General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

[G.P.]

if you want a summary, heart changes which encompass receiving love, self love, forgiveness, compassion, …. an area I have worked with people on which to this point has born significant results - is the area of unconditional love and acceptance for themselves, unhampered by life events.

 

[G.P.]

Does this help ?

This finding is consistent with earlier research, and a new body of knowledge is beginning to emerge that demonstrates through biological markers that there is a positive relationship between forgiveness and physical healing. In the article “Forgiveness in Health Research and Medical Practice,” published in EXPLORE: The Journal of Science and Healing in the May 2005 issue, Everett Worthington, Jr, PhD, recapped much of this research. “Theoretical and empirical research links forgiveness to better known variables such as stress and hostility,” he said in his report, noting that recent health research has begun to assess brain scans, hormones, peripheral physiology, and self-reports of health status in relation to forgiveness, all of which show some level of correlation.

Researchers are also discovering that not all forgiveness is the same. In another new study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine in August 2007, “Forgiveness, Health and Well-Being: A Review of Evidence for Emotional versus Decisional Forgiveness, Dispositional Forgivingness and Reduced Unforgiveness,” Everett Worthington, Jr, et al found that “Decisional forgiveness is a behavioral intention to resist an unforgiving stance and to respond differently toward the transgressor. Emotional forgiveness is the replacement of negative, unforgiving emotions with positive other-oriented emotions.” Not unsurprisingly, the study shows that emotional forgiveness has more direct health and well-being consequences than decisional forgiveness...Two excellent sources of information on the benefits of forgiveness are the Institute of Human Development, Greater Good Science Center, The University of California, Berkeley (Dead Link Removed) and the Campaign for Forgiveness, John Templeton Foundation.

(quotes from New Forgiveness Research Looks At Its Effects On Others)

Dead Link Removed Forgiveness is an emotion-focused coping strategy that can reduce health risks and promote health resilience
by Worthington, Everett L; Scherer, Michael
Psychology & Health, 06/2004, Volume 19, Issue 3


Forgiveness Therapy: A Clinical Intervention for Chronic Disease
by Barbara A. Elliott
Journal of Religion and Health, 06/2011, Volume 50, Issue 2

Every year, chronic illnesses result in significant costs, disability and deaths. Efforts to understand the causes, treatments and management possibilities for chronic illnesses are ongoing. Some chronic conditions, including addictions, obesity, mental health circumstances, COPD and cirrhosis, have been identified as health conditions with social and interpersonal etiologies. Recent research documents that these conditions are related to adverse early life experience; treatment and prevention of these chronic conditions remains challenging. Concurrent research investigating forgiveness interventions has been reported in the counseling therapy literature, which may have enormous personal and public health impact.

These might be a place to start, than branch off - I'd check their sources and peruse those which can lead to others sources and trials or studies, done here and abroad. The research is being done.

 

[joeylittle]

if you want a summary, heart changes which encompass receiving love, self love, forgiveness, compassion, …. an area I have worked with people on which to this point has born significant results - is the area of unconditional love and acceptance for themselves, unhampered by life events.

Ah - so you mean the heart as a metaphor for a certain spectrum of feelings, not the heart as an organ. The heart (organ) is affected by neurological activity in many chemical ways, but as far as I'm aware, it's responding to an initial signal sent by the brain. It doesn't generate the signal.

I'm not meaning to start an argument. I was just unclear as to what you meant by "heart changes", and I thought you were talking about cardiac events, that's all.

 

[G.P.]

Thank you for the explanation and input. Yes, the heart as a source of internal processes, not the organ as a life regulator :) I was just trying to answer as best I could on short notice, but I realize I made sweeping generalizations from a lot of study, and as I always do- tried to condense and summarize in smallest form. My bad :(

 

[Freida]

One other thought .... Often it's not the event itself that causes ptsd. It's what happens afterwards. Those who have someone who cares for them after have a much better chance of not developing ptsd. Those who go thru it alone? They become us. I think it's part of why we are so hard on our supporters. No trust that when shit hits the fan they will be there. We already know that they wont....because it's happened before.

my ts do something similar to the heart idea....they preach self compassion as the way to work the problem....because until I have compassion for me I can't heal. It has mixed results :laugh:

 

[G.P.]

Very insightful! yes, it a compounding problem- that trust thing, but ideally perhaps projecting onto the new supporter that which the past abuser did to us - is us affirming this is what there is for us -- breaking the cycle by believing in the opposite for ourselves (people willing and wanting to be there for us) may indeed prove to be all that it takes to have an opposite experience. Not to mention the fact that we have just judged the innocent person (new supporter) with the rap sheet of the previous convicted felon - not fair at all to them - or to our own future sanity.

 

[Hojay]

@G.P. Given your educational background, and the behavior you describe on part of your husband a few posts up, you may be interested in looking into cluster B comorbidity with PTSD. There are some movements that suggest BPD, for example, is CPTSD by a different name. Educating myself on Cluster B has helped me move out of the empathy-codependence trap that my focus on PTSD had me in, and changed my outlook on his behavior to a very helpful degree. My ex’s behavior could not be explained by PTSD alone and that was quite a relief to release.

 

[Freida]

Not to mention the fact that we have just judged the innocent person (new supporter) with the rap sheet of the previous convicted felon - not fair at all to them - or to our own future sanity.

Something I tell myself on a regular basis when I meet new people - because it's a terrible trap to fall into. :(

 

[joeylittle]

My bad

No worries, @G.P. No harm done. :tup:

 

[G.P.]

@G.P. Given your educational background, and the behavior you describe on part of your husband a few posts up, you may be interested in looking into cluster B comorbidity with PTSD. There are some movements that suggest BPD, for example, is CPTSD by a different name. Educating myself on Cluster B has helped me move out of the empathy-codependence trap that my focus on PTSD had me in, and changed my outlook on his behavior to a very helpful degree. My ex’s behavior could not be explained by PTSD alone and that was quite a relief to release.

Yes! Good call - comprbidity of ptsd is statistically found to co-exist more often with other DSM-lll disorders... though people are unique and can’t ever be defined by a statistic in my opinion. Dilima is always what and where and when is the growth to become the focus - and when and if it takes place - the meanwhile can be uncomfortable and challenging - for all I think. But that’s just my perspective

 

[G.P.]

And on a side note: does anyone have or know of study or dynamic group formats (pre-packaged) for group settings of supporters of PTSD/ I.e. family or spouses —- I am contemplating starting a group for supporters in my area- I am remotely located in a rural area on the island - hawaii- and there are many veterans in this area- mostly I’m told due to its remoteness. But no resources around this area.

 

[Freida]

You might try calling one of the vet centers -- they could probably point you in the right direction. Or try the American Legion or VFW