Pushing People Away

[Jlso111187]

I don't know why I keep pushing people away. I do what I can to help people out and am usually very nice but yet when I have a bad day it makes them walk out away.

The ones who stay know why I have good days and know the signs of a bad day so they try not to get in my path. It's not like I asked to be like this and this disorder is not something I want the whole world knowing about.

It makes me feel like I should come with a warning label. But yet when they have bad days I don't walk out of their lifes I do what I can to help. I don't know anymore I'm just done trying to help people and getting close because it always ends the same way....

Them walking out of mine and my kids lifes and me feeling like its always my fault.

 

[safenow]

when I have a bad day it makes them walk out away.

OH man, can I relate. I thought I was the only one.

The good thing is, here, there are people who understand. And it does help to talk about it. It is not your fault. It goes with having PTSD. You are not alone.

 

[Jlso111187]

Thank you because right now I'm sitting here balling.

I posted because I know that everyone here can relate.

I just wish it wasn't so hard.

 

[safenow]

If you allow them, I'm sending you a safe, gentle hug (((( Jlso ))))

 

[71nothing]

I can understand that. I feel like I am always there for others but if I were to let anyone know how I truly feel they would run hard and fast away from me. That is why I keep people at a safe distance and never share anything about me or my feelings with anyone.

 

[safenow]

I truly feel they would run hard and fast away from me. T

either that or mock and make fun. At least that is what I found. But since I've been here, I feel differently.

 

[Jlso111187]

I try to keep people a safe distance but even then I have too big of a heart and always get hurt.

I too, have found people mocking me and this disorder telling me to suck it up and get over it. Thus is why I have dealt with it for 13 years no medicine but I'm to the point where nothing that I used to do is working so I know its about time I quit fighting the inevitable and get meds. That's why I have an appointment on the 5th of March.

I have found that the Hip Hop artist SoldierHard helps. He was a tanker and has PTSD from his tours in Iraq. His music is about the military and PTSD. When I'm down his music puts me in a little bit better mood.

 

[WillyKat]

I feel like I am always there for others but if I were to let anyone know how I truly feel they would run hard and fast away from me.

I sure know that feeling. In fact, some people do run away, but that's because they have issues themselves and / or they feel that they would not know what to say.

 

[hostagesoul]

I've heard that I push people away as well, I see this is common. This is not intentional, right? It isn't for me...

There's so much guilt and shame with this illness! It is not our fault though...

 

[Joseph_PDX]

I don't know why I keep pushing people away. I do what I can to help people out and am usually very nice but yet when I have a bad day it makes them walk out away.

This sentence reminds me a lot of my Exgirlfriend. She was extremely solicitious to people, and often overextended herself helping our her friends. But she would also have bad days like any PTSD sufferer. And as a supporter I know very well the pressure to "leave" as it were. We get exposed to a lot of pain ourselves. It takes a LONG time for us who don't suffer to learn and understand better what's going on and to not judge what we may be hearing from a loved one by the same standards as someone who hasn't been traumatized.

I would want to give you hope that not all people run away. And though my girlfriend and I broke up, and have mutually chosen to not try to reengage our romance. I still remain a part of her life and care for her as a dear friend. But getting to that place has NOT been easy for us... and has taken time, a lot of energy and frankly a fair dose of luck that we survived the acrimony.

I sure know that feeling. In fact, some people do run away, but that's because they have issues themselves and / or they feel that they would not know what to say.

I agree with Willy. There are not that many "supporters" who know what to say or what do. That's why I've found this forum invaluable. I would have never tolerated half of what my Ex said to me if I didn't have the perspective of how she was really suffering. Perhaps suggest to your loved ones that they read about PTSD here? That way you don't have to open yourself to be scrutinized so directly?

Don't give up hope on being understood and loved. There are people who will stick around. Just be as patient with them as they are trying to be with you. :-)