Recovery Is My Reality Not Just A Far Away Dream

[externalsmile]

I just cried 15minutes ago. Nothing to do with "oh poor me" but a "wow! look how far I've come."

This time last year I was a complete mess. Petrified of my own shadow and determined to make myself fat and unattractive because of one stalker. In the past year I seriously played with the idea of death because I was so petrified of the world and living in it. When I looked in the mirror it was with sheer disgust because, in my mind, it was my fault that I got stalked.

Now I am a completely different person. I have gotten back not only that shine that I had 10 years ago but developed into a happy woman. I love life. It is fantastic and I am incredibly relieved that I didn't succumb to the temptation of taking the easy way out. It was worth the fight to get me to where I am now.

Let me just share my secret to what changed me. I was just a shell, an empty shell in January. I was merely existing for the sake of it, not through any want or desire for it. A chance meeting on a freezing cold Christmas night eventually led me to following up on actually getting involved with a hobby that I had a small interest in. It meant that I was thrown into a very sociable crowd of people. Within a few weeks I was making new friends and chatting away. Nobody saw me as the victim. Nobody knew my past or my present so I was free to be me.

Within no length my brazen, cheeky-as-hell sense of humour burst back out! I became the darling of the club. The person that people wanted to be next to in the meetings. The person that people wanted at social events. People just plain wanted to be around me and despite being awkward with it for a few weeks I started enjoying it. I was back to being the girl that loved being loved like I was in my school days. None of that bitchiness that I experienced in my working life.

Today I did something amazing. I got to show off how damn fabulous I am. Haha! Not keen on saying all that much because it is the internet and I don't know who reads on here, so I will enjoy what I got to do by keeping it to me but lets just say I have some very dead proud friends!

So here I am, happy to me. I've come a long way and still have some more to go but as of now I wouldn't want to be anyone but me.

My tip, find something you enjoy in life and go for it. You don't know what joy it will bring you otherwise x

 

[intothelight]

Externalsmile,

Your post is so encouraging. I hope you can now also be "internal smile"! Even though isolation is something that seems beneficial for PTSD, it can also perpetuate the symptoms. Good for you for getting out there and living again!

Deb

 

[Ted Moen]

Externalsmile,

Way to go! It took me a little longer, but life is good and filled with joy and a mix of the normal challenges that come along as we age for me too. I had a wonderful therapist who was focused but patient and gentle in guiding me into participation in activities and relationships appropriate to me. Joy in life comes from participation in an appropriate mix of activities and relationships. There is no joy in isolation and keeping people at a safe distance, only a temporary feeling of security followed by depression.

Life is good :tup:

Ted

 

[externalsmile]

Well I spent years being stuck in a limbo of just existing but not living. The past year I just hit rock bottom but still kept managing to go down further. I even got to the stage where my therapist said that our sessions weren't of benefit to me at all. I had to go through a few weeks of "fake it til you make it" and pretending I was ok when I wasn't. Eventually it just happened naturally.