over ourselves; we cannot even begin to comprehend how bad it is for the sufferer. So if they need to defend themselves by not allowing the love emotion to surface, then I say let them.

BUT, and this is the BIG BUT; when we are in a committed relationship with a sufferer we do need to lay down certain boundaries. One of mine is cheating. In my relationship its a "one strike and you're out" rule. A sufferer can have a physical relationship, its different to an emotional relationship, and easier to deal with. But my rule is it will never happen outside our relationship. Thats just one of my boundaries.

Set your boundaries, you know what you will feel comfortable with. And then stick to them. Remember that your sanity is just as important as theirs, if not more so. A sick supporter can't be a good supporter.

 

[aerolock1969]

Great posts Butterfly & Seeking Serenity (SS) :) . It really helps me to talk about ptsd with you all. Butterfly, I'm glad to have run into you here on this forum because I feel like we share alot in common regarding the men we love...and it helps me to find people who are actually experiencing the same thing as me. Don't worry, I would never judge you for staying with your man...as i've been through it and still going through it (I don't know if there is ever a true ending)...and nobody can tell another person to leave someone. All we can do is be there for each other and give each other the necessary warnings to be careful of. I like what SS had to say about the Stress Cup analogy...if you haven't read it yet by Anthony, I suggest it as it was the first of a ton of readings about ptsd that made me understand how a sufferer 'thinks'.

When I was about 1 yr into my relationship, there was a friend of mine who had been in a 7 year relationship with a guy with ptsd, and she would tell me stories that I thought were CRAZY and that surely MY man would never do. I was wrong. In hindsight I wish she would have pushed me hard enough to face reality of ptsd, but instead she just said "you need to go through it". All these years later and so much stress later, I wish she would have punched me in the face to wake me up out of the 'love bubble'! LOL. She told me how her guy would disappear and not come home all night, and he cheated on her too, repeatedly. After one incidence he would swear to never to do it again. She said there was an incredible honeymoon phase after she caught him doing something bad or hurtful, then he spoiled her, then she'd let her guard down the then WAM...he'd do another horrific thing (such as cheat again). She finally left after 7 yrs and is now with a good man and she is happy. So when I tell you things a little more bluntly, just know it's because I don't want you to suffer the way I have. I know the emotional trauma that we as carers experience and there is little to nobody to talk to, so just know you can always talk to me! ;)

I love your comment: "Wow...VERBATIM what my man has told me when I try and hold him to any kind of accountability. Usually this is his FIRST response, but after he has had time and space to calm down, will tell me that he's sorry, he knows he was wrong, and he doesn't want to hurt me". Butterfly, this is VERBATIM what my man says/does too...over and over like a broken record that doesn't stop. If I had $1 for everytime he has said "I don't want to hurt you" I would be a millionare. I feel like I have been on an eternal yo-yo with him. Maybe your guy will be different but with mine, this is the essence of what has torn our love apart. Being engaged (thinking we have a secure future together), then suddenly being told out of the clear blue sky that he made a mistake and doesn't want a commitment, then when I finally walk and endure the heartbreak, he turns around and tells me he's sorry and loves me and I'm a great woman and he misses me. Then as soon as I forgive him and we have a moment of bliss together, he will throw a wrench in the system. Always.

"And you are right. The stress of constant worry over who he is texting/skyping/emailing/calling/seeing has worn me out and caused my own PTSD to escalate. I've had two medication changes (to higher doses as well as adding a new medication for anxiety) since we met, and I am depressed much more often. It seems I can no longer be consistent with my feelings. One day I am happy and think "people who WERE committed to me and said they love me treated me like crap. "Tom" DOESN'T love me or commit to me yet he treats me great." Then the next day I am crying/wanting to break up/suspicious/fill in the blank." Butterfly, I go through this EXACT same thing! I think we ARE dating the same guy...just teasing =). What you described in the paragraph is why I've reached out to you, I have gone through this painful path also. I was always a bubbly person, never had to be on any meds for anything, and ambitious person who loved health and I didn't believe in prescription pills. Well after 3.5 yrs of dealing with him, I became hooked on ambien, xanax, an anti-depressent, and started drinking too much. It was the only way I was able to deal with the emotional trauma that is/was constantly being dealt to me by the man I love so much. I was the eternal optimist, and I truly thought i could make him better and our relationship get 'back on track'. If he didn't have much stress in his life at a given point in time, he was GREAT...my best-friend and pleasant to be around. As soon as an outside stressor hit him, he would turn our relationship into a war zone, get verbally abusive, with my happiness being ignored both by him and me because I was so busy caring for him that I didn't take care of myself. It happened very very slow over a long period of time, but ultimately I could not even get out of bed, my work suffered severely (I'm lucky to not have been fired!), couldn't do simple things such as pay bills, do laundry, and all the things that I had enjoyed in life were taken away from me. Prior to him, I was always a highly ambitious, goal-oriented person with serious boundaries and would never ever let a boyfriend do the things he has done. He was so inside his own head that he never even saw the impact he was having on me.

Ultimately my experience is that when emotions start being required of them(which they always are in a relationship...and what we women NEED), that's when they pull away. Part of this is their Military training. Ask yourself if you are ready to live a life without any feelings or the things that drive a woman's very happiness...safety, security, and stability. You will likely never have these 3 things as long as you are with him, and over time it will wear you down. I got to the point where I looked at other couples and saw how in love and nicely they interacted, and I could no longer relate! That's when I knew things were out of control.

Update on my end...my fiance and I had a major fight 1.5 weeks ago where we finally said goodbye (for the 1,000 time!). I have stuck to my guns for the first time and have not talked to him. He sent me a mean email a week ago being a jerk and saying we are over with because he doesn't want to have to 'answer to me'. So I have finally stayed away...and as much as I've cried, I've had the most fun 1.5 week that I've had in a long time! No drama and no stress to drag me down, instead just hanging out with fun people who laugh and enjoy life. It feels good to be around 'life' again and remember who I was and my energy level has been much better. I'm doing great at work again.

Can you believe that as i've been typing this, he sent me an email saying how sorry he is for hurting me so much, and how much he misses and loves me. I can't help but cry because of course I love him and want to be back together with him, however I've been on this yo-yo act so many times with him that I know once I'd get back with him, he'd start the same emotional abuse all over again. It's really a hard thing, so please know that I KNOW how you feel when you say you can't leave him yet. I know.

SS mentioned laying down boundaries. This is true but also very VERY hard to do when you love someone. Like SS, I also said I would never tolerate a man cheating on me, but then he did anyway. But I loved him alot so after a big breakup and him swearing he'd never do it again, we got back together. He did it again 2 yrs later. He said that when his ptsd hits, he needs physical connection not emotional. So that's where I think the cheating comes into play...because he'll verbally abuse me which pushes me away and not want to sleep with him, so then he feels rejected and he seeks it elsewhere. It's so twisted! The way I see it, I get verbally abused out of nowhere without warning, and then cheated on without any empathy. Then he gets mad because I cry. These are not fun feelings to deal with!

Butterfly, the 2 women that my guy cheated with were also working collegues of his! Gosh our stories are so similar. There's nothing quite like getting ready for work together in the morning, knowing your man is going to work and flirting with the staff. In my case, he even called her on the phone and broke it off with her in front of me (even let me talk to her), but then she threatened to sue him for sex harass so he said he had to keep 'in touch' with her. So she would continue to text msg him which pissed me off cuz she had control over him. The situations he has put me in are emotional torture and there has been little-to-no relief.

After he ended it with this girl, 2 yrs later he hit on another girl at work that wound up being a 6-month relationship...behind my back! All the while telling me how great I am and how much he loves me, taking me to nice dinners, helping me around the house, hanging out with my family, etc, etc. It wasn't until 4 nights before we were going on a fun cruise together that I got a call out of the clear blue (while I was at dinner with him) from a strange woman telling me she's been seeing him for 6 months. My world fell out from under me! I asked her when she saw him because he was with me every night until about 9pm and he spent the night at my house every friday. He and I both worked the same 8-5pm shift so I didn't see any way he could have found time to cheat. She said she worked late shift and didn't get off work until 11pm...so she would go to his house a few nights a week at 11pm. It's been 4 months since that happened and there's been many emotions (all horrible ones!) to live through. He did the same thing as before by telling her in front of me that he didn't want anything to do with her and that he loved me and wanted to work things out with me. Do you see how the cycle never ends? I hope you don't suffer this same experience, but him telling you he won't commit is almost giving him an easy-out because if he does go out with someone else, all he has to say is "well I told you I don't want a commitment so I can see who I want".

I've finally gotten back on my feet (off the prescriptions and starting to sleep again) and although we've still seen each other, he still hides his phone and is not accountable...which at this point is unacceptable to me. It's really really hard to walk away. The more time invested, the harder it gets.

 

[aerolock1969]

Hi all, please note I just changed my username from Linda to "Aerolock1969". :tup:

 

[Archangel]

Well, ladies this is the guy's take on other guys.

Cheating.

Right off, I think this is a major difference between us. We have external genitalia that kind of makes sex like touching someone. Ladies, however, literally and figuratively have to open up to let the guy in. This makes sex intrusive for you but not for us. Most men are taught to think nothing about it and simply have fun. In fact, I was told, when I was younger, to simply have fun with women and not get caught, meaning getting them pregnant. I think between the fact that it is not as an intrusive act as it is for you, and how we are raised, it causes us to think differently about sex, and therefore commitment. I don't think this applies to all men, but certainly for the majority.

When you suddenly switch the sex act around, and in this case I'm referring to a prostate exam, it suddenly becomes much more personal to us. After all, we are opening up and accepting something in the same way that women have to normally. We immediately start thinking about how homosexual it is and other things, that we don't normally think about. If we happen to be homosexual, then it seems to be less intrusive because of the male on male interactions that are experienced. It is never the same, just like many women do not like female gynecologists, but the male distance issue suddenly disappears. Yes, I know that many women can have sex just like males do, emotionlessly, but this tends to be a mental aspect either due to training or trauma. Of course, the sexual boundaries are changing drastically today and homosexuality is becoming considerably more open and experiment with.

Alcohol/drinking.

I think that most men self medicate with alcohol, with others following with illegal drugs, as a way of coping with how we are raised to deal with what we feel. Almost every veteran that I know has an alcohol problem. Maybe it is the class of veterans that I deal with that diminishes the amount of illegal substance abuse, but then maybe they are good at hiding it.

For me, it's distressing to think back on the things I have done, especially when I believed in them, and not want something to make the pain go away. Alcohol is a quick fix. In fact, alcohol tends to be what the majority of us go to to relax or almost anything else. Men are notorious for using it to have sex with women who would not normally be willing to have sex. You might say that it's the original date rape drug. But, all it really does is distract us temporarily. You either stay drunk or you risk having the memories come flooding back. However, once you reach a certain point, the memories can break through nonetheless. And in this case, they may be even more traumatic/disturbing that if you just faced them to begin with.

I guess I was lucky to have been raised in a family where alcoholism was present. The men in my family abused alcohol, and died early, leaving the women to raise me with a very negative view of alcohol. I was between the ages of seven and 10 when I had my first beer. I still remember how sick I got off of it, and even today I cannot stand the taste of beer. Actually, it's more than just beer. I haven't tried Mead, but I suspect that it would also taste like warm urine. I can drink rum, tequila, absenth, and even whiskey, but I have never done so beyond about 50 mL. My guess would be that the amount of sake that I have consumed is about to same. According to my late wife, the sake made me very relaxed. I am rather certain that any of the beverages put me over the legal BAC content. I simply do not self medicate like most of us do. No doubt, most of this is due to my being a Type A Personality. I simply do not like being out of control.

I honestly believe that a lot of our, meaning men, problem is a lack of self-control. We are raised, basically, to be dominant and in charge and having boundaries set is a challenge that we cannot resist. Even if we know, consciously, that it is wrong to do something, we still have to deal with that part of us that pushes us to do it anyway. In the case of sex, we see nothing wrong with it, even in marriage, because we do not take it as person as women do. We are naturally detached, much like how we shake hands or how women hug, and did not think anything of it. So, when our partners freak out over us having sex with someone else, we see it as intruding on who we are. It's almost as if our partner was giving us a prostate exam, and being intrusive, to which we feel violated or offended. When you add in that we don't think too much of sexually transmitted diseases and have no worries of getting pregnant, it is really hard for us to understand what the big deal is about.

I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2000, one year after I married my wife. I had several opportunities to cheat on her, but I did not. I'm not saying that I'm better than any other man, but that I simply considered her feelings before my own. In other words, if I had relations with this woman, be she a prostitute or just another woman, what would be the results. How would my wife feel, would I catch any STDs, would this woman get pregnant, and so on. Possibly because I was taught to think things through, and always have a plan of action, I was able to talk myself out of doing such things. Trust me, it's not always easy when that mood hits you and you have someone willing to act on it, regardless of who she is. There are always repercussions of your actions, that most of us do not think about them until it is too late. At this can include how bad it hurts us after we do something stupid. Yes, both men and PTSD sufferers can feel regret/remorse for doing something after the fact. Sometimes, that is what we beat ourselves up the most over.