Re-traumatized? Looking for other experiences

[AlishaK]

I was assaulted by my original abuser in October, it was out of the blue and scary as hell. I did the whole rape kit thing and am waiting on results for that, but in the mean time I am losing my mind. I don't seem to be improving, just getting worse. I lose a lot of time. I have a lot of intense fbs. My young selves have bad fbs. I'm scared all the time even though we're now in the ACP and have been to safe house and have a safe place to live. Has anyone else been re-traumatized as an adult and it caused them to go completely out of control? I'm getting so desperate I'm thinking of doing drugs again just to escape.

 

[Muttly]

I am so sorry you are going through that. And yes, I had something happen to me as an adult and that totally sent me into meltdown. I went more deeply into my eating disorder than I have ever been. It was a terrible time. I really hope you can resist doing drugs. There is a reason you stopped and I hope you can hold onto that. It destroys lives.

What kind of mental health support are you getting?

 

[AlishaK]

I am so sorry you are going through that. And yes, I had something happen to me as an adult and that totally sent me into meltdown. I went more deeply into my eating disorder than I have ever been. It was a terrible time. I really hope you can resist doing drugs. There is a reason you stopped and I hope you can hold onto that. It destroys lives.

What kind of mental health support are you getting?

I have a very good therapist. I also have an eating disorder, anorexia, that I'm using to feel in control instead of doing drugs. I have a child, so drugs aren't really an option also, considering we're in state housing now, that wouldn't be a good idea. I can't sleep to escape, I just have nightmares. I have to stay alive for my son, so I'm doing that. I feel like no matter what my therapist does for me, no one can help. They would like me to be in long term inpatient, but with being a single mom, that's not an option. I do weigh 180 lbs right now, so it's not like I'll starve anytime soon. I wish there was something that someone could do that would change the direction things seem to be heading. Maybe I'll calm down soon. It has been a few months.....

 

[Muttly]

It takes time. I also couldn't go into inpatient because I had a houseful of animals and no one to care for them. It was a really tough road but my life is so much better now. And in a weird way, that event was pivotal in my recovery. Because I hadn't really, deeply dealt with it before and I was forced to. It's hard to feel like you can recover when things are so bad. Many of us here at this forum have. You can too.

As far as your weight, it doesn't matter what you weigh. Anorexia and other eating disorders can kill at any weight. I'm glad you recognize drugs isn't an option and hope as you heal (you will) you can also recover from the eating disorder.

 

[ChildofGod]

Yes, I too have been re-traumatized again and it is the worst for me, anyway. It feels terrifylingly real. I had body feelings and pains come back as well. It feels like I was brought back into time and finally realized how I must have felt back then.

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I understand how you feel unsafe no matter what. I hope that you feel safer again soon.

May I kindly suggest something soothing right before you go to bed.( Medication helps me greatly.) I will be happy to share my strength and courage with you, if that alright.

Wishing kindness and beauty into your life, if that is alright with you.