PTSD Symptoms You Are Dealing With Now

[Jeremiah Johnson]

I admittedly was tired when I wrote that but I think what I was referring to was how much the imagination is playing a part in the development of the PTSD. I had someone do a particularly peculiar act in front of me which was horrific but at the same time rather comical in truth. Someone who is truly raped is obviously not comical at all and it takes no imagination on the persons part as the crime is astronomical in nature.

 

[ams]

I get so mad when people throw around rape-related comments in a joking manner. Or sarcastic. Or anything. It's so frustrating and they always get defensive saying what the definition of 'rape' is, thus proving they can use a sentence like "the credit card company is raping me" accurately. Just because it's in the dictionary, that does NOT mean it is socially acceptable/correct and it does NOT mean I will hesitate punching that person's face in for being such an arrogant jerk.

People who don't know me/my past might be lucky enough to not face my wrath, but those who DO know me and know what happened and still make those kinds of remarks will quickly be expunged from my life.

 

[vallie000]

Trying to reduce terror feelings from a new memory that's been surfacing over the space of 10 days. Afraid to move physically. I'm frozen.

 

[vallie000]

Finally, a good day after 12 bad days. Feeling hopeful but anxious. Near-death new memory surfaced. Today, tested the waters of physical movement/coming alive. So far, so good; no new memory pieces and only moderate anxiety.

 

[Lexa]

Loneliness. I have chosen to build these walls and worked at isolating myself meticoulously..brick by brick. Now I dont know how to tear them down.

 

[cat]

Lexa

The only way to break down your wall is to take it apart the same way you built it, brick by brick. Your wall probably took many years to build, I know mine did, so this is something that will take time to do but is essential to your recovery. As my psych once said to me ' Get yourself out there'! I know its hard but this needs to be attacked 'face on'.

It also takes a lot of strength and courage that we don't realise we have until we put it into action. Attempt one brick at a time, take a deep breath & go for it, work on it daily, ring a friend, say good morning to a neighbour, have a friend round for coffee, then praise or treat yourself each time you achieve your goals. I dread to think how many slices of cake i've eaten in the last year but rewarding myself has helped me to understand the importance of being kind to myself, even if I have put on a few pound in the process!

Good luck with your 'wall', there are always people here to talk to, you may even find a ptsd sufferer in your area, peer support is so important to get you through this. Feel free to PM me if you would some support, my wall is much smaller now!

 

[anni]

Avoidance. It's the single, biggest, ugliest, most freakish and intrusive re-routed wire in there. One would suspect it has an awful lot to do with the whole isolation impulse, also.

It's bill paying day and I've set my time to get things rolling. The finances are there, it's making myself do it every month for convoluted reasons trailing all the way back to an almost 2 decade old series of traumas. I'll actually not eat breakfast these days since it won't be there long.... :) One gets out the tools, engages in those coping skills and gets it done though. My T said it would get easier and so far it just hasn't. He's been very correct about so many things I'll just trust him on this! I'm NOT looking forward to tonight's migraine.

Ok, I've now deteriorated into whining, it seems, when others are far worse off here! It's just terribly helpful to come here, address the dam thing 'out loud', and make a move. Even when there's not a reply, one can 'drop off' one's PTSD dreck here on the doorstep and perhaps go deal with the world a little lighter.

 

[anni]

Hahahaha! It's only a few minutes later but JUST did it and am feeling smug. That on-line 'click here' thing is great since one can at least not look at things with dollar signs on them for very long.

Sorry to contribute something SO boring to the thread. :) It's just the WORST PTSD manifestation when it comes around and has had some severe consequences. None 'out here' understands how the furniture in our heads in arranged, so to speak.

I'm going to look around for some dragon to go slay now because that felt GREAT! Well I would if I had a sword but my husband doesn't let me handle sharp objects since that 'How not to hold a bagel while cutting it-ER incident a few years ago'.

 

[emmat]

Urgh. Just dealing with post flashback numbness by trying to keep myself distracted. This one really knocked me for six, now I'm too scared to go in my kitchen :-(

 

[anni]

I don't know if it's helpful to use 'tools' when it's like that, but sometimes, when it's tough to get outside the door ( a traditional 'spot'-directly outside any dam door ) I take my riding crop. It's hanging on the mirror by the door. I hate not being able to own my own dam doorstep, and I'm sorry someone managed to make your kitchen not yours anymore. Maybe there's some tool you could bring yourself to get ahold of to get those horrible 'ghosts' out of there when that happens. It works sometimes.

 

[Lexa]

I finally told my therapist about "the door" leading into his office. Unfortunately it is almost identical to the walkway and doorway where I was assaulted. It took about 5 sessions of me in full panic mode before he asked me what was bothering me and I related the door to him. He asked if he should go in first and I said no..let me go in first..I need to do this. Now many sessions later, I am able to go through that door without an increase in anxiety.

 

[ams]

It's amazing how many things remind me of those guys. Down to cigarette brand. My friend smokes the same cigarettes. I hate that. For once I'd like to be in an environment that doesn't have any triggers. People, accents, how people walk, vocal pitch, what the person says, what cigarettes they smoke, tv showss, movies, everything. Unfortunately I DATED those guys, so everything that was part of their personality is now a trigger.