Raising Kids When You Or Your Partner Has PTSD

[Noone.]

Hey 2not.

I love this thread.

Remember all these little ones need is love and attention.
You are full of this just open your mind and play and you will find that child that
you have forgotten about.

Life is to serious to take seriously.

Play.

FIRE.

 

[2notbedefeated]

Good point, Ken, I agree life can be far to hefty and serious without my adding onto it with my "intense" attitude.

Wow, was I surprised today by my soon to be 10 yr old daughter. This is a rare occurance indeed, she has never done all the following without my harping and complaining. Her birthday is coming up in about a week and were making a big deal about her being a big girl.

I honestly don't know what accounted for the change, but hey, guess I don't need to. I'll just enjoy it for the moment. I hope it will continue. She:

a) took her bath and shampoo her own hair w/o my being in there with her (she had always claimed she was too scared to be alone),

b) put her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper which she has never done before,

c) had taken off her shoes at the door when usually she doesn't and I'm always harping on her about it (it was raining today)

d) this may sound silly, but she actually flushed the "john" after using it, which is huge accomplishment for her, you gotta understand her for this one

She did all these things without one word from me today. We did praise her greatly for it. They say, try and catch your kid being good rather than the bad, so we did for today. I gave her a big kiss and a special back massage. I hope there will be more of these moments, I guess it's not good for me to think this way, there WILL be more of these moments.

I'm relishing in the peace of this moment. These are rare indeed, but I have to believe there will be more of them.

PS. we plan to start some family therapy soon. Everything is just so lopsideded right now, it will be a "rolling up your sleeves" and "getting it done" time.

I am fearful of this new adventure, I don't have alot of confidence in myself. Everything I've tried before ended up a big mess or a "perceived" failure on my part.

I will eventually share more detailed senarios. It's tuck kiddies to bed time and focus on prep for tomorrow. I do want to share some wild and crazy experiences I have had with the kids. It's embarrassing to put it all out there, but how will I learn, grow, and hopefully change things for the better if I don't.

I'm so used to presenting a different more competent self to others, when I really am having serious issues and problems.

 

[a3a2]

a2a3

I've got four kids and PTSD. I was only diagnosed and started treatment 2 years ago, so the older two got a few years of the "untreated" me. Whenever they are anxious, I worry that my earlier years of parenting screwed them up, etc. :crazy:


I have been hesitant to talk to them about the PTSD, because I just think it is a heavy burden for them to carry. Especially because mine was caused by childhood abuse.


On the other side, I have talked to them a lot about how other people might feel, and standing up for those in need. The older two, especially are very compassionate and caring and quick to come to the aid of a classmate.

My favorite parenting book "How to Talk so Kids will Listen, and Listen so kids will Talk". It has gotten me through some rough times and taught me some great listening skills that were never modeled in my childhood.

 

[2notbedefeated]

Wanted to share progress in this area. I started this thread almost a year ago, things are moving out of the walking on egg shells, confusionl, and chaotic relationship and lack of boundaries. I finally have been gaining strength tand a fraid to be firm and follow through withour getting suck into their "stuff" and I am beginning to see so amazing things happening with the kids and use together as a fanily; Not perfect and still have lots of issues to work thorugh. I am just thankful there is allttle more harmony in this it has been 8 years ago.


I just wanted to share how things can change in situations with kids and parents with PTSD. I started this thread because I just had such difficult handling my kids. When there was a fuss among the kids, in the beginning I would usually get triggered and either leave the room so I would not scream at the, or leave because I would have adissociative episode.

we found it best to let the kids know some about what mommy was going through and they have been so extremely understanding. That don't know horrible details, but at times I can mention that I need a few minutes to gather myself together or to vent - I draw and scribble, beat into a pillow, tear up a box. Most times it helps

What I really wanted to say is that from the first time I made this post, I believe it has been almost a year and WoW in the past month or so, my kids have amazed me. They actully play together as brother an sister, where as before it always lead to someone getting hurt and severly anger wanting to induce pain on one another.

I use to be a very chaotic mess with tons of confusion andi culd never seem to stand up to my kid, be firm and confident. I was sor of a doormat mom.

Well, the other change is that gradually I have seen the kids respect me more, obey me more, Well my 10 yrls old daughter ois my biggest challenge in this area, she is such a wise 'cookie" I tell ou. She is quick and can make here point view almost sound valid, but I'm beginning to see right through her ploy, were as at one time I didn't. She's make a good debator or lawyer the way she can twist things arounf so quickly it make my head spin,

I followed through with an issue with my son a few months ago, it was hard and I felt my heart crumbling, but I stood up to him, and since then he knows he can't now manipulate me like he use to. He was honest later on and acknowledge to me that he realizes the crying, the anger and whate else he woul do, he will no longer be able to use.