Recovered Memory Vs. False Memory

[joeylittle]

@ramacita, these may help:
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[Powder]

I hope it can be of value to some of you.

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/vanderk2.php

Yes, thank you for this @shimmerz!

A quote from Section B under "Amnesias and The Return of Traumatic Memory:"

The combination of lack of autobiographical memory, continued dissociation and of meaning schemes that include victimization, helplessness and betrayal, is likely to make these individuals [early childhood trauma survivors] vulnerable to suggestion and to the construction of explanations for their trauma-related affects that may bear little relationship to the actual realities of their lives.

Yes! My sister has explained away her flashbacks as: Poltergeist activity since a guy died near her apartment; a UFO abduction (possibly); or Past Lives bleeding into this one.

Now, I'm not saying these explanations hold no value or valid beliefs that can be held or evidenced by people; I'm willing to entertain some of these ideas, at least in theory. But the far simpler explanation for everything is sitting on the tip of the tongue because so much of the abuse IS actually still emotionally imprinted and evidenced heavily in relationship issues with the abusers now.

That said, It is so very painful to relinquish the "explanations" that have been offered that help to keep this stuff buried a little longer. It was so painful to let it come and just feel the emotions again, and to admit that it was the parent all along. How horrible, to lose that fantasy that maybe Mr. Hyde never actually existed and it was all a bad dream.

I have huge compassion for anyone going through this; it's so horrible and few people can really understand it unless they've had trauma and memory issues.

I'm still reading, but wanted to thank you for this validation.

I wanted to add that when parents are the perpetrators of very severe trauma it is hard to know how much of the amnesia was actually inserted by suggestion and how much was peritraumatic in and of itself. Parts of the article most interesting to me are how some people report that their trauma-nightmares are "intact" and "exactly the same" as their daytime flashbacks and replicate the original trauma clearly, while some say their dreams mix up the trauma with other images.

I've experienced both, and they don't feel quite the same. And I don't think it's always very simple and so cut and dry. Even the "mixed up dreams" are usually a flashback within a dream, and the flashback part is quite accurate.

The article says a drug was used in the 90's to force people with PTSD to have flashbacks with neurotransmitter interference. That sounds very unpleasant and possibly fraught with ethical problems. Does anyone know which drug? Is this the same drug that is given to DID patients to cause them to rapid switch?

Scary.

 

[DarkSideOfTheSoul]

I read a research article that said Yohimbine was used experimentally in Nam to produce PTSD effects. Not sure if that's the drug to which you were referring @Muse. As for any one drug that cause rapid switching in DID, I know from past experience that many psychotropic and SSRI's had that effect on me before I was 'integrated'.

As for the FMSF goes...I took part in a news show called the 5th Estate, whereby myself & a couple of others who suffered MPD, along w/ our shrink who explained the process, did interviews about our healing journeys. The show aired one time, until, for some 'odd' reason, the false memory foundation felt threatened and forced the shows producers to never air it since.
That's a lot of clout to influence a big show like that. The lawyers for the 5th Estate, can't allow anyone to be on the show without first vetting us. And vet they did. Any false allegations would have surely come to light, had we made any. They looked under every rock...even spoke to my primary school friends and teachers.
So I have to ask; why would a foundation who felt so just in this so-called syndrome, go to such great lengths ? Guess their confidence is as weak as it's founders & members.
To answer the question of how anyone with a PhD could belong to such a foundation; I need only look to my local news. We had one shrink lose his licence in Ont., due to sexually assaulting a few of his female patients, only to be able to resume practice across the country. Or a shrink at our local psych hospital who over-drugged a few of his female patients, had them strip, kneel before him, & then he whipped them as they were forced to call him 'master'.
There's good and bad in everything. It's one more obstacle I face, as I search for help for these newly emerging memories.

Speaking of which. It's my understanding that w/ traumatic memories, I can recall more detail than what happened on an average day. For instance, I'm sure many of you know where you were when the twin towers went down, who you were with, & perhaps in technicolor. I know I do the same amount of detail, under hypnosis. As long as I'm guided by someone who doesn't ask 'leading' questions.
I consider myself fortunate to have had a T like that when I had DID. Unfortunately though, I had more buried memories that never surfaced at that time, and ones I don't doubt the validity of now. Even though I see them from a child-me's eyes, as an adult. My ex-T is 3,000 miles away & retired, which is a shame. I called w/ him the other day, & he said that what I'd done (unconsciously) was called 'Layering'. Layers of memories. Interesting construct.
Not saying that false or muddled memories don't/can't exist, yet, I feel that's more the exception than not.

Also wanted to say that I'm grateful for this forum and the helpful folks here. I'm glad I joined yesterday.

 

[Murphy888]

Some here have mentioned doubting the memories they recovered. I did that for several months. I didn't want to believe what I was remembering. One day my therapist asked, "What would it mean to you if they were false." I thought for a while. Then I told him, "Remembering is like throwing up. It gets the bad stuff out. Deciding it wasn't true would be like swallowing it all back down again."
Eventually, I realized that remembering taught me things. I learned why I had to run to the bathroom after riding a horse, why I didn't like to touch dogs, why I was uncomfortable around tall men--like my father. Remembering has given me the freedom to see my life as it is, not the dangerous place I believed it was as a child.

 

[Alllrite]

I spent an hour and a half and $300 trying to wxplain to a therapist why remembering is important to me. A few days ago i short answer came to mind- when i remember i connect with myself.
I accept that I can't force myself to remember. My subconscious seems to know when and what i can take. My job is to be open believe and manage the emotions so i can keep going.
I find it is a bit like a video game. I get throw some difficult stuff and suddenly i have some new power or freedom. The progress validates the reality of what i remember. Some times the power is less welcome like the ability to cry and feel the pain, but its progress.
I started with panic attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere. Now i'm getting flashes of memory. It is all way too slow but going on with repression was nolonger possibe

 

[sun seeker]

For most, it is common to dissociate after the trauma, to remember shortly after and have nightmares about it, and then to forget or dissociate it again. Then, the memories are split off for a long time, only to be triggered into intruding again later in life

For some reason I skipped this thread when it was posted, though I do remember it. This quote is of interest because it describes my experience to a T. Trauma followed by dissociation followed by nightmares followed by forgetting for a long time followed by something triggering the memories is exactly what happened in my case. @Muse, can I ask, is this your own observation or do you have sources for this scenario being common?