Redirecting self harm

[trying2movefwd]

What works for you?
I have held ice cubes. It has helped me.

 

[EveHarrington]

My docs made me go cold turkey. Had to promise to it and everything.

 

[Lotis]

To be honest nothing helps. I am not a advocate of substituting behaviors (like the ice cubes or the rubber band)...a few reasons why.
1. Both still hurt to a degree and can do harm
2. Both could lead to an injury (both have in my case)
3. Yes they are both a much lesser degree of self harm but in the end you are still trying to numb, hide, escape, release etc

I was always told that any act of hurting yourself no matter how small is still self harm and still a negative behavior; coping mechanism. I am trying to recall the number of times when I didn't harm myself because I did something else like writing or painting or drawing or taking a walk. Maybe, MAYBE a handful of times; if that many. Truly, what has only helped is someone else intervening which would have been my therapist.
~L

 

[Friday]

I'm a huge advocate of substituting.

Fighting for your life.
Bar Brawl (serious - Angry People + Weapons, but no one is trying to kill anyone)
Bar Brawl (good natured)
Sparring

That last one? Takes a dangerous unhealthy activity, and turns it into a healthy one. Is it as satisfying as fighting for your life? Nope. Does it hurt as much as the bruises, cuts, and occasional broken bone from either kind tussling with friends/enemies/strangers? Nope. But it takes elements of each and overlays them with self control, and practice, and discipline. Tames wild energy and makes it useful, instead. And it's fawking long term! You can be a 90yo man still working out with a sparring partner (or heavy bag)! Doesn't matter how good a fighter you are, unless you're trying to kill people, the young and strong have the advantage in any kind of physical fight.

I have to be veeeeeeery careful, because my preferred versions of self harm mostly "look good". I exercise to the point of injury and long past. I starve myself. I insert myself into situations I'm likely to be hurt in, when there are far safer/more sane options. When, in addition to the smooth (OMFG finally!) hit of adrenaline & pain... I'm also rocking a gorgeous body (which gets appreciation of many different kinds) and choosing situations that are laudable (getting in between someone and their target) which may or may not get appreciation but I can also feel good about? It's like adding cocaine to ice cream. Let's take something delicious and hard to quit all on its own and add something Wowza addictive? Great idea, right? :rolleyes: Like I said, it's something I have to be careful about, because people cheer you on, for your self harming, instead of trying to get you to stop.

The substitutions don't feel as good. They don't get the results I want as quickly. I usually have to do other things (like calm down my own self) in addition. The healthy versions don't whoomph! All better. They just take the edge off. But they're sustainable. And they're either healthy, or healthier, than what I was doing before.

For all you cutters out there? Try rock climbing. For real. Scrapes are just part of the sport, completely unavoidable. Need blood? Ballet. Your feet will bleed. You have to wrap them a certain way to keep the blood from staining the satin of your shoes. And it never stops. Pro dancers feet are a bloody mess most of the time. But the cuts, splits, & blisters have to be medically treated or dancing becomes impossible. Which then takes away your self harm. One of the many benefits of exercise as self harm is that it's naturally limiting. Take it too far and your f*cked for the next few months while you heal. (I HATE that). It's not like you can just choose a different part of your body to run on, like a different part can be cut on.

Yes. I am officially adding cocaine to your ice cream. But what's healthier? Cutting yourself in a bathroom or playing guitar? Both hurt. One has a benefit, one doesn't.

Just my opinion.

 

[Eagle3]

When I feel like SH, I either go Friday's route, or go get a new tattoo. Exercising/playfighting to the point of pain is good (if its bad enough I'll punch brick walls until my knuckles bleed), but when it gets really bad and I can afford it, new ink is the way to go! Itches and can't scratch for at least 2 weeks...

 

[sun seeker]

There are a bunch of things that work for me when the urge is intense, but not THAT intense, if you know what I mean. Deep breathing. Squeezing myself tightly somehow, like wrapped in a blanket or between cushions. Ice on my neck or cold water on my head. Imagining someone I trust talking to me soothingly. Writing out the pain on my skin in bright ink (just have to remember to wash it off the next day!)

But when I am really, really badly triggered? So far, nothing helps pain as intense as that. So far. Hopefully, that will change in time.

 

[joeylittle]

When it's very very bad, get into a cold shower immediately (clothes and all, because I cannot stand my body) with my face in the shower stream. I tell myself that if I still want to harm after I'm in a cold shower for 10 whole minutes, then I can. (I set my phone as a timer)

These work on two levels. One - I hate the cold shower. Sometimes the sheer hatred of the cold shower will stop me. And even if I make it into the shower - 10 minutes is a long time. I've never made it 10 minutes. By the time I get past 5, my internal panic has calmed down, and I can access some other coping strategies.

When I'm just dealing with smaller urges, things that don't consume my whole self, I can plunge my face into a bowl of ice water (kept in the fridge for that purpose). Both of these techniques trigger a phenomenon called the mammalian diving reflex/response. It's a pretty cool thing that mammals do. For humans, it's not activated unless the water is on the face. Some people can activate it just with a cold washcloth (very cold) applied to the top half of the face (forehead, nose, sinus region).

Here's a nice link about it: The Diving Reflex - Breatheology

After I've done the cold water routine, I move on to a list of very simple distractions that I have written out. I just do one, again setting the timer for 5 minutes. If at the end of 5 minutes it's not helping me and my mind is wandering back to self-harm, I go to the next distraction. Repeat until I have become engaged in something, and then just do it for a bit. If I need to restart the whole process, I do.

It's kind of intricate, I guess - but after about a year of trial and error, this just became the method for me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What worked for me for a few years is holding ice cubes. Snapping rubber bands has never helped. Im after a lot of pain and eventually ice stopped working.

That was all before therapy.

In therapy, my therapist has NEVER asked me to stop to date. Its about punishment and frustration and failing would have made it worse. I had to work on why i was cutting and buring before i could stop. My therapist stated early in that id eventually get to where id need it less and less until it would never enter my mind and thats exactly what happened.

Today the urges are back but i have distraction techniques and other coping skills that I deploy that has so far worked.

Each are different but thats how i stopped self injury.

 

[trying2movefwd]

My T said not to tell myself to Stop but rather choose the ice or similar first then i can...she says usually using this technique by the time it's "ok to" clients usually don't need to at that point. @lostforgotensoul.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@trying2movefwd, it sounds to me like your therapist is showing you that you have a choice and since it is technically an addiction, trying to "tier you down from" cutting.

What was around my self injury and why i did it was super important to helping me stop. And I did need it less and less until not at all.

At the same time all of the ritual urges lessened and went away. My therapist had said they were connected but i wasnt able to see that until i saw them all lesson at the same time.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

For me this time around I made a choice how I felt I would not SH so others can take the control from me, its force me to use coping skills I learned in PHP recently, that I never thought I would use until I needed them. I have to been to hell and back many times and I am still not in a situation where others have to make me safe. It has forcement me change my at the moment thinking to survivor not victim to keep me grounded.

STICK WITH THE MOMENT AND TAKE IN WHAT IS AROUND YOU, it helps get your mind away from the past.

 

[Sideways]

There's a guy in my group who also swears by cold showers. Has them repeatedly.

For me, cold turkey like @EveHarrington. Maybe it's got something to do with the type of SH you get into, idk. But I've basically come to the point where it was critical to stop. The SH was putting me in serious danger.

I got a dog. I can't get into my type of SH with a puppy hanging around. The emotions, the Neeeed to do it? All still there. But the longer I don't do it, the more evidence I have that I can get by without it.

I really do think it comes down to the type of SH though. My SH was basically like treating a hangover with more vodka, perpetually making my self-loathing worse and worse. Couple that with the very real threat of disastrous outcomes, I basically just reached a point where it was time to stop, no other option but to just sit with whatever emotion I'm running from and suck it up.

If you find an alternative that works that doesn't harm you? Stick with it.