Question For Those Who Have Processed Their Trauma

[Seasounds]

So the next question would be, how much of these three areas of growth and change comes directly from the processing, and how much from the stabilisation and skills learning that goes around it?

I think it is all related; especially if one lives with the intention to let the processing discoveries and freedoms move them towards making healthier choices.

 

[anthony]

I still have problems with triggers setting me off, sometimes for the smallest of reasons.

Don't worry mate... they get less and less with ongoing work at them. Time helps... but not for everything obviously. Nice.

 

[BlueOrange]

These days, my 'really bad days' are significantly better than my 'really good days' were in 2003.

Pain levels are down. Irrational anger is down, to the point where I find that I'm unlikely to act on it - I'm more likely to start feeling irrationally angry and think "This doesn't make a lot of sense, I'm not going to act on it." At the lowest point, I had 3 people that I could talk to (at all). Now, I have a wife, a best friend, several really good friends, 3 business partners, and more people than I can count who would be my friends if I had time to invest in those relationships.

It's 10 years since I've had serious suicidal thoughts, and my tendency towards self-harm is significantly down. When I do have negative urges, I'm handling them with less difficulty and better outcomes than before. (My right arm used to form a fist and thrust forward in a punching motion, much to the distress of my conscious mind. Yesterday, for the first time, it tingled gently instead of activating the muscles.)

I've processed a lot of my stuff. Told myself that I'd done everything a couple of times. There's still some stuff there. And I'm better at processing my stuff than I was - I have a pretty good idea of how to get started with it, although I find that I still need the help of my therapist when I encounter something and I don't have a strategy for processing that particular memory/event/persona yet.

So, yeah, I'm back here after a period of absence because I'm having difficulty coping again. And I'm finding that a lot less distressing than I used to. Because it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.

 

[BlueOrange]

So the next question would be, how much of these three areas of growth and change comes directly from the processing, and how much from the stabilisation and skills learning that goes around it?

The stabilisation and skills learning is the thing that has my enduring focus, and processing is something that I do when I don't have any alternative - I don't enjoy it, and I prefer to avoid it. To the extent that I'm able to structure my life so that I don't encounter triggers, I do that (avoiding toxic relationships, etc). Right now, I'm processing because there's a part that equates 'feeling safe' with 'being in danger', and I've decided that I want to be able to feel safe.

One enables the other. You can't process if you don't have a stable environment, and the skills to cope with the stuff that comes out of the processing. As you stabilize your environment and develop skills, you reach points where you're trying to learn something or improve something, but unprocessed stuff forms a barrier between yourself and the improvement. You then have a choice:

1. Accept that you're not going to achieve the improvement that you want
2. Process the stuff that's in the way

And it really is a choice (my therapist has reminded me of that from time to time). Maybe the improvement isn't worth the difficulty. Maybe the improvement is worth the difficulty, but you don't have the resources needed to overcome the difficulty.

 

[ghotiff]

I hope this question does not derail the thread.

What does processing mean to those in this thread....eg talking through all the horrible details with therapist?

 

[BlueOrange]

What does processing mean to those in this thread....eg talking through all the horrible details with therapist?

For me, 'processing' means 'working to come to terms with'. So, to pick one of my more obvious things, I have a leg that I broke when I was 12, and I didn't get treatment for it until the next day. I'm still angry with my parents for making me walk on it and denying medical treatment for as long as they did.

• I can deliberately and intentionally try to process that by saying, "Well, I'm in a state where I've decided to do some processing, and so I'm going to actively remember the events and/or how I felt at the time, and recognize that things are different now, and to make contact with the part which is connected to that event, and to help that part to cope, and to rejoin the rest of me."

• I can accidentally find myself processing that by being reminded or triggered (like I am right now - yeah, 'come up with a concrete example', that was clever!), and then saying "Well, since the part connected to that event is in my consciousness now, I'm going to let myself remember the events and/or how I felt at the time, and recognize that things are different now, and to help that part to cope, and to rejoin the rest of me."

• I can cope without processing - I can avoid hurting myself further, and also avoid making contact with the difficult scary bits, and make an effort to continue with what I was going to do anyway (and there's a fair bit of that in what I'm doing right now as well).
• I can dissociate (which is not processing, but it's an option) by turning on the TV, or playing games, or following whatever escape path works for me.
• I can re-traumatize (which is what I always used to do, but which I rarely do today) by feeling and expressing anger towards the trapped part, building up a self-image or worthlessness, and driving the part back into hiding.

The things which promote long-term health are at the beginning of that list. The only one that's really bad is the last one, the others are all valid responses, depending on the resources (including time and energy) that are available.

Speaking of which, I think I've done enough work and processing for a little while, and I'm going to find a way to relax that minimizes my exposure to triggers. Probably more 'dissociating' than truly relaxing at the moment, because I'm tired and I've been working hard, and 'truly relaxing' can be a trigger. Don't know - 'truly relaxing' does seem quite appealing.

 

[shimmerz]

'working to come to terms with'

Really great posting. All of it. Thanks @BlueOrange.

 

[ladee]

Thank you @BlueOrange, you summed up what I was trying to say. Very well put. Thank you for making it more clear.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm so glad there is hope! It's good that you can identify how you have moved on.

It sounds though there...

(Sorry, I am having difficulties quoting just certain lines. I need to figure out how to do it.)

The trauma memories just being regular memories definitely came from processing. I learned almost all of my coping skills before processing was attempted.

Self management came out of skills acquisition for the most part.

Being in a place where I can use my skills and can cope with setbacks, well both skills and processing were needed to get to this point. No processing? I'd still be running around trying to tame the effects of the trauma memories. No skills? The memories wouldn't be bad but I also wouldn't be able to move toward a more functioning place. I wasn't able to move my coping skills to the next level until processing was finished. (By 'next level' I mean more of a higher proficiency level of existing skills rather than learning new skills.)

 

[EveHarrington]

I hope this question does not derail the thread.

What does processing mean to those in this thread.......

My processing involved a lot of different ways (multiple therapeutic modalities) of completely telling my story from start to end so that my mind could move from constantly re-living the trauma to knowing/feeling/believing it is in the past. So for me it is a matter of moving out of the past (mentally). If only my physical symptoms would go away, I'd be golden! But, PTSD is like a bell, it can't be "un-rung".

 

[tgt]

Some key words here in the comments are how it is for me today. I see things as and adult. I am not powerl...

What caused you to finally get help with your PTSD? Was there a tipping point?

 

[ladee]

I got clean and sober thru rehab in '84 and went off the rails... was no longer self medicating and had to get help or die..... I was a new beginning in many ways...
Are you seeking help @tgt??