Relationship Ptsd War Veteran's Girlfriend - Can This Relationship Survive?

[katie667]

First of all, I want to apologies for my English, but it’s the best forum site about PTSD, and I cant find better one In my mother language. I am not sure I post this note in good thread.

My boyfriend is immigrant from Ukraine, suffer from PTSD. He took part in two Euromaidans, and war in Donieck Region. He was fighting, was injured, see his friends is dyeing. From few months he lives in Poland. When I meet him, he seems to be broken inside, but positive and very good man. He suffer from nightmares, problems with sleeping, depression, scared, flashbacks, aggression etc. But I tried to support him, be near. He told me, he needs therapy, but it’s too expensive. I tried to find any therapy for PTSD veterans but the nearest is in Kiev, Ukraine but he cant back then at the moment.

Step by step last months, it seems to be better: less problems with sleeping, better mood, better focus. But suddenly he started to be more and more aggressive last times. He started to argue about stupid things, shout to me, be offensive to me. I was shocked when he told me “f*ck off”. I listen that I am egoistic, totally valueless person. Sometimes he apologise and he feel ashamed. That happen several times, sometimes he throw things in room, beat his hands in the air or shake my shoulders. I forgive him many times, but day by day, its make me sad and depressed. Is it normal to say "f*ck off" to your girlfriend? :( He know, that he have problems with controlling bad emotions and it hurts me. I know I cant judge him like other people, I know from where this aggression come from. But I feel it destroys my physic. I love him so much, want to be support for him, but I cant stand when he disrespect and offend me. I really don’t know what to do. I feel to weak for this relationship but I cant break up with him. I feel alone with my problem, because I can't find any person to talk about this kind of trouble.

I will be grateful for any advice :(

 

[Friday]

Welcome Katie!

These two things would be very good for both of you to read

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/understanding-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd.86476/

The Ptsd Cup Explanation

If he speaks English, also, this site here plus Link Removed (veterans only, sister-site to here) could be very good resources. Like here, it's vets from countries and wars all over the world.

It's very difficult for relationships to survive PTSD. In the 'Supporters' section you will find a great many people struggling to do just that. Sometimes it's possible, sometimes it's possible but not smart, and sometimes it's just not possible. You are not alone.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome to the forum.

But suddenly he started to be more and more aggressive last times. He started to argue about stupid things, shout to me, be offensive to me. I was shocked when he told me “f*ck off”.

Is it normal to say "f*ck off" to your girlfriend

Lashing out can be a symptom of PTSD. Sufferers can get overwhelmed with stress, and take it out on the people closest to them. PTSD may be the reason they do it, but it is not a good excuse. It is something that he is going to have to work on if the relationship is going to survive. You can also learn to set boundaries with him. You do not have to listen to him say mean things or be aggressive with you.

 

[Lmm]

Hi Katie,
My vet is also a good person but says really mean things to me too. Things used to be normal but got worse over time an now he is mean most of the time, acts like I can't do anything right, and our relationship is pretty much over. My vet won't get help or even admit he needs help. If your vet will admit it I think you have some hope. If he can't find affordable help do research and have him do research, there's lots of info out there that might be able to lend some help. I hope things get better for you and you're not alone.

 

[katie667]

Thanks for advices and support.

Everything going to the end. We were putting the blame on each other long time. I broke up with him and cant stop love him. After that he told he needs time, and later we will be talking what about us. I am broken inside. To many bad words, verbal abuse and aggression. I know I am not perfect girlfriend, and maybe he needs somebody more patient, girl with nerves of steel and lot of attention. I cant live under stress all the time. Sometimes I think I am killing this relationship because I can't be enough quiet and calm when he is not. Or still thinking about this vulgarism addressed to me, and cant forgive him.

The biggest problem is he refuse all the time, when I please him to go to psychologist. He don't want to accept the fact he needs therapy, cuz he is sure that yoga and running solve all our problems. For sure, that is good for this concentration and make he has flashback less often but thats all. He cant get fight his physic only by himself. I also dont know how to fend it for myself.