Question - Please Help

[Skye3]

I have been diagnosed with PTSD for the past several months and am receiving weekly counseling as well as medication (for depression, anxiety and insomnia). I have had flashbacks fairly routinely. Sometimes they are frequent and other times, they seem to wane.

However, my biggest concern is that twice, something happened that I don't know what to call it. The first time, it began with overwhelming anxiety, so much so that I just kept detaching more and more and didn't really know what was going on around me. I know that it lasted a long time. Someone came over in the middle of it and it took hours before things settled. I don't remember hardly anything that happened, only very vague glimpses. It terrified me. This first instance was several weeks ago. It happened again yesterday. It wasn't anything I could stop and I think I was only vaguely aware of what was around me. I know that my counselor called during that time and I spoke with her, but do not remember the conversation. She called someone to stay with me and within a few hours, it was over.

The friend who stayed with me stated that I was not able to speak while this was happening. She said it almost seemed like a panic attack on steroids, but I was very detached an unaware of what was going on around me. I remember being on the floor and having little control of my body that I couldn't keep still.

Please, can someone tell me what this is? What happened to me? Am I crazy???

 

[Eleanor]

This sounds like an anxiety attack. No you are not crazy - when bodies get into a severe enough stress state, they shut down. That's sane. Have you talked to your counsellor about this? Also, have you ever been looked at by a neurologist? It also could sound like a seizure of some kind.. or it could be that you dissociated... None of it is crazy, but obviously you'd vastly prefer that it not happen again. To find an effective strategy you'll need to talk about it enough, get enough clues to figure out what exactly was going on and address it.

Repeat: This does not mean you are Crazy.

It is a symptom. The question is: of what?

Sending you calm, clear, energy and a sprit of detection...

 

[Skye3]

Thank you! My counselor called in the middle of it. Someone had called her apparently and told her I wasn't okay. I don't know that I made sense while on the phone with her, but gave her the phone number of a friend who she called to come over. I think they talked and the possibility of hospitalization came up if I couldn't come out of it (I didn't know any of that at the time), but eventually I did. It bothers me a lot that I can't remember just about anything at all for that couple of hours. I want to ask the friend what happened, but am nervous about it.

I haven't seen a neurologist. I kind of felt the panic coming since the evening before and tried all I could to get it under control, but I felt it building through the morning, and then everything just kind of crashed. My friend did say that I wasn't able to get any words out, though I must have tried. I don't know.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Go to a gp and get a referral to someone who specializes in the areas you are suffering from. I am sure this is terrifying you and you need to get a handle on it. I have not experienced this one myself, but I tend to agree with Eleanor. You are not alone, and you are not crazy. There will be answers to your questons and you will get help with this. MY heart goes out to you as you struggle with these occurances. I hope you get help soon. I am glad you have a good therapist who is trying to help you.

 

[Skye3]

Thank you! I am afraid of being referred to a psychiatrist. Right now the meds are prescribed by my gp in consultation with my counselor who specializes only in r*pe ptsd, but if there are new symptoms, I'm afraid she will refer me to a psychiatrist. I don't know why that scares me so much, but it does!

 

[maddog]

Hi Skye3.

I absolutely understand why you are so scared about being referred to a psychiatrist, I vividly remember feeling exactly the same way, and how terrified and insulted I felt when my psychologist first suggested it. So it's ok to be scared...

But it's also, in this case, important to try to overcome that. Psychiatrists are just medical specialists whose area of expertise includes situations and medical conditions which *may* (and obviously I'm not wanting to speculate too much) be at the heart of why these horribel and frightening incidents are happening to you. The truth is that if you've been diagnosed with PTSD and are being prescribed meds to control its symptoms, then it's probably a good idea and a logical progression for you to consult with a psychiatrist anyway, and I do think it's something your GP would be responsible to recommend at this point.

The first step, in my opinion, is to explain the incidents in as much detail as you can to your GP, and perhaps to ask your friend who was present to give some observations as well. I know it's awkward and uncomfortable to ask her about this, but it would be really useful to have an independent view of exactly how you were reacting, what you were doing physically, verbally etc, how long the incident lasted etc - these things are going to be critical to any medical professional trying to assess what's going on.

It may well be that the incident is directly anxiety/panic-related, or it may be that there is some other medical issue at play, or perhaps a combination of both. Whichever way, you deserve some appropriate inquiries to be made and to have some answers, for your own peace of mind, and I really do think that as daunting as it is to ask such confronting questions of yourself, knowing is always more empowering than not knowing.

I really am sorry this is happening to you, it sounds most frightening and distressing and I hope you get some answers soon. Don't be afraid to reach out for support - emotional support is as important as medical intervention, and you'll find that here, and hopefully through your counsellor, your friends etc.

Oh, and did I remember to also say you're definitely not crazy?

Maddog

 

[Springer80]

Hi Skye,

Just wanted to ask which country your in? Also, it helped me alot looking into the biological impact of ptsd. I have been referred to psychiatrists before, personally I didn't rate them. Don't take their advice as gospel. PTSD is something which requires a trauma specialist, neurologist/ adrenal specialist. Don't be fobbed off. Your not going mad, ptsd is treated as a mental condition but its mainly physiological with hormonal imbalances that can cause neurobiological sequences which result in what look like 'mental' symptoms.

This of course is my own opinion of my own experience. What I'm saying is that alot of places aren't up to speed on how to treat ptsd, so don't just go accepting things which make you feel bad because ' a dcotor' told you.

I dont think your crazy either. Get alot of rest, sounds like you need it. Take Care XXX:hug:

PS. Don't be ashamed and don't listen to anyone who says that your mad.

 

[Skye3]

I had a chance to talk to my friend who came over at some point while this was all happening. Apparently, she was on the phone with my counselor several times during the afternoon and evening. She said that it lasted at least five hours and that I was not exactly like a panic attack. She said that the counselor told her that the anxiety level had reached a point that I was dissociating. I don't remember almost anything at all during any of that time. She said that mostly, I wasn't able to speak at all, but then after a few hours, I kept trying to talk and the more I finally was able to get words out, the more it seemed to settle me. I will see the counselor on Wednesday and am very embarrassed about it all.

I AM under a lot of stress. A lot of the abuse from the past is coming up for the first time, and I am struggling to know what to do with it. Also, one of the situations became a legal report and I have been threatened for making the report. I feel like I don't really know how to walk down this road. It is so hard. They aren't things that can be talked about with people I know in person. There is no way they would understand - both the PTSD and the abuse.

Thank you all for your encouragement!

 

[Springer80]

(((((Take care Skye3 :hug:)))))))

Please don't be embarrassed and I agree with you that you should talk to people who can understand and support you because this is hard enough without trying to educate others too. That said for those around you who care and want to learn and support you, let them.

 

[Eleanor]

Hang in there Skye3. Your feelings are your feelings, but you can test the beliefs that drive them - and would you think someone in a similar position *ought* to be embarrassed? (I'm guessing not.) Then you need not be either.

Be gentle with yourself, and get rest whenever you can...

 

[matthios]

Ok, I'm going to take this in a very different direction...

What meds are you taking?

I ask because one of the most commonly prescribed meds for anxiety and insomnia is ativan (lorazepam). It can INCREASE anxiety and cause anterograde amnesia (blackouts). It's been linked to hallucinations, delusions (both things that can quite easily trigger anxiety issues) and... oh, right, INCREASE anxiety. (not to mention all out psychosis, respiratory failure, death, coma, etc... but those don't seem to apply here- thankfully!)

Panic attacks don't last hours... what you described? went on for hours. Hey, there may be a totally brain-based thing going on (be it neurological or psychological) but there's also the chance it was drug related.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thinking of you. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs. Hang in there. You are not alone.