General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[Changing4Best]

Parental brutality and later in life rape.

 

[Never_falter2]

Are there support groups for men like him where you are from?

 

[Changing4Best]

I'll suggest that he look into/ for them. Thanks.

 

[Never_falter2]

Waiting for vet to come from his study/bureau/however this is called where he is working on something, have been waiting for hours now and it is 0056 at night. *sigh*

 

[Freida]

I really don't know what is needed.

Can you ask him? If there is something he would like specifically? And let him know if the answer is "nothing' then just keep pouring tea and lending an ear?

 

[Changing4Best]

Basically, in so many words, I think I have tried that. I heard from someone else that he does not want "unwanted advice." So I have to be walking on egg shells I guess!

 

[stressedone]

It sucks when someone changes in a months time from "you can come here anytime, even if I'm passed out" to losing their shit over being slightly early. How am I supposed to follow boundaries when they're so inconsistent?

 

[Never_falter2]

Have been researching “Christopher Robin“ as well as “Goodbye Christopher Robin“ as well as AA Milne a bit. Sad story (the life’s of AA Milne and CR Milne I mean). Learned that some hold the opinion every one of Winnieh Poohs friends stands for a desease eeyore - depression, Pooh eating disorder, piglet anxiety and so on. Never saw it like this before. Thought it was some good clean fun for kids.

Vet has trouble eating btw... not the usual way when he overeats but actually has not felt like eating for a few days and only had milkshakes for most meals. I try to be not worried but I am a bit worried.

Also he had lots of trouble sleeping the last few days but tries to be in high spirits.

We canceled another trip to the Christmas market before even arrived (told you we had to leave Christmas market early before because he was feeling hypervigilant... so we tried to drive there again but had to cancel).

Laying next to my kids who won‘t sleep and only ranting.

 

[KULawHawk]

I've been enjoying this thread. Thank you all so much! I haven't been on in a while, but whenever I'm here I feel a lot less alone.


Some stuff I need to say because there's no one else to say it to:


My husband is so deep in his pain right now. He had a panic attack getting ready for work again. Telling him it's ok to use a sick day to recover (thats what they're for!) makes him feel weak and judged. Telling him I believe in him and he can do it makes him feel like I don't understand his pain. There is no right thing to do or say. He hears loving words as hateful. He feels like no one cares about him. It breaks my heart. It pushes me away again and again.


I'm so scared for him at work and ashamed to say that at the same time a weight is lifted when he's not here. I'm anxious that I'm going to have to take him to the hospital (and the sheer pain of that for him and the confusion and concern that would cause our young children.) I think I would also feel relieved that he was safe and that someone besides me could see how much he needs help. We're months out from our earliest therapy appointment. He won't go to outpatient treatment. He keeps crying, "Why aren't you helping me?" I can't do this alone! We can't do this alone!


The kids are waking up. They're planning a Valentines day party for tomorrow to meet new friends in our new town/state. They're so excited. I'm scared I'm going to have to cancel at the last minute. I dread that look of resignation in their sweet faces.


Thanks for listening! I'm trying to keep the faith that things will get better! I'm trying to see the beauty and blessings all around me!!

My heart goes out to you & him. While it may not solve everything, one thing you mentioned was negative self talk and anxious future forecasting. These are self inflicted secondary wounds that take uncomfortable moments into painful experiences & add only needless suffering.


Have you or he looked into affirmations? It might sound silly, and many people are skeptical of their impact because it seems too simplistic. However, if you imagine what would be the impact if growing up every day someone or a handful of people gave you positive or negative comment each day, year in & year out. Don't you think you would have a very different perception or perspective of yourself and your place in the world if they were all positive / affirming vs degrading / negative? Even about what was acceptable or we could allow for ourselves?

Same concept. . .
I even tested it myself in a practical manner. I know that when I start feeling depression coming on, one of the effects is my lack of energy and initiative to clean up and organize around the house.
A while back, I was struggling, and decided to test playing positive affirmations that reinforced my wish and desire to clean and be tidy.

I would play the clip I found on YouTube that's set to music 3 to 5 times a day for at least 14 to 21 days. Sometimes just for 5-10 minutes through headphones, and if possible 20-30 minutes at least once a day.
About 10 days into listening I suddenly started feeling a positive urge to clean and be proactive. Feeling better about my accomplishing things that weighed on me negatively helped improve my mood, and stopped the depression spiral from going deeper and actually pulled me out of a depression episode that usually would have lasted at least 3 or 4 months.

identify the negative thoughts or preoccupations and find affirmations to counter the negative with positives to replace them.

I'd also recommend Rick Hansen's book, Buddha's Brain: the neuroscience behind love, happiness, and wisdom.

It helps train the mind to rewire our thinking about our reactions. It may not be able to stop times we get triggered, but it can help it from the triggers piling up and making it worse and worse.

If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer, and I hope things improve, because everyone deserves peace, and it helps to have as many tools to create a peaceful state as possible. When the storm hits, a compass to lead you back to light can save us from a lot of unnecessary added suffering in addition to the initial pain.

 

[Never_falter2]

*sigh* This is pretty stupid. I get bullied at a board...
Actually for silly reasons. I said something about my home country and people do not believe it can possibly be true... of course they could look it up... but that would be to easy... bullying is the better solution.
They also think I cannot be from another country because I speak English too well.
Also they seem to think that I MUST be a fake because I mentioned I had relatives who are military officers... I mean military officers... can you imagine that... that’s nearly like claiming to be a relative of the Pope or Bill Gates... do military officers even exist? Maybe they are mythological creatures like unicorns.... does my home country even exist? After all I claimed military officers life in it and as we all know officers are a fairytale so my homecountry most like is too...
I am actually very hurt because I wrote things about my vets ptsd on this board and now it feels so unsafe.

 

[Freida]

I'm so sorry..... I hate that you feel unsafe. :(
I know I over projected a while back - hoping you saw my apology because that was totally about me ..not you.
I'm not sure why people would think there is no such thing as a military officer?
I mean, if we didn't have lieutenants who would the enlisted folks make fun of? :)
could you put whoever was bullying you on ignore?

 

[Never_falter2]

I was not talking about you @Freida...
I was talking about people at a board, not a ptsd board, just a board... and actually I have no idea why they believe the silly things they do... people are weird... but it hurts because they know personal things about me and now I do wish that I had not told them personal things.

I feel so stupid because I was so trustful.