General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[Louski]

The lashing out is a reaction to rage they're feeling. Maybe your husband doesn't react to anger tha...

This is incredibly interesting. My Fiancé has rage and it comes out in a variety of ways but he would never be violent to me personally and he has all six of those things on your list @Sweetpea76. My man isn’t a VET, but he has been in warzones as a journalist and editor for many many years and it has severely affected him. @Freida your comments and observations are just so helpful and useful. Everything you mention above and are so open with are things that my guy regularly does too and it is so much easier to navigate these things knowing that others suffer from this too. I feel like a weight has been lifted a little for me on this thread. Thank you

 

[Never_falter2]

You know what‘s odd. Know the amazon commercials in the thread when one is not logged in? One was for a book called „Two hearts for Christmas, a wounded Warrior love story“ and there seems to be a whole genre of love stories with one of the protagonist being a disabled vet.
„Two hearts for Christmas“ seems to be a very odd title for me, my suggestions for other books wouldbe „Two hearts on New Years Eve enjoying the fireworks“ and „Two hearts go shopping in the crowded mall“.

 

[Sighs]

Hah - I once read a crappy romance novel called "Snowbound with a Soldier". The guy was a combat vet with PTSD apparently from mucking around with his best buddy as they patrolled the streets of Kabul or Baghdad or somewhere like that and he gave his mate a playful shove which caused him to go through a doorway which detonated an IED and killed his buddy and left the guy with a (somewhat unexplained) limp. Naturally after one emotional exchange about it, all of his survivor guilt and PTSD magically vanished and they lived happily ever after.

:rolleyes::roflmao::poop:

Maybe I should write a sequel called "Trying to have a conversation with a Soldier" or "Worrying about a Suicidal Soldier" or "Keeping your head down as your Soldier lashes out" or...

 

[Never_falter2]

„Having a conversation about something one needs to discuss with a soldier“ would be such a great novel. I assume at has lots and lots of empty pages *lol*.
Searching for „Snowbound with a soldier“ I found out that there even seems to be a whole genre of „Christmas with a Soldier“ themed romances such as „Soldier under the Mistletoe“ or „Regency Christmas Proposals: The soldier‘s Christmas Miracle“. Somehow I cannot stop laughing.:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:

 

[Never_falter2]

Now that‘s interesting. The author of this Regency Book „a soldier’s Christmas proposal“ seems to be with a Vet. Maybe the book is not as cheesy as I think. Did any of you read it by chance?

 

[Sighs]

Sometimes it can be a little hard to tell from the title which is a memoir of an actual veteran or veteran's partner and which is a cheesy romance.

 

[Never_falter2]

It is not really a memoir but it is a novel written by a military spouse set in Great Britain around 1800.
I had a look at the first pages, which can be viewed online. It is about a soldier (Guy Wakefield, what on odd firstname), who was wounded and how he thinks that death was preferable to invalidism. I was unsure if I should write about this in this post. That is a horrible thought isn‘t it? Horrible and untrue. Actually I had a relative who killed himself for just that reason. It was long before I was born and made everybody very sad. He thought nobody in the family would ever want him as a cripple but it is not true. Is it okay to write about thetopic of suicide here. I can delete it if it is triggering.
My guy sometimes has kind of suicidal thoughts. It took him very long until he could open up about this. For him it is just thoughts, but I made him promise to tell me whenever he feels like this... and he did... and I was very happy he told me. What a great choice and made sure I gave him the best of my care.
Guy Wakefield had promised himself no one will ever hear him complain cause others had been through worse. I think it is a bit sad.
It is a cheesy novel, but still it makes me sad.

 

[Freida]

He thought nobody in the family would ever want him as a cripple

Sadly this is still true in much of today's world.....

And yes I think that talking about suicide is ok - because it helps people feel less alone. If they know others are fighting the same battle they can share ways to get past it. Just like it did with your guy!

 

[Never_falter2]

No, I do not think it is true nobody wants a loved one as a cripple and never was true. It is just what people think.
I am not 100 percent if his battle with this is over now. I think it comes and goes but I think by now he knows that this feeling will go again.

 

[Freida]

I think knowing he can be honest with you about how he is feeling is huge! Not everyone can do that because they get to caught up in how their supporter will "take it" and afraid they will just cause problems.

 

[Tlzpm]

I've been enjoying this thread. Thank you all so much! I haven't been on in a while, but whenever I'm here I feel a lot less alone.

Some stuff I need to say because there's no one else to say it to:

My husband is so deep in his pain right now. He had a panic attack getting ready for work again. Telling him it's ok to use a sick day to recover (thats what they're for!) makes him feel weak and judged. Telling him I believe in him and he can do it makes him feel like I don't understand his pain. There is no right thing to do or say. He hears loving words as hateful. He feels like no one cares about him. It breaks my heart. It pushes me away again and again.

I'm so scared for him at work and ashamed to say that at the same time a weight is lifted when he's not here. I'm anxious that I'm going to have to take him to the hospital (and the sheer pain of that for him and the confusion and concern that would cause our young children.) I think I would also feel relieved that he was safe and that someone besides me could see how much he needs help. We're months out from our earliest therapy appointment. He won't go to outpatient treatment. He keeps crying, "Why aren't you helping me?" I can't do this alone! We can't do this alone!

The kids are waking up. They're planning a Valentines day party for tomorrow to meet new friends in our new town/state. They're so excited. I'm scared I'm going to have to cancel at the last minute. I dread that look of resignation in their sweet faces.

Thanks for listening! I'm trying to keep the faith that things will get better! I'm trying to see the beauty and blessings all around me!!

 

[Never_falter2]

Yeah, that is what sick days are there for.
Why is he not going to outpatient therapy?

*rant* I am awake again. He and the children alwaaayyyyys wake me up. Sucks!