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Rejection

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I have been rejected in many ways, by many people, in many places. I was rejected especially by all the boys in my 6th grade school class. They ridiculed me, teased me, called me names, said I was stupid, smelly, ugly and so on... ad nausium. I was so sad and felt so rejected and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I believe the teacher even knew about it, but did nothing to stop it at all.

Finally one day, when one of them got to me off the school grounds, in fact I think it was during the summer vacation after the school year was over, I beat the living daylights out of him when he lit into me. He ended up in the hospital, it was so bad! However, I think he was too ashamed to tell his parents that he had been beaten up by a girl, so I never got in trouble for it.

None the less, somehow word got around, I am sure, because not one of them EVER called me a name, or did or said anything to me ever again. None of the boys from my high school ever dated me though, so I dated boys from my church, which was in a different school district. Thankfully, I did not run into rejection there.

Even before 6th Grade I was not popular either. I remember once that I had a girl who was my friend and then this new kid moved into our area and was the new kid in our class and my so called friend abandoned me entirely and made this new girl her best friend. They both completely ignored me and no one would be my friend after that. I never knew why this happened, but I can tell you that it really hurt!

I was always one of the last kids in gym class to get picked for a team.

Yup, "rejected" was my middle name in school.

In college things were a little better. A fellow took a shine to me and wanted to be with me a lot. He invited me to come and live with him, so I did. We eventually got married, but I found out that he was a chronic gambler and one day he gambled our rent money away! We became homeless. This was about a year after I graduated college, so my parents did not offer to bail us out or anything.

I told my minister and he let me stay in an apartment he had that was vacant. It was furnished, so all I had to do was come up with some food money. Eventually he and I fell in love and we lived together for many years, eventually marrying. We were married for 23 years until he died.

Now I am alone, and have been for about ten years. I like being alone in a way. I decide when I get up, when I got to bed, what I listen to, what I eat... no one rules over my life in any way other than God of course, and that is the way I like it.

As to rejection, folks pretty much appreciate me these days, because I help them when I can and I care about others and what happens to them. I pray for people and I tell them that I do also. They appreciate that. Maybe sometimes that is all I can do for them, but at least I can do that. And if I can keep someone company, help them in some way or do whatever they need, I am there for them. I care about others and their needs. In other words, I try NOT to reject people. I try to help them. I think that is the difference between rejecting them and not rejecting them. Sometimes, all they need is someone to listen to them. I like to do that. I love listening to stories. It is probably my favorite passtime.
 
I feel much the same. I tend to manage well (better) lately although I have my triggers and if not careful I can spiral downward very quickly although I tend to also pull myself up quicker these days. I can say I know (in my head) there are family and friends who sincerely love me but my heart, or emotions have yet to get the message. I know it comes form early childhood rejection, perhaps even I picked up on it before I was even born, and it was perpetuated throughout my life even into adulthood. So I feel ya. I probably have little to offer in teh way of help but maybe just knowing there are people here who get it because they have and do live it is helpful. :)
 
Damn... me exactly. School can be a war zone right, every day, all day, and with no safe harbor home it...
Me too. I live on Government aid, but I do well in other areas of my life, like making friends and trusting people, even though so many people have let me down in life. I still find it in my heart to trust folks when I meet them and many of them come through for me with flying colors! I am so glad that they do too. Like just today, I asked my Pastor to help me out of a financial bind, and she said she thought the church would be able to pay my power bill. I am so relieved! I just got internet hooked up at my home and they charged me $100.00 US for installing it, with no warning whatsoever that there would be an installation fee! Thankfully the local Free Food Bank came through for me yesterday too. Even my sister might send me some $$$. I prayed about all this and it seems my prayers are being answered. I am so relieved. What if I had not had the courage to ask for help? I'd be in hot water! That is for sure. So courage is really important too.
 
@SheilaKathy
Thanks for sharing and even made me smile for a bit there. Ah the school days - bless that we got through them.
You reminded me now of a boy that used to be after me in kid school. Evetually one winter I got so tired of being scared and harassed by him. I simply beat him up in the snow. Got him on his back showling snow down his sweater and pants Asked if hed give up. Said no he did stupid boy. So I kicked him with hard leg in the middle of his private. Poor boy. Wet home crying he did. Yeah I felt a slight of guilt and worry I might had destroyed something. At the same time I just had it being scared.

Strange thing you mention this about kindness. Yes the strange thing is all though it seems I feel many people reject me there are also those people that actually even look up to me. Not so many, but I know If I reflect of the kindness accept and good hearts there has certainly been some to.
Maybe its easy to be blind to see this in the midts of something chaotic also cuase ptsd alarm so easily can be set of`?

Im trying to find work where I fit in and can use this kindness I know Im so full of. That probably also will be counterpart giving me the same back.

Good to read it sounds like youve found some peace Sheila Kathy :)
 
@mp2277 same here - no safe harbours. Used to run away to some safe places in the forest and then they would send search teams to find me. Was hoping some one else would find me and adopt me. I even wrote down a cabin book once the family was there on holiday. My name and adress on almost every page. Hoping someone would send a rescue squad.

Never happned.
 
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