General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[LuckiLee]

Personally, I like to call people out on their bully behavior. But that's just me. ?

 

[Never_falter2]

I tried to, but I think they did not realize that they were being in the wrong. They think that I am a liar... oh and snobby (because I did something very normal in my culture but rare in theirs)... and I tried to explain to them over and over that I did this thing not because I thought myself better then them but because everybody in my culture acts like this... but in vain.

 

[Freida]

whew! I knew there was some bullying here a while back - was afraid it had started up again :(

I tried to, but I think they did not realize that they were being in the wrong. They think that I am a liar... oh and snobby (because I did something very normal in my culture but rare in theirs)... and I tried to explain to them over and over that I did this thing not because I thought myself better then them but because everybody in my culture acts like this... but in vain.

Some people are born clueless and stay that way. You can bang your head against the wall trying to help them see the bigger picture but .... nope. Even telling them its polite in your world just won't get thru to them. I've got several international friends and sometimes they work way too hard trying to make people understand we don't all live under the same rock. That whole concept -- People from different places behave differently -- is just lost on them.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with these idiots.

 

[Never_falter2]

I do not even want them to understand, maybe it is difficult to understand another culture... but at least they could embrace the fact that it is like this and not a sign of snobbyness.
I am sorry that I annoy you with such unimportant things.
It is just that I sometimes do feel I need a ptsd tribe, because there are some things I cannot discuss with anybody apart from folks over here... but because this board is also slow and I felt like “I need to talk right now“ I also posed there.

 

[Never_falter2]

Might I ask you a question: Do you think I am snobby/trying to show off because I do think people over there think so... and I wonder if they are right. I am asking you to be honest and I will not be offended.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Never_falter2 You've never struck me as snobby, or a show off.
Being proud of someone else's accomplishments and wishing to share that positivity with others, is not snobby.

Same with wanting to learn to do something correctly, then use it correctly, is just well... proper.
It's been my experience that people who speak English as a second language, usually use better punctuation and grammar than native speakers.

Nor do you seem interested in lording anything over anyone to make yourself feel superior. In fact, I seem to recall you giving me a very helpful lesson in the proper usage of ein/einen in Deutsche.
Something you didn't have to do, but were kind enough to do, in a way that was not condescending I might add.
You could just have easily said nothing and let me carry on thinking I had it right, or told me it was wrong but not why. I appreciate your taking the time to correct me, without making me feel like an idiot. ;)

 

[Freida]

Might I ask you a question: Do you think I am snobby/trying to show off because I do think people over there think so... and I wonder if they are right. I am asking you to be honest and I will not be offended.

Not in the least. You have never seemed snobby or braggy.
Depending on the kind of people you are dealing with what might be happening is that you are speaking better english than the natives do. Which some (no one who counts) can get cranky about and say it makes you sound snobby. Again. No one who counts.

 

[Never_falter2]

Thank you both very much. I really do think it’s them not me... but one more question. Did I ever brag about any other things (such as achievements or abilities)? Did I ever brag how posh I was or about all the uppercrust things that I do (not that I ever do uppercrust things, but I have heard that some things that are pretty normal in my country such as riding... nearly every girl/woman does that at some kind in her life and mostly do not own the horses... are considered uppercrust in other countries... but really should that keep me from ever mentioning it)? Really you can be honest... I do know some people who love to brag and no one ever tells them because they are to polite.
Hope that you are not being annoyed by so many questions. Only want to make sure I am bragging in no area.

BTW I love to fact you speak German @Neverthesame. It is so rare because few people are interested in our beautiful language.

 

[Freida]

This made me laugh -- because it is soooo NOT you.
You are one of the most humble people I've met, so this picture of you wandering around with your nose in the air beckoning one of the peasants to bring you champagne while you hold court how fabulous you are?

Seriously made crack up.
Who ARE these people??? And why o why are you stuck in the same room with them?

So a funny story for you. I lived off base when I was in Germany in a tiny apartment building. My landlady was old -- really old (probably 60 -- I was 21! LOL)

She didn't speak English, nor did she plan on learning. Her view- my country my language. I agreed with that philosophy but it was pretty comical at times because she spoke to me in German and then waited for me to try to figure out what she said. Then we would both get the giggles because it usually took several tries and a ton of charades :laugh: I eventually got to where I could understand her most of the time which was kind of amazing.

I loved Germany -- (well, the terrorist thing wasn't great ... :laugh: ). But I have many, many great memories of living there.

 

[Never_falter2]

Actually I think I can write that here... they will spot me here anyway if one is here because there are many problems in my life I mentioned on both boards...
There was a man who kissed me and addressed me by my first name... and I did not know that there were different rules for last name/first name in their country and asked them for advice.
I have to say in my country it is unusual to call a person by their first name unless you know them very well... and in the military it is rarely ever done. Vet has close friends he had known for years and still calls them by their last names/nicknames derived from their last names.
They asked me for my background. I said German, from a line of officers (actually my Dad is not one and my bio granddad was killed before I was born, but it is my background). Then they believed that I discriminated against this poor guy because I think I am better then him.
For me this is ridiculous. His social class is not lower then mine... and I did not ask him to address me as “your high and wellborn“ but by my last name.
Later I wrote a thread about how my Vet often says things such as “One just knows“ (Das weiß man doch) and they thought he was being classist... actually he is being snobby but not being classist... and again I do think that telling people that one just knows this or one that is just so normal in our military... but rare on civvy street and yes, I do think he will run into problems for that... maybe I should have asked on a German speaking board. Our language often sounds wannabe posh if you translate it most literally.
Last thing question I asked was about how to dress in an uppermiddle class neighbourhood... said I was upper middle class but if another kind than the people living there cause I was from a line of officers. Than they remembered the other thread (and still thought I did not want to be addressed by my first name by that guy because I thought he was a peasant and me pointing out countless times that this was not the reason and that he was not even from a lower class did not change this... they remembered this even though I namechanged after the first thread.
Is upper middle class really such an odd word in the anglosphere? Where I am from that is a normal word and at least 20 percent of the population would say they are upper middle class (my guess). BTW I am not rich, some people in the neighbourhood are but not us.

And now would you peasants please do me the favour and lower your gaze, and address me with you high and wellborn and bring me some Champaign.... oh and do a curtsy. Why is nobody doing a curtsy over here? I will have you thrown into my dungeon for that kind of disrespect.

 

[Freida]

Is upper middle class really such an odd word in the anglosphere?

So in America people don't really talk about money and asking someone how much they make is just not done unless you know them really well or you are intending to brag.
So upper middle class is kind of a statement of identity.

Like I say I was raised in an middle class farm family - but only in specific context about my background.

Were your parents rich?
No, we were middle class

It can be a status thing, so I could see people taking it wrong if it was just thrown out there as part of an introduction or some such thing.

And now would you peasants please do me the favour and lower your gaze, and address me with you high and wellborn and bring me some Champaign.... oh and do a curtsy. Why is nobody doing a curtsy over here? I will have you thrown into my dungeon for that kind of disrespect.

:laugh: :roflmao:

 

[Never_falter2]

Okay. I see. Maybe I should have asked how to “dress smart“ instead... which was actually what I meant anyway.

You know, I rarely ever write on German boards because I am afraid to get spotted.

Really I wonder if there is much that is lost in translation so to speak.
I talked about this first name/last name thing and everybody on the German board got me instantly. We really call people we do not know well always by their last name (unless in certain setting such as members of a sports club, mothers who have kids at the same day care and so on) and we siezen them which is roughly the equivalent of calling them Sir or Ma‘am. Duzen (The equivalent of not calling somebody Sir or Ma‘am) is rarely done with strangers and if it is done it might be considered an insult... for example if I do Duzen a cop that is a crime.

For example if I met you and you have not invited me to duzen you or use your first name I would say:“Ma‘am, Mrs. Frieda, nice to meet you Ma‘am. What were your travels like, Ma’am. Hope you had a pleasant journey, Ma’am“. We also try to siezen as much as possible in one sentence to be polite.

And I really wonder if there are many cultural differences I am not even aware of... and yes, it would be smarter to write on German boards but I value my anonymity.