Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

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I'm only just learning about these things so I'm on here a lot. I think when I've learned a little I will only pop in to catch up with people for a while. But right now I need to understand what I am feeling. I don't know anything about these different therapies yet and find the terminology difficult and confusing.
 
But right now I need to understand what I am feeling. I don't know anything about these different therapies yet and find the terminology difficult and confusing.
Hang in there, it'll come. It may seem a little scary and overwhelming but we're here for you. Not in a hokey way;) but really truly.
 
Cath, you already seem to have a good grip of the concept I think. Use the site to help you, accept helping yourself with PTSD will also cause a hindrance at the same time... that is just part and parcel of it, but accept and endorse that self help has an expiry date at which point you MUST get off the web, out of books, etc, and implement what you have learnt into your daily life and walk on your own two feet with PTSD... only using support groups as needed in limited dose, as they really can be counter productive if relied upon, become dependent upon, etc.

Every positive has a negative... simple as that.
 
Thanks Anthony,
I don't read books on PTSD as I find them very confusing. I am reading through the stuff on here and then I'll stick to just popping in to see how folks are doing and have a chat. I'm seeing my new T tomorrow for the 2nd time, the first help I've had in 27 years. Sometimes you have to stop walking alone and get help, but once I'm back on my feet a little I will be on my own again. In all these years I have learned so little about these things and that has been my undoing. Educating myself and the help of a T I hope will balance the equasion.

You are right Anthony, good and bad run on parallell lines, gotta walk down the middle LOL.

Thanks for caring.
 
I think that it's timely for me to read over this thread right now. I guess it's one of many "phases" in this journey, but I am grappling and struggling hard with some very critical inner conflicts about my recovery right now - issues of dependence vs independence from my T, from this forum, and from various other support activities and behaviours that have become so ingrained into my life that it's hard to imagine survival without them. I am aware that I am close to needing to shift some chess pieces on this board - and perhaps this forum is one of them. Have been around for a couple of months and very much stuck in the "emersion" phase, spending ridiculous amounts of time here actually, which is almost amusingly ironic for someone who has traditionally been almost phobic of support groups and deeply cynical and mistrusting of the Internet.

This forum has brought me staggering degrees of comfort, validation and kinship. It's felt like a "safe place" - and there aren't many of those in my world.

Just as with my T, I am realising that my level of dependence may be requiring some painful readjustment, and i know that it's in my best interests to make that happen - probably much more so with my T than with this forum, but the concept is the same.

It's hard, yet somehow important, to confess this in writing, because somehow it's almost a contract when I commit to it outwardly.

But comfort zones aren't always as comfortable long term as they seem, and I do want to get better, as better as is possible, no matter the short term personal cost, and I believe and accept that there is a time to try standing firm on your own two feet.

I'm not ready to disappear yet, not for a while, but am going to endeavour to wean back a little.

God, this was somehow very vulnerable and awkward to write... but important nonetheless.

Maddog
 
Maddog,

I'm with you on this one. My T has changed my appointments to fortnightly to discourage that dependance and then I think even every 3 weeks or monthly. It doesn't feel good at the mo but it is necessary. I don't immerse myself in the forum as much and I remember Anthony giving some advice about this.

I don't want to leave as I have made some good friends here and enjoy the banter. The help and advice, the strength and understanding from others has been and still is invaluable.

You are right about the comfort zone Maddog. It takes courage and strength to step out of it. I read recently in a book (just a novel, not trauma based) that fear is seductive and therefore becomes comfortable and familiar. We get so comfortable with our own fears that we often don't recognise them and if they creep up we just give in to make the fear decrease - that's the seductive part. I'm still dealing with these fears and recognising them for what they are and then pushing through is part of the learning to stand on our own two feet. Others can help but they can't do it for us and as we push through, we grow.

Here is the quote:

Most of us go through life with little chance to learn much about ourselves. We know some things we like and some things we dislike, we have few ideas about what makes us happy, and we die of ignorance regarding anything profound within ourselves.

Fear holds us and binds us and keeps us from growing. It kills a small piece of us each day. It holds us from what we know and keeps us from what's possible, and it is our worst enemy. Fear doesn't announce itself, it's disguised and subtle. It's choosing the safe course, most of us feel we have 'rational' reasons to avoid risks. The brave man is not the one without fear but the one who does what he must despite being afraid. To succeed, you must be willing to risk total failure: you must learn this.

Something in you holds on to your fear; something in you loves your fear and binds it to you as a mother or lover. You must confront that fear and banish it; you must embrace it and let it devour you. Only then will you know your fear, only then can you heal yourself.

Men love their fears, that is why they hold on to them so tightly. You've learned something young, something that even older men rarely understand. You've learned that fear isn't a terrible-looking thing but something lovely and seductive.

Raymond E Feist - The King's Buccaneer
 
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