Question about EMDR modalities - EMDR in 90 second bursts?

[Ecdysis]

So, I've been in a months long impasse with my (new-ish) therapist where talk therapy has simply not been working at all. It's come to a head recently and it became clear, there's no point continuing with it in this way.

I've started looking for alternative therapy options (which are limited here, cos I live very rurally).

Anyway, in the mean time, several people have recommended I just try doing EMDR with this trauma therapist, until I've found a replacement.

We had the first session of trying-EMDR-cos-talk-therapy's-really-not-working today (tho I've tried EMDR with this therapist previously too).

I have a question about the EMDR modality he's using tho...

This T does EMDR in conjunction with art therapy.

So, first, you draw a picture of a good/ safe space. And then he lets the EMDR light run for about 1-2 minutes. Then you describe any feelings, mental images or body sensations that came up.

Then, you draw a picture of the "problem" or "issue" that you want to work on. Again, he lets the EMDR light run for about 90 seconds and then asks you what feelings, images or sensations came up.

Then, you draw a picture to represent whatever came up in response to the the problem and again, EMDR lights for 90 seconds or so and again, you report back.

This T's usual method for this EMDR-art-therapy-combination is not using the EMDR light, but using the auditory signals or hand paddles, as you gaze at the picture you drew. I've never had any luck with the auditory or hand EMDR thingees, so I asked him to try and set up the EMDR light so I could place the picture(s) just below it. It sort of worked and sort of didn't.

My main issue with his technique is that I find 1-2 minutes way too short for each round. I find it takes me a few minutes to even settle down and open up to the process and get into the right headspace for it. And knowing the EMDR light will only be going for about 90 seconds or so, puts additional "pressure" on me and I find I can get into that headspace even more poorly.

I dunno...

I mean, it "sort of" worked today... We did come up with some sort of semi-useful results... (Which is more than I can say for the talk therapy we've tried...)

So, I guess I should sort of stick with that and see where it goes? Or talk to him about making those intervals a bit longer? Maybe 5 minutes? Or if that doesn't work, then try doing EMDR without the picture drawing? Or with less than 3 pictures per session?

I dunno... I mean, I was able to draw quite quickly... It took me about a minute or two to figure out each time, what I wanted to draw and I was done drawing within about 2-3 minutes. It's just a symbolic representation of the issue, not some detailed, intricate drawing.

Maybe next session, we can dive into it quicker and I can try and ask him to make the intervals longer...

Ugh... sigh... I dunno... The rapport between us is still kind of crappy... It doesn't feel like we gel at all... When he wanted to use the acoustic signals/ hand paddles and I said that those definitely don't work for me, I felt like he was rolling his eyes because I was "being difficult". Ugh... I try to be as accomodating and solution-oriented as I can be, but what on earth would be the point of doing something that I know won't work for me? And when he set up the EMDR lamp, it was really crooked (so the light bar was on quite an incline) and I politely asked if we could straighten it up a little. I don't need it to be exactly level (and it wasn't, even after he "fixed" it) but it being completely lopsided and needlessly so, seemed like an okay thing to politely ask to straighten up a little. Sigh... It's just all those little things... That I know would be absolutely fine and a total non-issue if we had a halfway decent rapport... But because we don't, even these small things seem to grate both on me and on him. (I'm not imagining his eye-roll-ish responses... I don't even care enough whether he likes me or not, to be honest, to be "imagining" him having a poor rapport with me... I view him as a trained therapist who gets paid by my insurance to provide a service. I view him as a decent person and a decent therapist and I put in a lot of effort to be a decent patient/ client. But I don't want/ need for us to be "friends". I just want a decent rapport of basic mutual respect and enough interpersonal "warmth" for want of a better word, for therapy to work and us both to feel okay and comfortable doing it.)

 

[arfie]

Ugh... I try to be as accomodating and solution-oriented as I can be, but what on earth would be the point of doing something that I know won't work for me?

in my own case, challenging my own prejudices has been a HUGE part of my recovery. child prostitution creates some mighty warped core values which need to be challenged. often, my more deeply rooted distortions don't respond to a tool on the first go-round. in the cases where multiple attempts with a particular method failed consistently, i still keep an open mind about them. i change continually with the healing process. last decade's disaster just might be this decade's breakthrough. even the disasters have had merit in my case. they teach me how to work through disasters.

 

[Ecdysis]

Hey @arfie nice to see you

I dunno, the being-open-minded thing is a double edged sword, in my experience.

I'm actually very open-minded about things like that generally (when I'm not having a very symptomatic day).

But I've really had that used against me in the past, in subtle and not so subtle ways. Being open-minded can also be a synonym for not having proper/ adequate bounaries in place. And some people really tune into that, if you send them a signal of weak boundaries and take it as an invitation to trample across them, no end.

I can't begin to count how many times I've been railroaded in poor therapy settings into "trying something" and I've agreed to try it, even tho I was pretty sceptical and relatively sure that it would be a bad fit. But I'd try it and if/ when it wouldn't work, and I'd attempt to say "Well, I've tried it, but it's a bad fit for me, so let's please try the next thing" there's huge push-back and quite aggressive and insistent pressuring that "You haven't tried long enough" or "You didn't try properly" or "You don't even know that it's a bad fit" or "You don't even know what's good for you".

All kinds of shitty gas-lighty boundary pushing crap... Which, if I'd just stuck to my freaking boundaries in the first place, I'd not have been subjected to.

I'm not talking about generally trying new things... What I'm talking about is knowing something's a poor fit, having strong instincts about it that you can trust, and it not just being some kind of defensive "excuses" your brain is making up to avoid something... and then being railroaded into that stuff anyway, because you allow your boundaries to be as firm as a wet paper bag...

That's really served me poorly in the past and led to lots of trauma-reenactment type scenarios...

 

[arfie]

the being-open-minded thing is a double edged sword, in my experience.

amen, i say unto thee, amen. i still often wish i hadn't been open-minded enough to try diving off the bridge into the trailer park drainage ditch. 50 years later, i still get the heebeegeebees when reminded. it's good to keep an open mind but not so open that your brain falls out.

I'm actually very open-minded about things like that generally (when I'm not having a very symptomatic day).

when it comes to healing, i trust my heart more than my head. let the heart guide, let the head decide. why ask why?